The Halloween Morning Post

Photo by M.V. Jantzen

Happy Halloween, ye fellow denizens of Zombieton, D.C. I suppose that some of you are spending the precious daylight of All Hallow's Eve running around, paralyzed with the realization that your utter lack of costume ingenuity has finally come back to bite you. (Note: we hear the Columbia Heights Target is already out of white sheets, so there goes that idea.)

But perhaps you aren't being terrorized by the spectre of poor planning, lurking over you like a dense evening fog. No worries, there's plenty of terrifying material to spare in the news. City Paper's Tim Carman has some graphically intense footage of the production of veal. Congressional Quarterly reports on how to vote -- after you die. And there's always the bone-chilling reminder that the local paper of record is hiring its newest pundit by rummaging through its mailbag.

Still not scared? Fine, time for the big guns: here's a story about a collegiate couple who somehow managed to survive the ordeal of making love while a soundtrack of D.C.'s own Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser played in the background. After that mental image, can you honestly tell me your blood remains uncurdled?