United Crush Overmatched San Juan, 5-1
Okay, let's just get this out of the way up top: San Juan Jabloteh features a player named Elton John. It's kind of difficult to take that seriously, even for a sport where guys named Banana score goals and participants sport these kinds of hairstyles in a tournament watched by a billion people.
United's opponents last night at a sparsely attended CONCACAF Champions League match, though, were more tiny dancer than rocket man.
It was obvious – from both last night's match and the corresponding group fixture in Port-of-Spain – that United was and is just a better team than the Trinidadians. Jabloteh had still to earn a point in their first ever appearance in the CONCACAF Champions League -- and there's a good reason: they just aren't very good. Trinidad and Tobago, even for a nation who has qualified for the World Cup, features a top flight league even younger than MLS. And though Jabloteh have been crowned champions of the TT Pro League four times over its ten-year existence, the level of play is hardly top-notch.
Exhibit A: the aforementioned Elton John, who had about as much skill at right back as the more famous Elton has at, say, fronting a death metal band. Thirteen minutes in, Rodney Wallace was played into the box, unmarked by John; Wallace's cross should have easily been cleared by the defender or collected by keeper Cleon John. But instead, the ball found both Chris Pontius and Christian Gomez unmarked at the mouth of goal; Gomez was closest and eased a shot into the back of the net, unbothered.
"Having played them before, we knew what we were getting into and where we could break them down," said coach Tom Soehn postgame.
A rough half for the Jabloteh backline continued: Gomez almost was in for his second six minutes later, after what was a laughable attempt at an offside trap made Chris Pontius' through ball easy. But Fred picked up the slack on thirty minutes, beating John to his right side.
Now, don't confuse this with praise of United's play -- D.C. was hardly great out there. Passes flew wildly, chances above and beyond the clear-cut went lacking, and poor Rodney Wallace got the running of a lifetime on the left side of the field as the Red-and-Black's errant ball chaser and one consistent threat to push upfield. A better side certainly would have made it more of a game.
But still, it was three before half. Gomez again made Jabloteh pay for their incredibly sloppy marking, getting in behind on the left flank for at least the fifth time in the first half, juking a man, and crossing to Boyzzz Khumalo who was -- of course -- completely unmarked.
The second half was barely meaningful; Jabloteh looked like they'd rather be on a plane back to Trinidad, lazily slugging their way out of the tunnel on to the field. And while Jabloteh forced a couple of moderately good saves from United keeper Milos Kocic, United never looked like they'd concede. After all, there was still the gulf in class -- with a three-goal lead as the cherry on top.
D.C.'s fourth goal? A weak, left-footed shot by Gomez, right through the arms of John. Khumalo added another one too, just for good measure -- at this point, my mind began to wonder about teams I've ever seen play worse than San Juan. It's not a long list.
To wit: when asked if he could remember the last time he scored a goal with his left foot, Gomez smiled and said, "no, I can't remember."
With the victory, United now has nine points in the group -- enough for them to qualify for next spring's quarterfinal round if Marathon does not win against Toluca on Thursday night. It's one positive development in a season that still sits in limbo -- it is no exaggeration that Saturday's match against Chivas is D.C.'s most important match of the season.
Said Soehn, "our opponent won't be the same on Saturday. It's going to be a lot more difficult."