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Virginia vs William & Mary: Good news, Tribe alumni! Those of you who survived your education and its notoriously high (if maybe misleading) suicide rate have a reason to keep on keepin' on after the season opener against UVa's Cavaliers. W&M officials ought to think about hiring on cornerback B.W. Webb as a campus counselor for at-risk students following his performance in the game. He was on call for three passes from Virginia quarterback Jameel Sewell, turning the last of these picks around for a touchdown. Sewell was just one of three quarterbacks (in addition to Vic Hall and Marc Verica) to take the helm of an offense that coach Al Groh promised was all-new and all-different -- but proved to be all-slippery at best. In its 26-14 loss, Virginia committed a whopping seven turnovers, as if they were trying to catalog the possibilities for losing the ball. A bad snap, a fumble, a confusing backward pass, and a total punt fail contributed to Virginia's efforts to do 9999 damage to its season's prospects.
The Tribe only needed not to lose, and despite penalties that cost them a total 100 yards, redshirt senior quarterback R.J. Archer did the job, throwing a harmless eye-en-tee in the fourth and a touchdown early on to capitalize on Virginia's self-destruct sequence.
What's Virginia's path to recovery? Next week, Virginia plays #17 Texas Christian University, and the Cavs have everything to prove. The team (surely) can't commit more turnovers in their next game, so Groh would do well to focus on the more glaring problem in the offense: the hole in the team's pocket. Quarterback-by-committee might be the right strategy to try to stop the bleeding in a game pockmarked by disastrous turnovers, but the team needs a leader. In the team's only highlight during the game, Sewell lit up for 5 passes for 45 yards and 4 carries for 35 yards. That's a place to start.
Maryland vs Cal: Expectations were set appropriately low for Maryland's season-opening 52-13 rout at the hands of #12 California. Maryland had nothing to match last year's highlight reel–winning hit against Cal carrier Jahvid Best, after which he vomited. But it was Maryland left with the bad taste in their mouth this year: Cal completely and utterly dominated the game on offense, putting together a dominant 542 yards, with contributions coming from the air and the ground. Heisman-looker Best ran a solid 137 yards on his lonesome -- and on only 10 carries at that. To Maryland's credit, this loss was the most lopsided season-opener in over a century. There's nowhere to look but up from there, and Dan Brown's new defensive blitz scheme will probably take a game or two to cement.
Virginia Tech vs Alabama: One of the best games of the evening -- following #3 Oklahoma's ego-crushing loss against #20 Brigham Young University -- resulted in a respectable loss for #7 Virginia Tech against #5 Alabama. The game wasn't beautiful by any means: Both teams suffered two turnovers and neither managed any fourth-down conversions. And Virginia Tech essentially lost the game on third-downs, converting only 2 for 12. But it nevertheless managed not to be a race to the bottom. Alabama easily overwhelmed the Hokies on offense, with passing and rushing gains totaling just shy of 500 yards compared to a miserly 155 total offensive yards. Virginia Tech picked up a special teams score and capitalized on some damaging penalties. Given a few more of those against teams with less-towering offenses -- say, the other teams in the ACC -- Virginia Tech's season still has promise.
How did #2 Texas do? I'm glad you asked! The highlight of the game belonged to freshman tailback D.J. Monroe, who returned a kickoff for 89 yards for his first play in regular-season college football. Heisman-surefire (that's right!) Colt McCoy didn't look half-bad with 317 passing yards for two TDs (and one itsy-bitsy interception).
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Uh, Virginia Tech is #7, not #17...seriously big difference (and I can't believe I'm pointing this because I HATE Virginia Tech).
That being pointed out, what a ridiculously awesome photo to accompany this post.
Fixed. Sorry for that typo.
I think the suicide references are a little inappropriate for a sports recap. Actually I think it's very inappropriate - you cheekily reference suicide, sorta-but-not-really retract it with a link, then make some more jokes about at-risk students? That's your act?
You write for DC blog, where there is a very large number of W&M alums (including this one) who live and work in the city, yet your lone factoid for W&M is a myth about having the highest suicide rate in the country?
Email me, and I'll personally drive you to Williamsburg and give you a tour of the school sometime.
Yeah, I went to another school that is largely famous for having a mostly unsubstantiated suicide myth (and the fact that our most famous alumnus is a fictional character on an NBC sitcom doesn't help our reputation either), so I'd be kinda miffed if I were a W&M alum right now. But in the end, this is just a blog and what Kriston has to say doesn't really matter in the long run (sorry Kriston).
W&M also has alumni from a (formerly NBC) sitcom. Terk and JD from Scrubs.
TRIBE PRIDE! It was a great game to go to on Saturday -- W&M represented well in the visitor's section.
ZOMG! Seriously cute baby!!
As a William and Mary alumnus, I immediately rubbed the win in the faces of all my UVA friends, then quickly went back to my old life and forgot what exactly football was.
The whole William and Mary-suicide connection is bull and needs to end. The jokes about William and Mary being stressful are funny, but I did lose a friend to suicide at William and Mary and it wasn't because he studied too much. Is this DCist's new game? Is it going to start making jokes about HIV and AIDS now that DC has one of the highest rates in the country?
I concur with these commentariat Kriston: you crossed over the snark-line. I am a tad surprised that you did, given your seasoning.
I'm not surprised. This is the second time in as many weeks where Kriston has been bested by his own snark. And the fact that he's comfortable responding only to positive/Texas remarks from the commentariat is also telling.
Suicide is bad; however, The College of Willy and Marinade overflows with inveterate doo-doo heads.
You must have gone to UVA to cook up such a pithy observ...
Gay jokes: freaking hi-larious
William and Mary jokes: WTF!!1!!
What do either of those have to do with anything? Last I checked, it was a joke about suicide, and how it's funny that William and Mary may or may not have a lot of suicides (ZOMG ISN"T THAT FUNNY!!!1!!one!!!111!) I've made a lot of inappropriate jokes before and hell yes they're funny. But on DCist? Meh. I don't make rape jokes about UVA, maybe DCist should make suicide jokes about William and Mary.
Kriston - you must be a fellow Texan. I appreciate your digestif of the Horns recap. How about Monroe?! We've got a little triumvirate of speedy, undersized guys now - Marquise Goodwin, DeSean Hales, and DJ Monroe - and I hope Mack decides to use them again this season.
That's right -- hook 'em! I even went to Austin for the season opener (plus a friend's bachelor party). My major complaint is minor in the scheme of things: I'd really like to see Mack Brown draft a talented running back and abandon the committee. I love watching McCoy play, and I'm not dissatisfied with the rushing yardage Texas comes up with, but I don't feel like we have a running back in the ranks ready for next year or the year after. Maybe it's Monroe? Doesn't seem like Texas to go that small but I'm open to the possibility.
The other commenters are right: suicide jokes cross the line. Now, about Colt McCoy: most accurate Longhorn since Charles Whitman? Discuss.
Burn! I shared your joke with my friend here in Austin and we both agree: that's a good one.
Nice to see that Kriston responded to the positive comment about Texas, but failed to correct the ranking for VaTech (again, not a Tech fan, but am a fan of the facts) and also didn't address anyone's concerns about the suicide comments...
Because he's a passive aggressive bottom, duh. Wow, I just channeled Monkey right there. But rightly so!
Wahoowa! Now *those* are the Cavaliers I know and love.
As a W&M alum in the D.C. area, I’m used to the hackneyed, inaccurate references to our “notoriously high suicide rate.” But the crass suggestion that the W&M cornerback should become a counselor to at-risk students is far more vitriolic than other snide remarks I’ve read. This comment doesn't have a place in a sports report, especially one that should be celebrating an underdog football team’s win. And I’m sadly unsurprised that making light of suicide is still seen as acceptable. Bad form.
That's retarded.
I don't actually believe that Webb should be brought on as a school counselor, if that was your reading, but yeah, I do think it is amusing to say Webb is the solution for all the school's problems -- especially given the fact that the notoriously high suicide rate is not in fact real. The school has this entirely undeserved reputation; I'll poke fun at that. I'm not laughing in the face of death when I laugh at a reputation that has no real bearing in reality. To all the calls of "too soon!": no, suicide is not funny, but a school known for committing suicide all the time is. I'll put it this way: It wouldn't be funny if it were true.
I think the suicide references are a little inappropriate for a sports recap.
Then I guess you're probably not in favor of W&M changing their nickname from the Tribe to the Razor Blades.
Kriston -
It's not even a matter of "too soon." It's a matter of creativity.
You could make fun of W&M for being full of colonial reenactors, or their continued rejections by the NCAA for their team logo and mascot, or the public outcry of a cross being removed from a chapel in the school, or the sex show that happened last year, or that the students probably don't even know the rules of football because they're in the library all day, or that most W&M kids probably didn't even know they HAD a football team, or that for the past couple years the mascot has been a green blob in a tricornered hat named EBIRT (TRIBE spelled backwards)some jokes about tri-cornered hats or busch gardens or the outlet malls or the numerous pancake houses or any other tidbit that makes W&M so weird.
But suicide? Really? That's just so hilarious? That's the best you can do?