Photo of the Day: November 27, 2009
Morning Roundup: Black Friday Edition
Car Pushed Into Anacostia River By Train
Devendra Banhart @ 9:30 Club
- Plenty of folks already discussing this in the comments, but the guys who are behind the upcoming Capital City Diner say they were mugged over the weekend, and that a police officer they spoke with encouraged them not to file a police report. They did anyway, and now the MPD is telling them they are investigating the police officer's conduct.
- The tenants association at 3145 Mt Pleasant Street is reportedly trying to purchase the property where their apartment building burned to the ground over a year ago.
- Rep. Jim Moran thinks D.C. should widen 14th Street so that Virginia commuters can have an easier time entering the city. Matt Yglesias says it best: "Maybe DC doesn’t want to widen 14th Street because it’s an urban street with buildings on both sides."
- SWDC Blog has some photos of the interior of Waterfront Tower.
- A National Pinball Museum in Silver Spring?
- WUSA9 declares the first day of a school at DCPS a success.
- Thieves are using the Jaws of Life to pry open ATM machines.
Go Home Already: Breaking Away
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We went to the Macy's at 12th & G this morning for the Black Friday morning specials. There was a sh
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paddleboard? nice shot!
Paddleboarding is a crime.
If only the National Park Service would re-open the C&O Canal for paddleboat transit, there'd be no need for a second Potomac River crossing. Between the paddleboats, gondolas, and the water powered jetpacks, white-knuckled commutes would become kickass adventures. All we need is a multi-million-dollar feasibility study to measure the effect of potential "water rage" incidents, as well as the the impact of low-altitude trouser soilage on both the environment and those groundlings unfortunate enough to be beneath the commuter.
There's no possible way to widen 14th. The solution is to divert traffic onto other local streets off the highway, and improve the signal timing so that cars don't have to stop as often before independence.
Another solution would be for Moran to adopt policies which encourage his constituents to make use of other routes. METRO, for example.
Seriously, are we to believe even he believes this shit? A number of the buildings he proposes be demolished are federal- or federal landmarks. Yeah, like, we need to reopen Penn Ave, let's move the Whitehouse!
Just goes to show the depth of denial he's dealing with, I guess.
Widening 14th Street accomplishes nothing but moving bottlenecks further north. You'd be better off spending those millions on burying it all in a 14th Street Tunnel. But then you'd have the CHUDs and Morlocks to deal with but f**k them. Those pale cannibal bastards had it coming. Just get ready for them the play the race card and protest with huge banners that say, "NO WHITE MENS TUNNELS THROUGH TROGLODYTE MENS HOMES!" Good thing all you need is a million candlepower floodlight and they all scatter like roaches.
"moving bottlenecks further north. "
Ding winner!, further north out of his juristrisction then he can redirect complaints to the DC US Representative....ohhh wait...snap!!!! BRILLIANT....a 90% reduction in constituent mail and a civics lesson.
You're all making this way too complicated. All we have to do is narrow the buildings. They're too plump anyway.
And if 14th is widened to Walter Reed, we won't have these so called bottlenecks that the naysayers keep carping about. All the excess capacity will create luxury lanes that today's high stress motorist richly deserves.
There. Problem solved.
If the so-called "free press" had done a little digging, they'd realize that this is nothing but a stealth plan by the Union of Morbidly Obese Streetwalkers (Local #69), and their paid lackey Moran, to bring hookers back to 14th Street. Meanwhile, auto-centric sprawl advocates continue to deny the merits of common-sense transit alternatives like the Flaming Gaylord Poop Chute and the George Allen Macaca Memorial Trebuchet.
These would totally merit Congressional funding if they were named after Ronald Reagan.
Yeh, I'm sure that if the DC funded, say, a Brown line from Stafford that all the hayseeds would jump the poop shoot into the District.
I think we need to try a viaduct! Yep, an elevated roadway is just the way to go. We've seen how sucessful they've been in other parts of the District, so I'm sure it'll work well on 14th Street. In fact, you could have Upper 14th Street and Lower 14th Street just like they have Upper & Lower Whackoff in Chicago.
Advantage--no Morluck or CHUD uprising... at least this week.
Uh, pinball museum? High in the running for Best Idea Ever: Silver Spring Division. Of course it wouldn't be any fun unless you could play the machines -- something tells me therein may lie the rub.
No playing allowed.
Also, the machines are haunted.
I hope the pinball museum has an exhibit just on that loud popping sound that indicates you just won a free game. All true pinball lovers know the beauty of that sound.
We used to call it The Knock.
I was just going to say "the knock"! What a beautiful, beautiful sound.
How about DC institutes tolls at the river crossings, thusly moving the bottlenecks slightly south, and gaining revenue! Problem solved? Also, a hint to drivers coming from VA - the 12th St ramp, which leads to either 12th or D off of 395/1 leads to another road that goes the same direction as 14th st - and it's got a tunnel, and after pennsylvania, is 1-way into the city! genius! of course, the ramp is currently under construction.
A more effective means of moving bottlenecks would involve dynamiting all river crossings. This has the added advantage of forcing all DC-based employers to hire DC/MD workers. VA-based workers who insist on continuing to work downtown would be able to use any of the river-crossing trebuchets available for a small non-tax-deductible transit fee. Or you could just drive down the road to Buckleberry Ferry, 20 miles as the Nazgûl flies, and you better hope you don't have one of those on your tail.
Also, drivers should be encouraged to use mass transit by electrifying the gas station pumps. Those drivers who manage to endure the pain without passing out would be immolated the igniting gas fumes. This is a small price to pay for reducing gridlock. I would also bring back hanging and go into rope. Finally, I would cut off the more disreputable parts of the body and use the space for playing fields.
would this create an increase in MD drivers in DC?
pros and cons must be evaluated.
MD drivers will be discouraged from using DC roads by the combination of a commuter tax and the constructon of a Maginot Line/Black Gate of Mordor around the District. The old world will burn in the fires of industry. Forests will fall. A new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the spear and the iron fist of the Orc.
No tolls! That would just make my reverse-commuting-to-Tysons life that much crappier.
No one has suggested the overcrowded ferry method of crossing the Potomac, popular in other countries.
Moran is an ass. But since Northern Virginia has solved their own traffic congestion problems by widening I-95 and other high-volume routes, we should let the Congressman screw up our roads. Thanks, but no thanks!
What a moran.