Voting for Super Mayor Ends Tonight
The long campaign for the D.C. mayoralty, begun roughly Tuesday, draws to a close today -- with no clear front-runner in sight. As voters head to the polls (voting is open until 6 p.m.), many are still asking questions about the candidates. They've all got their strengths -- some endowed by radioactive spiders, others by cybernetic implants. But aren't these capes all carpetbaggers? Can any of them represent the District?
Spider-Man: In many ways, Spider-Man is an ideal candidate for the DCist endorsement. He's an amateur-turned-professional photographer who ditched his career at the Daily Bugle to teach high school science, with a platform emphasizing his experience in science and health care and beating up Dr. Octopus. And Spider-Man 2 was awesome.
But did Spidey ever submit photos to the DCist Pool? He says he's a friend of Mayor Fenty -- does that mean that he supports DCPS Chancellor Michelle Rhee?
Most disappointing is Spider-Man's failure to address an issue that should be near and dear to his heart: D.C.'s height restriction ordinance. He does realize that he can't web-sling his way across D.C.'s skyline, doesn't he? The ol' webhead could be a great advocate for easing height restrictions and opening the way for smarter development in the District, but your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has still got his head stuck in Queens.
Green Lantern: I'm as ready as the next voter for a green economy, especially if that means that every thing runs on Lantern power battery. But the Emerald Knight's candidacy raises some sincere concerns. Which Green Lantern is running for office? We seem to be getting Kyle Rayner, which is good, because Hal Jordan went totally nuts (and we've already had at least one crazy mayor). But the Corps should have considered running John Stewart, the first African-American Lantern and one of DC Comics's first black heroes. Otherwise, the Lantern's platform looks good. DCist is concerned that the Parallax Fear Anomaly will affect his ability to address the Golden Triangle Business Improvement District, but voters should expect rapid Green Line expansion.
Super-Man: How come it looks like someone chose District of Columbia statehood from a pulldown menu?:
Sort of makes you wonder whether an alien from Krypton raised in Kansas can relate to the people of the District. But it's irrelevant. The Wilson Building is simply too close to the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History for Superman to be mayor. With its abundant supplies of kryptonite in the Department of Mineral Sciences, Superman would be too weakened to battle with the D.C. Council -- much less Brainiac.
The Atom: Seriously, the Atom? What are we, Cleveland? We have to go shopping for our mayor in the Justice League's B-list?
Wonder Woman: She loses the libertarian vote with her pledge to institutionally violate the civil rights of suspected criminals in the District with the Lasso of Truth -- expect constant protests at the Cato Institute. On the other hand, her platform is the most strongly pro-woman of the bunch. A foreign policy plank that emphasizes her support for the Genocide Prevention Task Force is maybe a bit grandiose for the mayoralty, but she is the daughter of Hera -- maybe we had better do what Wonder Woman says and vote for her.
Batwoman/Batgirl: Both Batwoman and Batgirl put education first: Batwoman endorses the DREAM Act, while Batgirl highlights her own struggles with dyslexia and illiteracy in fighting for better education. Too bad they're splitting the chiropterologically minded vote. Expect the debate to fall along the lines of youth versus experience as both bat-ladies lose. It really is too bad: Batgirl really seems to understand how the District works.
Cyborg: His platform is filled with statements that begin, "When Cyborg is mayor," which sounds awesome. And no doubt his work as a "facilitator of interplanetary dialogue" will help him to reach out to Chancellor Rhee. Despite the vague pledge to transform D.C. into a Silicon Valley on the East Coast, Victor Stone has yet to address how he'll create jobs today -- at a time when District unemployment has crested 10%. Were Cyborg smart, he'd announce a shadow cabinet composed entirely of members of the Teen Titans.
With so many obvious drawbacks to each of the candidates, we're going to refrain from making an official endorsement -- the polls are open until 6 p.m. for those of you with the strength to choose among them.