Morning Roundup: Goodbye, Abe Edition
D.C. Police Seek Suspect in Series of Bank Robberies
Suspect in 9-Year-Old's Murder Found Dead in D.C. Jail
Photo of the Day: November 25, 2009
Ballou HS Rocks the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
I've never been to the National Harbor -- I don't think I can stand to see "The Awakening" anywhere but at Hains Point -- but from what little I knew, it's not a place you live. Sure, you'd go there for a conference, maybe to shop, and possibly to enjoy their groundbreaking local restaurants and character-infused bars. Or not. But people actually do seem to live there. The Post reports today on some of the people that have begun filling what will eventually be 2,500 residential units in the development, including a couple that gave up their Eastern Shore home for a 900-square-foot one-bedroom condo. (Yes, I did a double-take on that one too.) Sure, they have a world of entertainment options at their disposal, but they also have to bike across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge to get groceries.
Metro Seeks to Prevent Suicides: After the death of a teenage train jumper at Columbia Heights yesterday was called a suicide, Metro is starting to implement measures that would help prevent suicide attempts in the system, reports WTOP. So far this year nine people have attempted suicide by jumping in front of trains, with seven people dying as a result. In 2008 there were five attempts, two being fatal. Metro is working with a suicide prevention group to implement an outreach program for those that may be suicidal and starting a training program for Metro workers to better identify people that are suicidal.
D.C. Libraries Scale Back Service: Looking to save money like every other agency in the District's government, the city's public libraries will see scaled-back service as of October 5, writes the Post. With the District facing a $666 million budget gap over the next three years and the library system forced to cut $4.8 million from its $40 million budget, public libraries will close on Monday holidays, neighborhood libraries will close on Sundays and the D.C. bookmobile will be put out of service.
Deeds and McDonnell Go Head to Head in Debate: In a debate that touched on everything from national issues to local concerns, Democrat Creigh Deeds and Republican Robert McDonnell went at it over taxes, transportation, race, cap and trade and a decades-old thesis in an hour-long debate in Tysons Corner. WTOP's got a long write-up -- my favorite part is when Deeds declares himself a "Creigh Deeds Democrat" instead of an "Obama Democrat" -- as does the Post and the Times.
Briefly Noted: D.C. Council Chairman Vincent Gray joins chorus of those upset over school budget cuts ... I-270 called "hell on earth" ... Absentee ballots in Virginia available today ... Samurai sword death not a homicide.
This Day in DCist: On this day in 2008 we wondered if we'd see marriage equality in D.C. in 2009 and the D.C. Council finally updated their circa-1994 website. Oh, and we found out that D.C. cops also love Family Guy. In 2007, we debated what the best pizza in D.C. is and saw the Senate end our hopes for a voting seat in the House.
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That story on National Harbor is one of the most unintentionally funny things I've read in a while.
Even aspects of the National Harbor lifestyle that many would find an inconvenience Toole sees as a plus, like having to bike over the Woodrow Wilson Bridge for groceries.
Yet another ringing endorsement of the Oxon Hill Safeway and Giant! They're so good, people are riding bikes in the opposite direction, crossing a bridge into another state, to get away from them!
"It's nice to live someplace where there are tourists," said Toole, ... "We take the elevator down, and we're where people might have driven 500 miles to get to."
This gentlemen has a very appropriate name.
"There's nothing bad," said Toole, as he sat on a bench with his Labradoodle, Doobie, not far from a reproduction of a piece of Stonehenge on a street named American Way. It's lined with $3-an-hour parking meters and gushing fountains and was inspired by the famed Barcelona strip, Las Ramblas.
Yeah. This $h!t writes itself.
Anyway, I find the this DC/National Harbor elitism quite interesting. You have the same sort of inter-neighborhood elitism going on in DC. Everybody ranks on Georgetown for being elitist, but plenty of hipsters in edgier neighborhoods rank on more upscale condo 'hoods like Gallery Place for being Toon Town-ey, full of chain restaurants and tourists. How's that different from National Harbor? I mean, apart from lacking mass transit access and fewer loiterers, it's pretty much the same deal.
I invite Martin to spend a quiet evening at National Harbor. Take in the sites and have a nice $16 plate of fried rice at Grace's Mandarin. You will certainly feel pampered, by which I mean "in need of a diaper."
Meh, I work in Gallery Place and would prefer that 10x over National Harbor. First, I live in Logan so there's the selfishness/short commute aspect for me. But a hood like GP has legitimate places of interest within it (and no I'm not referring to Lucky Strike) and is within close proximity to other hoods and places like the Mall and the White House.
It's really National Harbor's remoteness that I couldn't stand. It's not close to anything.
But I think that's what attracts National Harbor's residents in the first place. It's relatively close to urban destinations (relative to, say, the Eastern F**king Shore) yet isolated enough so's not to have the urban negatives. The latter can be easily remedied by re-using the Connector bus to shuttle pee-stained hobos and lunatics to panhandle in front of The Awakening. This income would then be taxed and used to pay for the Mayor's dwindling dome wax supply. Since the embargo on Libyan dome wax and the ban on Japanese whaling, quality dome wax is hard to come by.
Stonehenge and Los Ramblas on one street? Jesus, was the community designed by the Design Toscano catalogue or what?
it sounds like vegas. "why go see all these monuments and historical sites when you can see the 7/8 rip-off right here, in the shadow of the hard rock cafe?"
If you find a better place to get some paella and take in a fertility rite let me know.
when did the default icon for people revert from the baby panda to a silhouette?
At least it's good for the Labradoodle's sake that there's no Whole Foods nearby.
...starting a training program for Metro workers to better identify people that are suicidal.
Seems to me they already have a training program for sucides, no?
"training program for Metro workers" = oxymoron of the day
yeh, the first mofukkin' Metro employee to "counsel" me as a potential jumper because I've had a rough day and may not be vomiting rainbows everywhere will get a colon fulla mace. With a steel-toe chaser.
I just refuse to believe there's much a transit agency can do to prevent people from jumping in front of trains. By the time they're in the station, it's already too late. Know how to identify those considering suicide? THEY'RE ON THE F**KING TRACKS. Having the subway system try and prevent suicides is like having gun companies build suicide-proof pistols or rope companies provide instructions on how to prevent hobo stranglings
If fundamentalist christianity, Holocaust revisionism, DC crime, and deconstructionism has taught me anything, it's that you don't need outdated concepts like "logic" or "sense" to get through in life. All you need is faith, a wheelchair, a shotgun, and a "lot" of "quotes." Here's a list of other so-called "historical events" that I refuse to believe ever happened:
1. "Slavery." Have you ever seen a slave? Owned one? Sure, you've seen DRAWINGS of them, and there was Uncle Tom's Cabin and that whole Civil War thing. But that wasn't about slavery. All those Africans were invited over. Just like the Nazis were invited into Poland. Check with France.
2. "The Great Depression." Another misnomer, this was nothing but the result of Dumb-o-crat Woodrow Wilson's attempt at domestic communism. Could have been entirely avoided by the aggressive capitalist agenda of such mental giants as Warren Harding and Calvin Coolidge if only they held out a few more decades. Instead, you get 12 consecutive terms of socialist pervert, FDR.
3. "The Moon Landing." This was obviously faked using puppets and stew meat.
4. "The JFK Assassination." He died in a downhill motor race.
5. "1976."Does anyone remember anything about a so-called "Bicentennial?" I sure as hell don't. I vaguely recall something about an American Freedom Train and some Tall Ships, but most of the screens in the Union Station Visitor's Pit were broken, so that might have just been an episode of Supertrain. And you want me to believe that "Disco Duck," "Afternoon Delight," and "The Theme from S.W.A.T." were Number One Hit Singles? And they say I have a limited grasp of reality.
Once, I gave a girl The Moon Landing. At the time, she said she liked it, but she never spoke to me again. :(
Striiiiiiiiiiibs! You are the man!
Why do they report all the suicides? I thought it was generally thought that that only encourages more.
as i said in another thread, thats what they do at the Golden Gate Bridge. But how would metro explain the delays and closures that occur?
Easy: "sick passenger."
Wow. You are right. They should just say "medical emergency" or something and the Post should just not write about it.
It's all well and good to make fun of the foolish honkeys who blow $3 mil on a National Harbor condo, but at least they're trying to live closer to where they work. They're not these long-haul lunatics who commute from Front Royal and Cumberland. I mean, $h!t, dude's riding a bike to get groceries! You have people out here in VA who have to ride their Segway to take a dump because it'll take too long to waddle to the other side of the mcmansion, and half the time, their Depends explode by the time they get to the rumpus room. But that's why we have maids who don't speak English.
Besides being killed by a metro bus/train, I'm pretty sure the last way I want to die is to bleed out from a samurai sword wound. Criminals beware, you never know who's going to mess your day up...Good for the kid, I hope the cops pat him on the back.
Mr. Rice's sister, Peggy Rice, told WJZ-TV in Baltimore on Wednesday that her brother did not deserve to die and that the student should be charged.
The cops were making a big deal about the fact that there were no signs of forced entry and the kids XBox wasn't discovered in Rice's posession. It doesn't seem to make much difference, in that Rice was still stealing stuff from the kid's shed when the kid found him and Mr. Rice had a rap sheet a mile long. Twenty-nine convictions, and he'd just gotten out of jail 72 hours before he got killed with the sword. Nobody deserves to get stabbed to death, but if you're not interested in pursuing that option, you should probably consider a different career track.
Amen.
perfectly said.
Leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now.
Indeed...that's no way for a man to die. A parachute not opening--now, that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine. Having your nuts bit off by a Laplander...that's how I wanna go.
Quick and pointless. That's the death for me.
Remember that scene in Blade Runner when Daryl Hannah tries to kill Harrison Ford with her thighs? That's how I want to go. But with an 80s Daryl Hannah.
Thank you for the early post and for not austermuhling us first thing in the morning with anything about DC gun laws or voting representation in Congress. (Not counting This day in DCist.) Good job!
Don't worry, I'll save that for the last post you read before you go home for the weekend. That way, you'll have been Austermuhled and have to wait until at least Monday to get your revenge...
Why till the end? I'll be on my 4th PBR at the Tune Inn by then and unable to comment.
newhce: sounds like the start of a commentariat party to me.
For those new to DCist:
austermuhling - \aw-stir-myoo-ling\ (verb): to declare that no change in voting rights or gun rights is somehow news. ("I austermuhled my way to an A+ by writing an essay about Generalissimo Francisco Franco's desperate battle to remain dead.") (see: grahamstanding)
A+
I thought it was "To use tortured logic to support a factually unsupported position" as in "Yeah, I was going to use a condom, but figured I'd never be in Haiti again, so I just austermuhled the situation."
Actually, the other acceptable definition would be "To use selective rationalizations to justify a predetermined conclusion." As in "She told me she was 18, on the pill, and didn't have the clap, and I hadn't had any for weeks, so I thought, 'Austermuhl it.'"
Wow, I just discovered this definition on WebMD.
Austermuhle: A temporary shut down of the logic receptors located in the frontal lobe of the brain. Early symptoms are an increased frequency in illogical statements, often accompanied by an irrational fear of inanimate objects (not to be confused with Newhcitis, which is an irrational fixation on inanimate objects). Left untreated, the patient usually loses the ability to think critically and enters a state of withdrawal.
"I tried to explain to my 3 yr old why he couldn't have ice cream for breakfast, but he just put his fingers in his ears and austermuhled."
Sorry I missed this before I summarized, but perhaps it's for the best, given that the pathology is not given on WebMD. Cell structure, viral form, mutant strains, whatever.
Fine. But austermuhling in forms other than the surname is never capitalized unless it begins a sentence. Check monkey's style book.
C'mon now...if the verb stems from my last name, I should at least be able to capitalize it.
Once a formal brand name has entered the common parlance, it's lowercased. Xerox, Aspirin, and even Heroin were brand names at one point, but are now commonly available on the streets of DC in generic form. Just like Martin's punditry. And we've had how many years of austermuhling to deal with?
And, this weekend, when you're blowing your shofar, give it an extra toot for DC voting rights?
nah, we can take it out on aaron and kriston all weekend long, and they won't know why they're getting ragged on...
Just Kriston. Aaron is for the most part very well behaved.
yeah, but sometimes aaron just needs the ribbing to keep him on his toes! :)
Metro's suicide prevention ad: We understand in times of financial hardship that you have a choice on which rail line you plan to commit suicide. We ask that you please kill yourself on the Marc lines as we have enough shit going on. Thanks for not intentionally dying w/Metro.
So, no kudos to Metro for increased efficiency?
Wow, 30 comments before Sommer has even rolled out of bed.
Why I hate National Harbor:
(1) The bald eagles were rudely evicted from Smoot's Cove.
(2) It's a great big eyesore - much like the Indian reservation casinos that pop up in the middle of nowhere.
(3) The Awakening never should have left Hains Point.
(4) PG County still sucks.
(5) I'm in a crappy mood this morning and need to take it out on something!
Wow, I cannot think of any childish, innuendo-laden response to that.
Well, someone got their visit from "Aunt Flo" today!
Go take a long walk on a short pier, monkey.
Get back on the Odyssey, Liz. You just lost your buffet priveleges.
"Get to the back of the boat, Liz" Monkey said sternly.
If it makes you feel better, Liz, Monkey has sworn he will never set foot on National Harbor soil. Even the kitsch value of a visit (just to poke fun at it, y'know?) or the Monklets' collective curiousity about "the City across the River" will not make him budge.
He may be an irritant, but he shares your hatred.
Why did I read this as: "He may be an infant, but he shares your hatred."
Baby-hater :P
That's what we call a "freudian slurp." Happens to me all the time, particularly with people who mutter racist epithets under the breath. I usually respond by screaming, "Twhat? Twhat? I c*nt hear you! I have an ear infucktion!"
Also, the term is "paraphilic infantilism" commonly known as being an "adult baby" or "a-bies" and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Some of our greatest Presidents were a-bies. John Quincy Adams wore swaddling clothes well into his 70s, and Abraham Lincoln was known to parade around the White House with a bonnet, a rattle, and no pants. Why do you think Mary Todd Lincoln went insane?
Speaking of man babies...
http://www.manofest.com/Galleries/Funny/25-Frightening-Man-Babies/man_babies-6332.html#joomimg
There are some ads on there that aren't completely SFW.
Vagaries in tightly tracked Arial type while viewing on a multi-res monitor under fluorescent lighting?
Dyslexia not is funny!
Slysdexia Kusses
OK. Summing this up for posterity, and perhaps a Wiki:
poor martin, this just isn't what he signed up for when he got pulled into the gothamist orbit...
Agreed. He has unfortunately become the focal point for my no vote/no guns frustration since EHN never returns my emails and WaPo never prints my Letters to the Editor. I'll lay off for a while.
And of course, the restraining order the Phil Mendelson took out against me. But that is another story.
Can I add one more?
Austermuhlism: A philosophical school that values ideological purity above achieving ones objectives. Famous Austermuhlites include Joan of Arc and Ralph Nader.
That definition is worse than Hitler.
I consider all these comments a way to build up good karma for the after-life. Anyone who has to put up with this on a Friday morning deserves a nice spot in heaven.
Don't sweat it until they give you an Encyclopedia Drammatica entry, Martin. Or (heaven forbid) Urban Dictionary.
Good job finding another angle on it. We have the definition, a medical malady and a school of philosophy. Perhaps we could find a noun or an object next. Add away!
There's a fundamental challenge here. We get an early post, so we're happy to play. But then we have to wait more than two hours for some news. In the nation's capital, fer chrissake. No wonder more DCist readers read Gothamist!
ding, ding, ding. At least someone gets it.
And the next 3 posts will be about lectures, restaurants, and movies I will never go to.
I've been to National Harbor. Sure, it was sortof fake-y. But no more so than the trendy 'urban loft' condos that we pride ourselves on here in the ubercool District.
I can see how living in a complex like that would be attractive to some. It is waterfront, you got a lot of amenities an elevator-ride away, it is private property so the 'urban fabric' of bums pissing on you as you walk by is pretty much nonexistent.
As for them getting The Awakening and us now being retroactively shocked and hurt .... they bought it. It was available for sale for some time, and no one else was interested. If it was really such a DC treasure perhaps someone would have ponied up the $80,000 and bought it.
Derek Trucks played there this summer, so the place can't be 100% bad.
Finally a way around the restrictive DC handgun laws. There is no provision in DC law prohibiting you from carrying a concealed samurai sword or keeping a loaded one in your house. Muggers/burglars who read this blog beware, yuppies are going to bushido on your ass.
Finally a way around the restrictive DC handgun laws. There is no provision in DC law prohibiting you from carrying a concealed samurai sword or keeping a loaded one in your house. Muggers/burglars who read this blog beware, yuppies are going to go bushido on your ass.
Perhaps we could find a noun or an object next. Add away!
austermuhl - \aw-stir-myool\ (noun): a crossbreed of the wild Przewalski's Horse with an onager. Similar to a mule, which is a crossbreed of the domestic horse with a donkey. As the crossing of two equines that are rarely domesticated due to their temperament, the austermuhl has more strength and endurance than the mule, but lacks the mule's easy willingness to accept voting disenfranchisement. (From the German osten (east) and muhl (mule))
A+ to C- !
You know, I know someone who lives in National Harbor and while I wouldn't choose to do it myself (I don't like high rise buildings and national chains, which is also why I don't live in Gallery Place or anywhere along Connecticut or Wisconsin Aves) but dude. It's a really good option for people looking for that kind of life but who carry a little less cash than those in NW.
It's the type of place where you can walk to (almost) everything you want, a grocery store IS opening in the near future (Harris Teeter I believe), Old Town is a walk/bike ride/water taxi/drive across the river and oh, guess what? NOT EVERYONE WORKS IN DC! Wake up, people, there is life outside your 10x10 box! The person I'm talking about works at a trade association in Old Town (you do know that there's hundreds of them down there, right), and many of her neighbors work at the Patent and Trademark Office, which is also in Old Town. There are several military installations within a short commuting distance, as well as government agencies' "overflow" locations in the exurbs. Even if they did all live in DC, it's better that they're taking a short drive (or bike ride) to Metro rather than driving in from god-knows-where.
Not everyone wants to (or CAN) live like you do, and most people try to do the best they can with what they have to meet their needs. So play nice.
is alexandria really considered part of the suburbs? it was its own city before DC existed. shouldn't DC technically be considered the suburbs of alexandria?
briffy, you made my day :)
Yes, I think that Alexandria (Old Town, Del Ray and vicinity at least) is pretty much not "the suburbs", but rather its own city that butts up right against a larger one. And I've long said (mostly jokingly) that really, DC is a suburb of Alexandria (people don't tend to like that). The truth of the matter is that there was going to be a metropolis on the banks of the Potomac with or without the federal government. It's too good of a waterway, and the existing Georgetown and Alexandria were bound to expand and eventually meet and make a city.
Anyway. Yes. When I mentioned the exurbs, though, I was talking about places like the Library of Congress's National Audio-Visual Conservation Center in Culpepper, VA. Many government agencies have "overflow" buildings or entire sections in buildings far outside of DC.
Good point. Though I have never been, I imagine it is much better designed than, say, a fairfax culs-du-sac infested planned mcmansion suburb. At least here, supposedly, you can walk places, buildings are tall, and a sense of community is supposedly going to be developed.
However, having said that, the place really should have built with the stipulation for rail or other sustainable and affordable transit. Not to mention, the developer kinda seems like a jerk.
Yeah, transit certainly is an issue, but that involves working with Metro and Amtrak and such. I don't know for sure, but I'd bet there's buses, and I know that there's the "dream scenario" of having some metro line loop around to connect Branch Ave to King Street, with a stop at National Harbor.
And, though it doesn't make you any less correct, I'm under the impression that all real estate developers are jerks :)
I meant "even if they did all work in DC" ::doh::
sense of community is supposedly going to be developed.
Like, unless the financing falls through or something?
Metro should capitalize on this suicide trend by taking out outrageous life insurance policies on all it's riders. One bumps himself off, they're funded for the next year.