Morning Roundup: Paycheck to Paycheck Edition

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Photo by Marcellina.
Good morning, Washington. We're glad to see most of you weren't physically carried away by yesterday's high winds, which at a minimum caused a number of power outages throughout the metro area. By early this morning, though, those winds had all but vanished, leaving us to determine which way the wind is blowing ... solely by scanning the day's headlines!

Hawk One Security Guards Missing Paychecks: Former employees of the now defunct Hawk One security company, which up until last week provided security guards for D.C. Public Schools, say their most recent paychecks have bounced and they are still owed more money on top of that. D.C. Wire speaks to one former guard who, like so many of us these days, is living paycheck to paycheck and can't afford to be missing two weeks worth of her salary. The guards are asking the D.C. Council for help since the city still has to pay Hawk One before Hawk One can pay its employees, but AG Peter Nickles seems to think nothing can be done until a judge sorts out all the complicated legal issues at hand, as News Channel 8 reports.

In the Past Year, Eight Metrobus Drivers Failed Drug & Alcohol Tests After Crashes: In the wake of two recent Metrobus v. pedestrian collisions, the Examiner's Kytja Weir looks at WMATA's crash records and finds that eight drivers in the last year failed their routine drug and alcohol tests after accidents. Weir writes that "it is not clear what happened to the drivers who flunked the tests," but notes in a separate story that official WMATA policy on drug and alcohol use is actually less strict than its revised cell phone use policy. Metro now employs a zero-tolerance policy on cell phone use while operating a vehicle, but alcohol or drug violations "do not automatically translate to firing."

Briefly Noted: Eleven Ballou High School students arrested in gang feud ... Judge rules Fenty Administration must allow D.C.'s auditor full access to development records ... District suspends referrals to non-profit Individual Development Inc.'s group homes ... Reston man charged in Herndon rape case.

This Day in DCist: Last year we chatted with Tyler Cowen about his Ethnic Dining Guide, and the year before that we said goodbye to WAMU's Red Shipley.

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So Peter Nickles has emerged from his Chinatown fire extinguisher cul de sac yet again to cover his boss's butt. This time, it's because auditors want to know what happened to the millions the defunct Anacostia Waterfront Corporation and the National Capital Revitalization Corporation spent on lavish fundraisers, Thai trannies, and urine guzzling party supplies. And yet all parties concerned continue to stonewall questions regarding the Jack Off Enthusiasts Club slaying, going so far as to deny they ever provided snacks. It remains to be seen whether a "smoking Rap Snacks bag" can definitively tie the administration the JOEC slayings, suffice to say with as little a web as this will I ensnare as great a fly as Nickles.

I'm beginning to think you have a Thai fetish...Hillman may not like the competition.

The fine distinction between "fetish" and "connoiseur" involves how much cilantro you're willing to stuff down your shorts. Can't stand the stuff myself. It makes my crotch taste like soap. Just ask Peter Nickles.

But if you add onions, you have a nice baja shrimp taco...

I prefer my "taco" to have a little more "tuna" in it if you "get" my "drift" in "quotes."

I have been known to Thai one on.

What?

The last Thaim I Thaied one on, I had to Thai my pecker to my leg.

Your pecker, restrained or not, is the last mental image I wanted to summon this fine fall morn.

Oh, c'mon! Enjoy the weather! It's the season of mists and mellow pecker tieing, preferrable in some sort of steel chastity cock cage. If unavailable, a Laura Ashley print junk harness would suffice in a pinch. And it will pinch, I can assure you.

Eh, steel's overrated, especially if you have to go through a metal detector. Now acrylic on the other hand...

One thing I always look forward to when I have a busy morning is to check out the first DCist posts and see what dark disturbed alleys the morning commenters have traveled. Today is exceptionally hilarious and wrong - so thank you.

I detect a bit of tongue in cheek in the first paragraph there, missah!

At WMATA, alcohol or drug violations "do not automatically translate to firing" as long as you share.

I have some former colleagues that work in the same building as the HQ for Hawk One Security. Apparently yesterday irate security guards were storming the office in search of their paychecks - the other offices in the building had to lock their doors.

Seriously gothamist, drop whatever Facebook code you've buried in your ist empire. It is a serious effing drag on how fast your page loads from any network that blocks facebook. It makes using Firefox impossible since it gets completely hung up waiting for whatever the hell ak.static.facebook.com is.

Heh, good luck with that request. Any complaints about the site's many technical shortcomings seem to fall on deaf ears. It would seem that the DCist crew is powerless to make repairs, and their bosses at Gothamist really just don't give a shit.

Using Firefox is actually a good thing. If you can, load the NoScript add-on. Next time you visit this site, allow the absolute minimum number of scripts you need to log in (hint: most important scripts are at the bottom of the list & have names you will recognize). If you don't allow the Facebook script, you won't have to wait for it to run. As an added benefit, you will not see skanky AA ads either.

This is OT, but monkey did you watch South Park last night? The new product introduced on it, Chipoltaway, make me think about your Taco Bell and Ben's posts.

South Park started going downhill after they killed Kenny.

That's ignorant! I'm alive, I just have a skin condition!

Not everyone can be The Boy With the Golden Butthole!

..Eight Metrobus Drivers Failed Drug & Alcohol Tests After Crashes..

Look, we all know standardized tests are culturally biased. And how do you expect someone to pass a test in the aftermath of a crash? C'mon WMATA, figure out a system that works.

More hullabaloo at Ballou? Of course I've always considered myself a leader in this area as I was one of the first to speak out against horseplay.

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