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When I ordered this cake for our little 5th anniversary staff party last night (and we really do wish we could have invited all our readers! But we just didn't have the funds for something of that scale, I'm afraid), I went in person to a popular local bakery and wrote down "DCist" on the order form. The idea, I explained verbally to the woman taking my order, was to put the letters "DCist" across the whole cake, as big as possible. But at some point between when I paid for the cake and when the order got handed to the decorator, someone else wrote down these "instructions" on the order slip, indicating that "DCist" was to be written "on a whole cake." Sloppy handwriting made this spectacularly funny mistake even better by turning the message into "DCist on a Whale Cake." We could never have made this up.
So be on notice: the phrases "on a whole cake" and "on a whale cake" seem certain to appear multiple times in future DCist content. Whale cakes are the new fail whale. Or something.
(And yes, we have submitted this to Cake Wrecks).
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"DCist on a whale cake" is the new "Cleveland steamer."
I think the night ended with “Roman Showers”.
Wow, whale cake. Teh New Fatness.
As to the professed excuse as to why we weren't invited, I totally call shenanigans. With all of the money pouring in from the-sport-that-hasn't-caught-on-in-the-U.S. and softcore porn, you should be able to convince your evil New York overlords to shell out a couple hundred bucks to buy the first round and a few apps. You don't know what will happen until you actually DRAW the pentagram, so sharpen up that chalk...
Agreed. Sommer, this is how you throw a party. "Hey, we are having a staff get together at Tune Inn tonight. Come on and say hi."
We dont ask for much.
Sure, it starts off innocent enough with pitchers of MGD at Tune Inn but before you know it, Sommer's got her beer bong out and Martin's spinning his revolver on the table and shouting, "Di-di mao!" Then Tom breaks out his homemade F**king Machine he made out of an old Packard Bell computer, a crystal radio, and an ottoman full of banana pudding. Well, by the time Justice Sotomayor puts "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" on the jukebox and grabs a microphone, I usually blackout at that point.
I've never met the dude, but why do I suspect that the homemade machine reference is accurate??? Just kidding. Love ya, Tom. At least you know when Morning Updates should be posted.
No money? Bollocks! Besides, we do work too! We could've spared 20 bucks for a quick beer and apps to celebrate your 5th.
I've been meaning to try a whale cake for years. I hear they taste like chicken.
Seriously. If you really wanted a whale cake, wouldn't you have just gone to the source.
What does Cookiepuss have to say about this?
Eat me!
you've been waiting a long time to post a comment this brief, haven't you...
I've taken the liberty of registering the domain name "dcistonawhalecakefarts.com." This will really put DCist on the map. A sad, stinky map. But it'll be big! Gabby Hayes big! Move over, two-girls-one-cup! There's a new shock site in town! And it smells like boiled cabbage.
fail rivaling wmata. way to go.
It's a good thing you didn't order a cake from me! You would have clearly seen the word "ass" before the word "whole."
get back in the carvel truck, liz.
step back into the a$$hole, Liz, then step out of the a$$hole, and leave it wide open.
I'm noticing that the menz have you getting into and out of a lot of vehicles and, at least in one instance, an orifice. Is this because of your hooker ways? Or is there another reason?
aside from being downright hilarious, that's the ugliest cake i've seen. what are those colors? 'light black' on white? you should have at least put a pink, sunburnt, Segway-riding, fat tourist on there somewhere or maybe a brown half smoke.
Stop! Stop it now, Gilli! The next cake they order might have that new, crappy DCist logo on it. No offense!
Seriously, ugliest cake ever. It better be delicious inside- although, that might get yet another chuckle.
Whale cakes are just like fish cakes, only much bigger.
Let's see...
"DCist" isn't on the whole cake itself.
It's not even on a whale-shaped cake.
The cake looks like something I could've done at home, decorating and all.
This is FAIL on so many levels, that even the kid who wrote "Ice" as an answer for "What is hard water?" couldn't compare.
Please tell us which bakery this is so we all avoid it like a certain unnamed groin-hitting coffee shop?
I believe the preferred term is "junk-punching" but Monkey's the real expert.
Carvel has a monopoly on whale cakes. True story: Back in the 90s, a co-worker called up the Carvel on Gallows Rd. to order Fudgie the Whale for a birthday party. The call went like this:
Co-worker: Yes, I'd like to order Fudgie the Whale.
Carvel Dude: No Fudgie! Whale Cake!
CW: Yes, a Fudgie the Whale cake.
CD: No Fudgie! Whale Cake!
CW: Yes, that's what I'm *trying* to order, a Fudgie the Whale cake!
CD: NO FUDGIE! ONLY WHALE CAKE!
CW: Alright, alright, fine! Give me one Whale Cake.
Turns out, it was a Moby Dick cake, Fudgie's white cousin. Apparently, they only call him Fudgie if he's made with actual fudge. Who knew?
At least it was shaped like a whale, though.
my amygdala got twisted reading this
Baaaahahahahahahaha. This was the hardest it's been to stifle DCist-induced laughter at work in a long time.
Tom Carvel is rolling in his sugary grave.
You are not alone DCist...there is an entire blog dedicated to just these sorts of incidents. It's called Cake Wrecks: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
sommer said at the end of the article that she has submitted this cake. just thought you might have missed that.
Commentati correction o' teh day, right he-ah.
You mean that place that Sommer linked to at the end of her post?
Yes because no one else who comments on this blog has ever once missed something that's been posted at the bottom of a story...I'll be sure to flog myself....
Roll with the punches, Adams. We loves you.
Get back in the cake, Liz.
Not to apologize for atrocious penmanship, but I think you've got it wrong. It looks like an "o" not an "a", and the two lowercase "a" characters are distinctly different from the lowercase and uppercase "o"/"O".
Thus technically the decorator got the "DCIST on Whole Cake" message right. Eat your cake and quit kvetching.
faking your own walmart cake is pretty low. that would be like DC getting into cupcakes 2 yrs after NYC has been done with that shit.
oh wait....
JUNKPUNCHERS.
PICTURES!!!
also, ahem, who are THESE people?!
SNAP!!!! Sommer, you got some 'splainin to do!!!
I....I don't know what to say. DCist..how could you?!
And I'm not crying! THOSE ARE ALLERGIES!
*runs away wiping eyes*
Yeah, it was one thing if its a staff party, but to open it up to all your BFFs?
This reminds me of when I didn't get invited to my neighbor's 7th birthday party but I could hear the games and merriment through the backyard fence.
This reminds me of when I didn't get invited to my neighbor's 7th birthday party but I could hear the games and merriment through the backyard fence.
But what if the neighbors sent you pictures of all the cake and fun they had the next day. That'd make things better, right?
Yeah, that makes things lots better -- for my therapist. While we're at it, let's have everybody write on their Livejournal about how awesome the party was, and then send me links to the protected entries!
LOLLERSKATES
much like that cake, Dcists be full of shit!
(Putting on Lewis Black voice) SON of a BITCH! Best investigative journalism o' the day, right he-ah. I feel so horribly wronged. Wronged, I tell you, wronged.
And what I love is that the Politico piece used the word "hipster." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
God, this whole story gives me the skeevy, douchey feeling I always associated with Late Night Shots. There ain't nothing wrong with private parties for staff and friends. But when you report on it, it's just gross.
Let's summarize the story arc here...
"We like are having this totally bitchen party, for ourselves, for rocking."
"No, you're not invited."
"Oh Oh Oh, you've just got to see this off the hooook cake we had."
"Just look! No cake for you. We can't be buying you proles cake."
C'mon folks. Just because you get a new logo doesn't mean you should start flipping up your collar. Molly deserves better.
+1. They've gone all Wonkette on us.
Blogged today on Cake Wrecks:
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/09/whale-of-tale.html