Ballou HS Rocks the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Suspect in 9-Year-Old's Murder Found Dead in D.C. Jail
Morning Roundup: Black Friday Edition
Good morning, Washington. Yesterday President Obama headed to Wakefield High in Arlington to address the nation's schoolchildren. In a cunning last-minute switch he refrained from urging them to overthrow the landed bourgeoisie through violent revolution, and instead delivered a surprisingly banal message about the merits of education. You win this one, Mr. President. But don't think that we aren't on to Secretary Napolitano's plan to construct a Marxist fifth column of deadly female assassins. Tonight the president will address the country in a speech about healthcare reform, but it seems unlikely that anyone will get upset over that.
Kaine Announces Cuts: The Examiner reports on Gov. Tim Kaine's plan to close Virginia's remaining $1.35 billion budget shortfall. It looks like higher education is being hit the hardest, though state government employees will also be dealing with almost 600 laid-off positions, 336 unfilled positions and a furlough day. Two state prisons and a juvenile facility will also be closed.
Swine Flu Infection Numbers Climb at UMD: The outbreak of the H1N1 virus in College Park continues to get worse. WJLA reports that there are now 172 suspected cases at Maryland, and the number is likely to continue to rise. University health officials say that everything's well in hand, but it sounds like it may be a somewhat weird semester for students — for one thing, the clinic has started to hand hand out flu kits that include surgical masks.
Briefly Noted: Urban chicken enthusiasts busted by the city, vow to get law changed... McDonnell draws fire for 2003 remarks that questioned whether homosexuality could disqualify a judge... Baltimore pushes ahead with slots; Anne Arundel County slows things down... Woman found shot to death in Silver Spring... Jack Evans says that if the White House gets its farmer's market, E Street ought to be reopened... Water taxi service to Nats games begins...
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The fact that people are willing to pay $20 for a water taxi ticket, on top of $5-10 for parking, AND take a 40 minute boat ride to get to the stadium says volumes about the lengths to which people are willing to go to avoid Metro, driving on local roads, AND going anywhere near Southeast DC.
I love the idea of a water taxi, but $20 is too much.
Agreed. Economies of scale dictate that there should be competition, which would drive the prices down. Hopefully, a big player like Boltbus would get in on the game, provide wi-fi, as well as large vessels. Say, something along the lines of a garbage scow or oil tanker. Passengers are lifted in by crane and dumped in the hold en mass. The vessel and it's cargo of writhing screaming suburban Nats fans is then sunk in the middle of the Potomac. Problem solved.
Now, what was this about a taxi?
To be fair, the gentleman in the article also makes a good point when he mentions that the water taxi is a great way to briefly distract yourself from the fact that you're about to go watch the Nationals play. Intentional drownings have got to be a concern, though.
Tommy "Tommy" Wells seems like the Fredo of the Council. I can just hear Gray, "Phil, you fight crime. Mary, keep the Mayor's feet to the fire on scandals. Tommy, you get a bag tax and watch the chickens."
"Urban chicken enthusiast" is such a fantastic sobriquet, it begs to be woven into casual conversation.
"A little bird told me that a certain unrepentant crackhead and urban chicken enthusiast wants more funding for the summer jobs program. That little bird? Why yes, it was a chicken."
Keep the Chicken law! You all know what is going to happen, first its chickens then its bears and before you know it, everyone will have whales in their backyard for free blubber. Slippery slope people…slippery slope.
It's the bee keepers that really piss me off. You live in a city!!!
Suppose you actually do raise chickens in your backyard. What's keeping the rats in DC from eating all the chickens? That's right. We import snakes to eat the rats. And what happens when the town is overrun with snakes? One word: gorillas. That's the beauty of the plan: when the winter comes, all the gorillas freeze to death.
I'm trying to raise Morlocks in my backyard and breed them with poodles. I'm hoping the ensuing mutant freaks won't be eaten by Tommy Wells.
I've found the thing that works is to dip the mutants in buttermilk. Tommy Wells is lactose intolerant. Just make sure you have lots of paper towels handy in case he breaks in for a late night snack.
Jeez, I go away for a few days and it's like I come back to Crazyville! The dcist logo's different, the AA girl's different, and I'm now a Communist because I got a college degree. At least the Nats are bad again...
yes, they've really rebranded themselves. it's a kinder, gentler site where people can leave snarky comments about guns, hookers, and Jim Graham. can you feel it baby? i can too.
Speaking of which, there have been conflicting reports that either Jim Graham was caught with a dead hooker OR that he took a shot at a zombie hooker with an unregistered firearm. Can anyone clarify?
Incredible Marky Mark reference...I'd classify that as a win.
Stripes!
Do they make my ass look big??
Get back in the striped leotard, Liz. Mrowr!
What kind of crazy tells Liz to put clothes back ON? Get back in the straightjacket, you.
Not big so much. More like an inmate...a sexy inmate...at the prison for the erotic rehabilitation of wayward adolescents. At least, that's how it looks in the ad.
Ah, Jack Evans. Proof that a Republican can win a ward-level election in DC.
The lights at RFK have always looked like an afterthought to me, like they overlooked the fact that ballgames would be played there at night.
Shots fired on 800 block of Sheperd Street NW last night. The ANC 4C meeting going on next door was completely unfazed by 12 rounds fired indiscriminately in their direction. Meeting continued without missing a beat, only now everyone was crouching below the window line. If there is anything 'more DC' than a gay couple debating street signage proposals with little old African American ladies over the din of gunshots, I have yet to find it.
The ANC members had it right. You shouldn't worry too much. It was almost certainly Jim Graham warding off zombie hookers with an unregistered firearm. Happens every Tuesday night. You can practically set your watch by it. I tell you, if there's a guy who's seen "Nekromantic" one-too-many times, it's the Ward 1 Councilmember. Alright, Jim. We get it. The zombie hookers want to suck your delicious brains through your Sally Jessie Raphael glasses. Can we please go back to crucifying Jumbo Slice and devil-incarnate suburban drivers? Let us not assassinate these zombie lads further, Senator. You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?
damn right about reopening E street though. in a perfect world, i'd reopen PA ave as well, but that'll never happen. E street is far enough away from anything that keeping it closed makes no sense. it was just a secret service overreach...
Hello Edith, How is Nigeria this time of year?
In Soviet Russia, article reads you!
...or weight loses you!
...or site spams you!
I take it back. Edith seems to be from Cyprus.
Dammit, they're a little too fastidious about deleting spam...this comment reply stream could have gone on all day :(
Mmmmm, gorilla-pops.
Actually, I had a couple chickens growing up, and it wasn't rats that killed them. It was a pack of either foxes or raccoons. I've seen both animals in the District.
And you know what eats foxes and raccoons?
That's right: Tommy Wells.
The circle is complete.
I guess that's why foxes and raccoons taste like chicken. I'd imagine that's what Tommy Wells tastes like as well. Any chance we can put Marion Barry on a baby diet and just have him eat fellow councilmembers? A double order of mambo sauce is a small price to pay to get rid of two chickens with one deep fryer or something.
If I'm elected Mayor, I promise two council members in every pot, free mambo sauce for all, and half smokes for the homeless children. It's all about the children.
My worthy opponent says he "stands for childen" but does he really? Only I consistently stand ON children, usually their throats, until they expire in a writhing mass on the floor, their windpipes crushed. And where does my worthy opponent stand on the "hobo problem?" My hobo stance has been clear since Day One: directly behind and with a silk necktie around their throats until they expire in a writhing mass on the floor, their windpipes crushed. And then I have pudding.
Ah yes, the "hobo problem." I prefer the old-school approach to this issue, which means letting them climb on board the freight trains and think they're riding the rails to the land of milk and honey (aka, Topeka, KS). We then let loose with the flamethrowing trebuchets, and voila, hobo barbecue. And, as we all know, smoky hobo BBQ > pudding.
Ain't that the truth. In Topeka, the pruno is plentiful and delicious, and the hobo tax is low. There are several abandoned warehouses within stumbling distance of the trainyards. And the abundant boxcar traffic makes it easy to commute to Lawrence for panhandling.
"...Kaine's plan to close Virginia's remaining $1.35 billion budget shortfall...""...Two state prisons and a juvenile facility will also be closed..."
Hey we have the death penalty in Virginia. Execute all prisoners currently in Virginia prisons...budget and incarceration problems solved!
The death penalty is far too expensive to be worth it. States spend hundreds of thousands to prosecute death penalty cases that go into endless appeals. Taxpayers get stuck with the bills which are often more than the healthcare for geriatric prisoners serving life sentences. It's actually more cost effective to just leave them in prison or, god forbid, decriminalize nonviolent drug offenses. Of course, you could just give all the prisoners free Nats tickets, dump them into garbage scows or oil tankers, and if they just so happen to sink in the middle of the Potomac, well, you can't make an omlette...