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One of the longest comment threads in DCist's history can at last come to a happy conclusion. Molly, the 7 year-old Vizsla who was allegedly taken by a stranger while she was tied up outside the P Street Whole Foods, is back home with her family. Tyler Newby, Molly's owner, last night sent out an email to fellow dog owners in the Logan Circle neighborhood announcing his dog's safe return. Molly seems to be in good health, he said, although understandably tired. Details on the police-involved recovery of Molly from the woman who allegedly took her are scant, Newby said, though an officer did tell him that it was evident the woman had mental health issues. "... we want to offer our most heartfelt thanks to everyone who supported us and provided tips and leads. Without those leads, it's unlikely the police would have had enough information to justify spending time investigating," Newby wrote.
Molly the Dog is Home Safe
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Tips
MOLLY!
I am happy for the dog, and for their idiot owners. Lesson learned, I hope!
I still say this bitch probably kidnapped herself. I mean look at it. Young trophy dog. Marries a guy for money but figures he isn't giving her enough. She owes money all over town. It's all a goddamn fake. Like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you'll, uh, you know what I'm trying to say...
And I've known wheelchair cases, Dude. And this guy is faking it. I've never been more certain of anything in my life.
I am the walrus?
What the f**k are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not cross! You WILL not leave your dog unattended at Whole Foods...and uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian-American. Please.
Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here!
I'm happy for Molly too...glad she's safely returned.
Now, I hope that her (and other dog) owners learned a valuable lesson- it's illegal and irresponsible to leave your pets unattended.
Did MPD cite them for this?
BTW, I doubt that the alleged thief will get fully prosecuted.
Just like those cases where kids steal cars with the keys left in the ignition, the US Attorney's Office likely will decline to prosecute for similar reasons (the owners abandoned the dog).
Not saying it's right, but it's how the DC system works.
I agree, although it will be interesting to see this played out. The owners may decline to press charges on the basis that they have already been shamed enough. If I'm the defense attorney for the crazy lady, I am painting a big old target on the owners as irresponsible fools who, through their responsible act, suggested that the dog was free for the taking. Not exactly certain that would work, but damn would it be embarrassing. Or at least it should be, but who knows with these what-me-worry types.
alright already...we get it. You're an Uh-TUR-nee So are half of the winos in this town. I'm sure Mrs. CrazyLady is probably a little behind on her Missouri bar dues but she's one too.
Hint - no one cares. And no one wants to hear your bloviation on legal matters. STFU already.
Actually, it is interesting to get that perspective. Perhaps you should hop off that mighty high princess pony.
I'm sorry, did you say something? Or are you ranting again. Forest Haven has openings, I hear.
Well then...I for one am thrilled she's home safe.
Also, I eagerly await another 250 comments of hate-filled poo flinging.
They should celebrate by taking Molly for a nice walk to Whole Foods and leave her outside unattended.
I dunno. I'd be wary. Haven't you people read Pet Semetary? The owners should sleep with one eye open.
Just say "No" to dog poo, flung or otherwise.
Hahaha... Nice use of the local PoP!
I've seen a lot of comments about dogs in grocery stores. I'm pretty sure that everyone knows that service dogs are allowed in them (I have a service dog myself) and wouldn't overtly bother someone who has one. I have argued in a Giant in DC with a woman who told me I couldn't have her there with me, and it gets annoying!
But, there are guidelines for business owners to allow those dogs in. They are allowed because they are clean and behave themselves (for the most part). You can kick a guide dog out of a business if they are smelly or dirty, if they misbehave and are aggressive, or excessively bark. They are specially trained with their owners not to be like that. No way am I letting Joe Schmoe in with his dog when I don't know how he'll behave! People need to take responsibility and realize dogs are a lot of work, and no you shouldn't just leave the dog outside while you shop. Just like people who shouldn't have children, I think people should take a test to make sure they won't be stupid with their dogs. I agree with most people on this site who are being "snarky" because it was their own stupidity, sorry.
I was recently referred to this site as a friend told me you are all quite animal enthusiasts. I have been watching a friend's dog while he was out of the country. Sadly, he ended up being gored to death in Spain during the running of the bulls. Long story short, I can't take care of this dog forever. He told me once it's a Vespa or Vizsla or something like that. She is gray and responds to the name Polly. She is a very friendly dog, but doesn't like to be tied up and left alone for long periods of time. Please let me know if you might be interested. I have to sell her so I can use the funds to send my friend's remains back to the states and other funeral costs. I was told she is a purebred. All offers will be considered. We must meet alone and we can handle the transaction in the alley between Gin and Tonic and the Liquor store in Cleveland Park...accross the street from Whole Foods. Just reply to this post.
My name is Jim. I've worked for Animal Control in MD for many years now and I wouldn't recomend anyone paying this woman. Her story sounds a little fishy if you ask me. There are plenty of dogs ready for adoption at your local shelters. You never know what you're going to run up against. See my picture for instance. Those toy dogs had me and my partner cornerd for hours. My partner Chet, may he rest in peace, made the ultimate sacrifice that day. We tried luring the little bastards into a cage with a proven technique involving peanut butter. Those mongrels chewed off Chet's genitals and he bled out. I couldn't help him as I had to enforce a safety perimeter. His cries for help still ring in my ears to this very day. Just be careful.
Convince Dana White to launch Ultimate Animal Fighting. I want to see Travis the face eating chimp go head to head to head with Pookums the nut cracking pug.
* Apparently it's the extra head which makes Pookums the lethal warrior that he is.
I'll take it, just as soon as I get that $1,650,000 check from that guy in Nigeria who promised in his email to wire it once I sent him all my personal information. Shot it to him this morning, so I should have that money by the end of the day! Hooray!
The one fatality in this year's running was a Spaniard.
Good show, though.
Damn you and all your fact checking! My Kabuki Theater is now closed. You won't hear from the crazy lady (dog4sale), the Barkleys, or the Animal Control officers anymore.
However, please stay late for Monkey's Bukake Theatre!
I thought dog4sale's comment was a joke.
The funny thing is I had this all planned out this morning. And as soon as I made my first post the damn dog was found! (which is a good thing in the big scheme of things, but bad for comedy) Kind of strange...maybe I have special powers.
Monkey's Bukake Theatre? ROFLMAO! PLEASE let me know how I can get in on that! :D
This week, Monkey's Bukkake Theater presents Anton Chekhov's "The Seagull." Starring my right hand as Boris Alexeyevich Trigorin, the failed writer of sentimental romances; my penis as Konstantin Treplieff, the symbolist poet; and Travis the Face-eating Chimp as "The Seagull."
Our play opens in A Room in Polonius' House...
TREPLIEFF: I was base enough to-day to kill this seagull. I lay it at your feet. So shall I soon end my own life.
SEAGULL: EEP! EEP! EEP! [eats cast, gets shot by secret police]
A Cocker Spaniard? Those are good hunting dogs.
It was just a matter of time before the Nigerian scam morphed into a "dog for sale" scam.
Do it for the doggies.
Like every bad spam I've ever gotten--this stinks! lol
who gives a shit
who gives a shit
who gives a shit
there you have it, owners of Molly, a great reason never to leave your dog unattended in the middle of DC: crazy people. If you need any more reasons, let me know.
YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, you folks are relentless. So what's the verdict on sentencing here? Should they be burned at the stake or merely branded on the forehead with a "D"?
They should be rubbed in raw meat and brought to the local animal adoption shelter for "re-education."
The punishment should fit the crime. The owners and the dognapper should be forced to eat Molly in Whole Foods, then dig a hole and throw up in it. The remains would then be graverobbed. I know this sounds extreme, but the video would make a ton of money in Japan.
OMG. That is exactly the same as the Chinese...excuse me, the Asian American fertility ritual. Or more precisely the American Apparel lesbian salsa.
What? Chinese people don't put dog in their lesbian salsa. That's an urban legend. They don't even have lesbian salsa in China.
Non dog owners should not judge dog owners mistakes, because we don't know what it's like to own a dog. And owning a dog is the most important thing in the world. So I've heard from dog owners. Well second to grieving the loss of Michael Jackson.
Wait, we lost Michael Jackson b/c someone tied him up in front of a Whole Foods? Awesome!
It's what got Cronkite too. It's an epidemic. Dispatch the CDC, the WHO and Team America, stat!
Then, umm, can we tie Dick Cheney up in front of the Whole Foods? Pretty please?
We can hire the Dog Whisperer if we need to know the TRUE STORY. All the saucy bits too. I don't mean to alarm any of you, but there were a lot of strange pods in front of Whole Foods that day. Invasion of the Doggy Snatchers is more like it. Molly's owners better keep watch of her. That dog done seen something and she's just itching to tell. You'll see. Go Molly!
Well, I'm one person with no criticism to offer but a lot of happiness to share. It's great news that Molly is home! Yay for doggie reunion!
Well, I'm one person with no happiness to offer but a lot of criticism to share.
.
..
...
Molly!
I still think it was nice of the crazy lady to look after Molly while her idiot owners were shopping inside Whole Foods.
LOL
"Molly seems to be in good health, he said, although understandably tired."
Maybe she earns her living as a dogwalker?
Did Molly want to go home? Sound like life with the crazy lady wasn't that bad; the constant walks, the wonderful smells of the homeless and the Thunderbird was fantastic! Well back to the 8 to 5 condo lock up.
Soon there's going to be a litter of space critters.
I hope Molly and her owners live happily ever after. I'm a sucker for happy endings.
I had a sexy snarky comment but I decline. Whew!
You are a better man than me....
"I am a sucker for happy endings"
I heard that about you.
Everybody back in the pickup!
Me too...I mean I'm a sucker for happy endings.
"I get by with a little help from my friends
I get by with a little tug from my friends"
I don't go down to your job and slap the Milkbone out of your mouth, do I?
Hey man, whatever gets you off...I personally disdain slober on a used milkbone...hey now!
That slobbering you mention is called socializing in the dogs world.
Pit Pat!
Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room, and you're all here. And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all, and - oh, Auntie Em
News channel 8 did a bit about this this morning, and how people on blogs offered support while they tried to find Molly. The screen showed the comment board from the DCist's June 30 post and for a solid 8-10 seconds you could CLEARLY read, on TV, monkeyrotica's comment where he says:
"Hello little doggie. Would you like to come home with me?" And the dog says, "Why? So I can watch you lay your trendy lifestyle that you just charged to your AmEx down on a bed of complacency and slowly f**k it to death? No thanks."
It made my morning.
Pat Collins REALLY should have been all over this when it first happened...he would have hands down won his 11th Emmy!
Wow, Monkey was on TV?!? Cool. You made my morning, run_for_the_hills!
Monkey is nothing more than a media whore (wow, that rhymes).
That absolutely wins. My day's been made!
Full disclosure: that quote was from a Shawn Belschwender comic, either Refrigerator Johnny or Hitpoints Charlie.
Also, that quote about drinking a case of PBR and peeing in the City Councilmembers' faces was taken completely out of context.
Michael Vick is a free man.
I think the comments from that original post wouldn't have been so snarky if the owners had come on there saying, "We screwed up and are now paying for it. We hope we can get Molly back so that she doesn't pay for our negligence."
But no, they came on here as if they were not partly responsible for what happened to Molly. They claimed no responsibility for their actions and thus, they got a slew of snark and reprimand. My sympathy only goes so far when people can't take responsibility for their actions.
Ding! We have a winnah! The DCist regulars rarely snark without a good reason. Idiocy and hypocricy are right up there.
If I were to ever do anything really stupid, I would certainly count on my fellow commentariats to be honest and courageous enough to give me a well-deserved spanking. Snarky or not.
Hmmmmm! Spanking?
Good news about Molly, but I doubt Hopkin will ever be found.
http://www.lostfrog.org/
My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.
I think Deep is onto something. Michael Vick is released, and then Molly is freed. Coincidence? Visions of the Iranian embassy hostages and Reagan's inaugration are dancing in my head.
And just to piss everybody off, I think Michael Vick's sentence was total bullsh*t. Is he a mean, sick f*ck for what he did to those dogs? Yes. Should the taxpayer have been forced to pay his lodgings all of those years because he is a sick f*ck? No. He should have done 6 weeks.
And 4 of those weeks should have been for the gambling charges.
What the hell are you talking about?
I'm sorry. Heh. Am I not making any sense? I guess I was associating the Michael Vick case to the Molly situation because they were both examples of people losing all sense of proportion concerning the wellbeing of dogs. Molly was a lost/stolen dog, which in the larger scope of things is a giant 'so what?' Michael Vick was a dog murderer, which in the larger scope of things is also a giant 'so what?' The association between the two is so glaring to me that I'm incapable of separating the two stories. My bad.
What part of it is "so what"?
You're an animal lover. I'm an animal liker. We're never going to see eye to eye on this.
See and I thought you were opening a discussion on why we use tax dollars to hold criminals who have wronged society...so, I guess, MY bad...
no no, I'm fully acknowledging that I was making very little sense to anyone who wasn't inside my head. In fact, all the personalities inside my head took a vote on it.
M is for the memories that you gave to me
O is for the Oscar Meyer Theraphy
L is for the licking
L lots and lots of licking
Y because we snark U
! @%&$*#&
Emm...Ohh...You...Ess...Eee.
Ten bucks says Molly gets abandoned in front of Whole Foods again this weekend! (just for a few seconds I'm sure)
$10 says animal control will put Whole Foods on the regular route.
$20 says the charcuterie chefs start loitering around Whole Foods. Canine fois gras is going to be the next big trendy small plates dish. Half the cost of goose liver and only a third as much rabies. That's flavor country! Would you like a f**king merlot with your foie chien a la yuppie gulag?
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS UPDATE I WAS LOSING SLEEP OVER THIS
The owners were lucky and blessed to get their dog back and had they lived in any other neighborhood and been of any other socio-economic class, I highly doubt they'd of ever gotten the police to put so much effort into the dog's recovery!
Now, to the owners, I sure hope you NEVER leave Molly unattended outdoors again! EVER! If you lose her a second time I won't feel even the least bit sorry for you, only the poor dog you didn't care enough about to keep a closer eye on!
well thank god molly didn't end up a statistic in this story: Dogs in a deadly crossfire
Also, The Daily Beast comments section looks to be on par with WaPo. DCist might be full of sarcasm, but at least it's literate and not completely serious, illogical ranting and thoughts of vengeful bodily harm.
I've learned a valuable lesson from this: never name a dog Molly.
I also learned a valuable lesson this summer. When you're sitting around the campfire in Rehoboth, drinking beer and eating Grotto Pizza and singing sea chanteys and "Tom Dooley" and "We Built This City," whatever you do, DON'T try and light your farts with a Bic lighter. An eight-foot tongue of flame will shoot out of your ass and burn your friends' faces off. Just try explaining that to their parents in the morgue. In short: beer, Grotto Pizza, and fire don't mix. I have the scars to prove it.
Now, what's this about a missing dog?
And knowing is half the battle!
Is it legal to leave a retarded monkey tied to a tree outside Whole Foods?
Is your retarded monkey gay or transgender? If so, that counts as a hatecrime.
Hopefully now people will be more aware of the need to keep crazy people leashed.
This would also make a ton of money in the Japanese fetish video department: Hogtied Hobos in Heat (in Whole Foods).
I said hello, Molly,......well, hello, Molly
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're lookin' swell, Molly.......I can tell, Molly
You're still glowin'...you're still barking...you're still goin' strong
I feel Fresh Fields swayn'......while the bands playn'
One of your old favorite songs from way back when
So..... take her leash, fellas.......find her an empty lap, fellas
Molly'll never go away again
The Unsinkable Molly the dog
happened to get lost.
The peeps on DCist
got a hold of it.
They started to snark,
they made Molly bark,
and there was no bleeding end to it.
Maybe someone should invest their monies:
http://www.doggienews.com/2005/12/dog-lock-locking-leash.htm
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Molly is back home.
No thanks to you.
How do we know if Molly has really returned? Her owners were just trying to shut us up. Was there a DNA test?
We're never gonna shut-up unless we know for a fact that the real Molly has been returned.
The cast of the Real World was at the reunion. The photos will be posted this afternoon.
Bark, Bark, Bark, went the Molly
Snark, Snark, Snark, blogging Hell
Zing, Zing, Zing, went my heartstrings
When I learned that the doggy was well.
I don't understand how you all can go on and on about this dognapping thing, knowing that a porch has been shot in Eckington!
The way I read it, the porch did the shooting.
Shooting porches? This demands action!
* Mandatory porch locks
* Ban all semi-automatic and pistol grip porches
* Limit each household to no more than two porches
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disassemble all porches, put the parts in different parts of the house, yadda-yadda-yadda.
You're forgetting one thing: there's no Constitutional right to a porch, so the city is well within its rights to implement common-sense porch control legislation.
See, it's people like you that make it easy for the porch-banners to go around confiscating porches. Y'see, that's how starts. First, there was Obama. Then they come for the porches. Next thing you know, here comes the king of England and the UN and the muslims and the vegans to push you around, make you eat sprouts and have abortions.
When porches are outlawed, only the outlaws have porches!
So, when we read about a "park shooting" or "interstate shooting" incident.... ? You know where I'm goin. If that's the case, then I just don't understand how people can be posting and posting about a solved dognapping when there's a porch in Eckington that has shot someone!
Mama CHUD Chinatown Sue said to check the dogs stool for JUMBO PIZZA SLICE residue.
HI! BILLY MAYS HERE! I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE DOG MOLLY IS A ZOMBIE! THAT'S RIGHT A ZOMBIE!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Hey, contextually, my "BOOOOO..." no longer makes sense.
Non-dog owners, please remember that we live in a society where dogs are not allowed to accompany their masters without discrimination. You cannot blame the owners for negligence because they were doing the right thing per society's standards. Why did Molly have to be tied outside at all where she was made vulnerable to this woman?
They were not "doing the right thing per society's standards." The right thing would have been to walk Molly, return home, and then go to the store on a separate trip - sans dog. Indeed, Molly did not have to be tied up outside, at all. She would have been at home, safe and sound.
Because Molly, as sweet as she is, walks in feces and urine and slobbers and dry humps things, and Whole Foods is A GROCERY STORE. ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
If grocery stores want to start selling dog meat, as long as that meat is properly marked, I'm all for it. Otherwise, NO DOGS IN THE GROCERY STORE, period.
"Otherwise, NO DOGS IN THE GROCERY STORE, period."
Of course, if they're seeing eye dogs, they should be allowed. It isn't like their owners don't walk in their own urine and feces and slobber and dry hump things too, and we can't ban them.
Yeah, you're right. The inside of an average grocery store is way to gross for my dog to go in, let along eat anything that comes out of it. (Didya see Food inc?)
In a city that loves asses and elephants, I never would have imagined so much hate could be felt towards the faithful dog.
I don't hate your dog, but that does not entitle him/her to civil rights. Your dog might be clean enough to be brought into an enclosed business that sells raw food, but that mangy monstrosity down the street isn't. How do we tell the owner of that creature his dog isn't permitted indoors while yours is permitted? How does the grocery manager tell the difference? Is he/she expected to sense the love that exists between you two and know that the dog is well cared for? Lordy. No dogs in groceries, period.
This is loco talk. Society (and Whole Foods) discriminates against dogs? What's next, civil rights marches for dogs? A Constitutional amendment? Social Security for dogs?
WAIT. This is just the beginning! Next we'll be hearing that dogs won't be allowed in hospitals, strip bars and tattoo parlors. And you can forget about the Get Out of Jail Free cards.
Most animals should not go around nekkid. Tempting us with all their nekkidness. Especially them dogs. All their things a-danglin'. Them tails a-waggin'. Ahh, now I done caught the vapors.
That's called "Doggy Style".
You should start a local chapter of S.I.N.A.
http://abelraisescain.com/alan_abel/sina1.php
I can imagine the marches and chants:
What do we want?
Ruff!
When do we want it?
Ruff!
DOG RIGHTS NOW!
I'll be fronting the money for the startup of the "Canine Rights Association & Practice" or "CRAP."
When is the book coming out?
I think before a book, there will be a Lifetime movie called "Not Without My Chewtoy."
Anyone think that Molly/Owners faked her abduction in order to become reality TV stars?
I just want to know what it is about this dog, this story, whatever, that makes DCist readers go batshit crazy.
You must admit, some of these comments are pretty damn hilarious.
The lady who abducted Molly could possibly be the same lady who assaulted my wife while trying to steal our neighbors dog we were watching. We also believe her to be responsible for other incidents of the same M.O. When she assaulted my wife she stopped her car on Porter during Rush Hour approached my wife yelling "Thats my dog, thats my dog" then proceeded to chase my wife down Porter back to our building where my wife was able to get away from this lady. She slammed on the windows of our buildings doors tried to pry the door open and stalked around the front of the building. The whole time her car sat on Porter with the door open and people just drove around it and no one helped. We called the police, they stated they were aware of this woman and she has done it to other dog owners. That was it the police did nothing.
Now on Saturday my wife encounters the same lady driving around the neighborhood while walking our dog. The lady stopped got out of her car again but realized my wife was already calling the police. She jumps in her car and speeds off. She had a Vizsla in the back seat. So what does the lady proceed to do? She tries to break into a house on Rodman only to be run off by the owner, she gets into the same style car. The house owners usually keep their Golden on the porch where she was attempting to break into. The police it seems finally did something this time.
While it is not always a great idea to leave your pet tied up outside, it is obvious if this lady is the same lady we encountered then she was out to steal any dog. Even if it meant forcefully stealing one. She was a very unstable lady. We have it all on video.
I say we either shoot her or fix her up with Marion Barry.
I say we fix her and then shoot her along with Marion Barry.
Best zing yet!
Ach! So much shooting and fixing going on. It's like I'm a junkie in Alphabet City all over again. Can't we all join hands and paws and sing "We Built This City?" Or at least agree to strangle crazy lady on sight with our bare hands?
While dancing on the the owners' noggins on the seat of a giant chair?
That sucks guy, sounds like your wife was at least relatively unharmed (physically) which is good! I was physically assaulted by a psyciatric patient at Congress Heights in January because he was afraid I would tell the police at the station entrance that he'd jumped the faregate at the Metro station. He waited at the to of the escelator for me just out of my view, he popped me in the face but didn't hurt me, scared the shit out of me though. I was pissed when I fell on the ground and saw the police car driving away less than 15 feet from where the assult was still taking place. DC cops really have their heads up their @$$es sometimes. At anyrate, this is an urban land we live in though, a large city with lots of crazies, so it's best to always be on our guard. I freely admit there are things I should have been doing differently that might have prevented my (fortunately minor) assualt--things that I will do next time or am doing now to prevent a future incident like that. The best you can do is keep reporting the crazy lady and look into some self-defense strategy. If the police continually fail to act, consult your ANC Commissioners and Ward Councilmember... it is their job to ensure oversight on the DCPD to keep the neighborhoods safe to a reasonable degree.
you should teach your wife how to cold cock someone
does anyone have a copy of the picture of the suspect from that craigslist ad? i have been off the computer for a little while, but just realized that a dog looking exactly like molly randomly appeared in my apartment building recently, with a woman who i would describe as having mental health issues
I think this or this are pictures of her.
My coworkers wanted to know what was so funny...
Back from vacay and treated to more Molly the dog goodness. I love you DCist; you are truly the gift that keeps on giving.
Welcome back! You obviously have DCist confused with Syphilis.
Oh, I think there's no confusion at all - both slowly permeate your brain and are antibiotic resistant.
Molly!
Both afflictions are accompanied by feelings of guilt and shame.
Get in the pickup, Michael!
So, DCist, when do we get a happy hour with special guest appearance by Molly?
You know you want to.
Molly is this years Blair Witch Project.