The Manhattan Project
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Fire at 17th and L NW Forces Evacuations
Compromise Uncertain on Same-Sex Marriage Law
Sculpture Garden Ice-Skating Rink Remains Closed
Peter Nickles
For her part, Cheh seems to be taking it in stride, joking with the Post that she also likes chocolate. But just for a minute, imagine this scenario playing out with a male Council member. Nickles would never have bought Tommy Wells flowers. In fact, I'm willing to bet he never would have lashed out with these kinds of personal attacks in the first place if Cheh were a man.
It's good that Nickles apologized. That's what he should have done. But maybe he could have thought of a way to say he was sorry to Cheh that wasn't so gender-specific?
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Hey, flowers always work when I call my woman "stupid" and "angry." They're stupid like that.
Politics in this town is nothing but sound and fury signifying nothing. All has turned to vain ambition. A thousand years this city has stood and now at the whim of a madman it will fall. The old wisdom born out of the west was forsaken. Kings made tombs more splendid than the houses of the living and counted the old names of their descent dearer than the names of their sons. Childless hipsters sat in aged group houses musing on charcuterie or in high, cold condos asking questions of the stars like "what does 'halfsmoke' mean?" And so the people of DC fell into ruin. The line of Mayors failed. The White Castle and the Little Tavern withered. The rule of DC was given over to lesser men.
And soon you will all beg for a merciful death after Peter "The Mouth of Sauron" Nickles starts a suspicious fire at the Reichstag, declares martial law, Senator Jar-jar grants the Mayor emergency powers over the Galactic Senate, and he climbs onto the podium with "The Rainbow Connection" playing in the background and delivers the most important speech of his career:
The revolution is successful, but survival depends upon drastic measures. Your continued existence is a threat to the order we have restored. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. I, therefore, have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV.
Anyway, don't blame me. I voted for Kang.
There is so much sci-fi goodness going on here...you must have spent some quality time in the basement of the science building as a kid.
Really? This warrants a post?
What, damned if you do, damned if you don't, Sommer? Making reparations by giving a vacuum cleaner, yes, would be cause to raise yon eyebrow, but flowers? One of the most universal gifts for women, period? I guess Cheh's response that she likes chocolate must also play into this, then, cause we all know women like to curl up at home with a mudmask on and each chocolate while watching their "soaps."
Nickles made an ass out of himself, and now actually has the balls to make a gesture of apology. I actually salute him for that.
Unfortunately, the card read "Mary, I apologize. I didn't realize it was that time of the month. Best, Pete"
Hear, hear, DPR. I'd be willing to bet that Sommer will soon be pushing for women to vote or drive or go to school. What hath progress wrought?
Just kidding, Sommer, you know you're a peach. Now, how about that sandwich you were gonna make for me? Not too much mayo this time, or you'll have another black eye to explain to the girls in the sewing circle.
What? Jeez, I keed!!! Sheesh, so touchy people!
Oh, man. That's gonna cost you flowers, chocolates, and a Caswell Massey gift box of assorted lotions, bath salts, and aromatherapy candles. You f**ked up, yo.
Dammit, I crossed the line again. Curse you, White Out fumes! You win again!!!
You're right Sommer, he should have totally apologized with a neck tie. Geez. Flowers are nice.
Clearly, I'm no fan of Nickles, but in this case I'm willing to cut him some slack. Dude's older than Methuselah's pecker. This is what old people do. Send flowers to ladies they've wronged. They hold doors open for women and offer their seats to standing women and eschew bathing in lieu of a double-dose of Hai Karate, Old Spice, and Lectric Shave. They also hold up the goddamned grocery line buying single sticks of butter with pennies while they stink up the place with Ben Gay and failure. But I'm not holding that against him.
Besides, he coulda done a lot worse, like sending her a scented candle shaped like a warm dry crotch with an engraved note attached saying, "Come On Baby Light My Fire."
This crotch warming meme is just as much fun as the public lashing these two pole haters are getting over on Prince of Petworth.
To "stink up the place with Ben Gay and failure" is my new favorite phrase. Personally, I'd have preferred he go the Zell Miller route and challenge her to a DUEL.
I meant EAT bon-bons! DER!
Nickels is a terrible flirt.
I would have settled for an invitation to one of Nickles infamous "lemon parties."
Um, the proper way to apologize to someone of either gender is to say "I'm sorry." Sommer's correct, a male councilmember would not have gotten flowers. Yes, flowers are nice, but a polite verbal apology would be more appropriate on multiple levels.
Cause flowers are improper? I'm reporting you to the 1-800-FLOWERS guy - his assassins will be visiting you shortly.
Will someone please rush a gift basket of poisons to the two of them, STAT?
Even more stunningly provincial than usual.
Dear Peter, Eat Me. Much love, Liz
Not until you warm your crotch up.
Careful what you ask for!
Indeed. The last time he tried that, he exhaled abruptly and the poor lady went jetting around the room like a balloon. Of course, that was before he became...a bachelor!
Isn't Mary Cheh married? Her husband should kick Nickle's ass for moving in on his territory.
Sommer, thanks for posting this. You are right. Not only were his original remarks sexist, but the gift of flowers is as well.
Unfortunately, as soon as you posted it I suspected it would inspire a string of misogynist comments. And DCist readers have delivered.
It's all fun and games. Until it's not.
Not only were his original remarks sexist, but the gift of flowers is as well.
Well, maybe Phil and Jim and Marion wouldn't act like they had a warm dry crotch candle up their ass if people would show them a little more sensitivity. They don't like to admit it, but men like getting flowers, too. It makes them feel loved and needed. And how about suprising us with a pasta salad, or tieing a miniature beret to our wangs? You ladies need to make every day a celebration of your love. And would it kill you to greet us at the door wearing nothing but Saran Wrap, a hockey mask, and a copy of Ranger Rick?
A big old bag of weed would be a suitable apology to me.
Go back to your bong, hippy.
OK, I'll engage you. Let's define the issue first, though. We're talking about the apology only - I can see the sexist undertones in the "angry woman" comment.
Go for it - how is the act of giving flowers to a woman sexist?
Have you ever looked closely at a Georgia O'Keefe flower painting? I mean really closely? Because if you do, you'll notice that they smell like a warm dry crotch.
Ok, I'll bite. The answer is clearly listed in both Sommer's entry and in your question here. Giving her flowers is sexist because he sent her the flowers because she is a woman. He would not have sent flowers to a male colleague. He is showing himself as incapable of dealing with her on a basis not related to her gender. Now, it might not be very high on the list of things that would piss me off--seeing as how I agree that he was probably just trying to be nice and because he is old. But the idea that in order to appease a woman you have offended you should buy her stuff is a gender stereotype.
Of course, if buying people flowers is dude's SOP, that's a different story. His staff may have the flower shop on speed-dial for all I know.
TEH SEXIST ON TEH DCIST!
Your response that giving flowers is Nickle's SOP is my point precisely. Remember that we're looking for evidence of discrimination or furtherance of a negative stereotype. Yes, there are gifts that are predominantly given to women, such as flowers. And yes, there are gifts that are predominantly given to men, such as a bottle of Jack. But, in my opinion, the gift itself isn't sexist unless there's an intent for it to be sexist. While I acknowledge that there's a counterargument that sexism is in perception, such as the perception of the recipient, I think it is more appropriate to examine the intent of the giver, which isn't obvious here, rather than make a knee-jerk and unsubstantiated accusation that the gift must necessarily be sexist because it was given to a woman. If that logic were to be followed to its end, all gifts of flowers and all gifts of Jack would be sexist regardless of intent. And that's just silly.
Whether this is sexist or not isn't really the issue. I'm not sure there's a consensus definition of the term and none of the things listed above really work.
For instance, intent is largely irrelevant. First, it's unknowable. Second, acts undertaken with the best of intents may still be sexist. If Nickles had pinched her ass and said "Sorry bout what I said, sweetheart. No hard feelings?", that's sexist, even if he meant no offense.
Similarly, the disparate treatment standard doesn't work either. Again, even if Nickles pinches the asses of men and women alike when he's apologizing, that doesn't make pinching a woman's ass any less sexist
That said, it strikes me as certainly improper and probably sexist, though I'm not entirely sure why. Anyhow, DPR, I think you got it right below. He should've just apologized.
The good news is that this was Nickles rather than Barry, or else Cheh would've received a box of half-eaten infants and we'd be arguing about whether it was an offer of reconciliation or sign of further bat shit craziness.
The proper way for Nickles to apologize for a faux pas in the professional realm is by making a public statement, or by contacting Ms. Cheh in person.
I hope she returns the favor by sending the dinosaur a gift certificate to a dental spa.
Great minds think alike, I see!
Why doesn't he make it up to all of us by first getting some braces to fix up that grill (did you see his teeth on tv the other night?) and then leaving town and taking Fenty with him?
Damn, it's like you're in my brain or something!
I bet it wasn't Nickles who made the decision at all, but a staffer. Because if Nickles had decided to communicate via plants, he'd have sent Cheh one of those middle-finger-shaped cacti covered with spines.
What's that huge plant that blooms once a year and lets out a horrifying stench? Oh, yeah. Robert Plant. He should have sent Robert Plant to her. Now, lighten up, baby. I'm in love with you.
Professional realm anywhere = flowers are not an appropriate or acceptable apology. A public apology is the only appropriate response.
Now realistically, if he thinks he's getting away with anything less than three dozen roses of any color, he's got another thing coming. That pathetic display of weeds was more insulting that the insult he threw.
Good thing Nickles didn't send Waylon Flowers and Madame. Those puppets scare the $h!t outta me. Clowns, too. A clown came up to my dad once and squirted him with a flower. By the time the cops showed up, the clown had stopped breathing. True story.
Women have come to equate respect with the way men treat men. In the professional sphere, a man treating a woman like a man is respectful and correct. A man treating a woman like a woman is sexist. It doesn't make tons of sense, but Nickles should have known better.
Let me get this straight. If a colleague yells at me (me being female, just to clarify) and then calls me up to apologize BUT DOESN'T SEND ME A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS (ohnoes!), then he's "a man treating a woman like a man"?
I believe finnegan has a donkey dick.
I see nothing wrong with Nickles apologizing with flowers and a nicely composed card. Although I do agree that the bouquet could use a little more verve. He should consult my husband who selects really nice bright flower arrangements. I don't view it as sexist. It might be stereotypical but in all honesty it is not discriminatory.
BINGO! Thank you mama.
Call me a neanderthal, but I don't see the big deal about the original comment. He could have just easily said "He is an angry man" about someone else. It's a common figure of speech.
Less of a neanderthal than the people here who stubbornly, boneheadedly refuse to understand why it's patronizing/sexist to "apologize" to your female political rival with a bunch of daisies.
And I find myself kind of agreeing with you on the original comment. Not only what you said but also would note that he didn't actually call HER stupid. He said "for her to make comments like that, IT'S stupid." Isn't that fair game in politics? I assume Mary Cheh can take it.
I'll give you a similar shot - g'head, explain why.
-The Bonehead
It's not the act, it's the context. If I'm Mary Cheh, and it's my birthday, and my colleague in city government Peter Nickles wants to send my office some flowers or chocolate, why, how nice of him. I'll remember to send HIS office some cookies or a bottle of good whiskey when HIS birthday rolls around.
If I'm Mary Cheh and my colleague in city government Peter Nickles angrily puts me down in the press, he can feel free to call me up and politely explain/apologize if he or his staff deem it necessary. (Honestly, he doesn't even need to do that.)
When he instead opts for Choice A (flowers) he's got the context all wrong. It suggests she's some poor, vulnerable, wounded lady who he needs to appease by being "gentlemanly." She is not. She's an elected official of a large city. A politician who's probably heard worse from rivals before. And a grownup who can take it if she's criticized by a colleague, even angrily.
Hope that helps.
It does help, and I'll direct you to my former response to the other person - the gift in the context of whom? The recipient, the giver, or a third party?
1. The recipient - what did she think? This is nice? Or stop patronizing me, you bastard? Maybe a little bit of both - the chocolate remark could go either way. She seemed to appreciate it, but she also seemed to say 'seriously?' Don't know!
2. The giver - what was he trying to say? Sorry? Or sorry, you bitch? If the former, it's not sexist. If the latter, you have a point.
3. The third party - this would be directed at Sommer, the other commenter, and yourself. You immediately say "If I'm Mary Cheh." Well, you're not. Don't assume that the message connoted vulnerability and woundedness. While you're entitled to interpret the act, as is the right of anyone in teh comments, don't call me a bonehead for interpreting it differently. I see some guy who just wants to apologize. The only two people who can speak to it with any authority are #'s 1 and 2.
If he had apologized by saying "I'm sorry honey" and he honestly wasn't trying to be dick but was trying to be nice, would you also feel that way? Because sending a woman flowers in reaction to having pissed her off has the same symbology as saying "I'm sorry honey."
The "honey" would be objective proof of his intent, and I would agree with you. I see flowers as flowers, a nice gesture without any hidden meaning. Gotta have more...
Right. Actually, her quip about liking chocolate was a nice subtle comeback.
They are both grown ups.
and, like any good politician these days, you never, ever admit you were wrong.
that's why you haven't seen the heartfelt apology.
Well I think that's the heart of the matter, now isn't it? Nickles meant to apologize, but didn't have the spine to say it!
Heading to 60 comments, Holy Cow-- what a clusterf*!@ about a wholly manufactured slight. The guy apologized, and Cheh, in her typically gracious and disarming way, seems to have accepted it-- I don't think it was she who was objecting that it was "so gender-specific." And, btw, does anyone here know that he did not accompany his offensive gesture with a card, or a call, to Mrs. Cheh that may have offered some elaboration?
Ya know, seems to me that Pete's initial burst was pretty damn mano a mano-- straight up, called bullshit on her without mincing words because, rightly or wrongly, that's what he thought. Also too "gender-specific?"