Pet Worth: This Month's Highly Adoptable Animals
New Whole Foods to Open Up Exactly Where it is Needed Least
Jack Evans Hops Aboard a SmartBike at Bike Lane Unveiling
The Weekly Feed: Experimentation Edition
Morning Roundup: Change Edition
Good morning, Washington. We hope those of you who had yesterday off had a pleasant holiday, despite the rain. It looks like today's weather won't be any better — though we're not sure if that's good (no ironically beautiful weather upon your reimprisonment at the office) or bad (rain is rain).
NTSB To Hold Hearing on Metro Crash: The Examiner is reporting that the NTSB isn't done holding Metro's feet to the fire. An email reveals that a hearing will be held about June's deadly crash during the week of February 22. Although not unusual, this isn't a standard exercise for a situation like the one faced by Metro. The Examiner quotes a former NTSB chairman as saying that such hearings are "an exercise in public accountability."
Rain Causes Kaine to Claim State of Emergency: It looks like we'll be getting another three to eight inches of rain by Friday morning, and that means that flooding is likely — in fact, standing water is already causing delays along the beltway and some other area roads. WTOP reports that Va. Governor Tim Kaine has declared a state of emergency in order to mobilize state agencies to deal with the situation. At least we're not alone: other eastern states are also having trouble dealing with the remnants of Tropical Storm Ida.
Briefly Noted: Washington archdiocese weighs in against gay marriage bill... Sandra Day O'Connor's husband dies after long struggle with Alzheimer's... Nonprofit accused of double-billing Montgomery County... Shooting, two-car crash at 44th and Meade in NE... D.C. getting some wheelchair-accessible taxis... One quarter of Montgomery County post-elementary students report not feeling safe at school... Gender-bending fish continue to draw fire from uptight press, "scientists"...
This Day In DCist: One year ago the Post cashed in on Obamania, and the recession laid waste to D.C.'s Ring Cycle aspirations.
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Go ahead and laugh at the gender-bending fish, but you'll be laughing out the other side of your favorite head when eight-foot Daddy CHUD Chinatown Tiresias comes to town, And when some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail!"
(And I Tiresias have foresuffered all, enacted on this same divan or bed; I who have sat by Thebes below the wall and walked among the lowest of the dead.) I have heard the gender-bending mermaids singing each to each. I do not think they will sing to me.
NTSB hearings of this nature are routine. Stop looking at this as if it's political (e.g., holding feet to the fire) - it's part of the investigation/reporting process.
And the papists' decision to blackmail the District into dropping same-sex marriage at the risk of losing the church's charitable services is so hypocritical as to be laughable. But maybe there's an upside to the extent they can use the savings to pay off molestation settlements?
Oh, brothers! We have all gathered here to preserve our hallowed culture and heritage from intrusion, inclusion, and dilution of color, of creed, and of our old-timey religion.
We aim to pull evil up by the root before it chokes out the flower of our culture and heritage. And our women! Let's not forget those ladies, y'all,looking to us for protection
from Darkie, from Jew, from Papey,and from all those smart-ass folks what say we come descended from monkeys. That's not my culture and heritage! Is it yours?
And so...we gonna tax us some freeloadin' churchies.
And so!
Not a catholic, not even a christian, but the catholic church does not question or contest that we are descended from monkeys.
Well, technically they do, because they accept scientific evidence that monkeys and humans share a common ancestor, which is not the same thing as saying that humans are descended from monkeys. But, yeah.
Yet the Vatican refuses to recognize marriages between gender-bending hermaphroditic CHUDs to marry, regardles of the fact that both are straight.
They did until around 1950, about 90 years after Darwin published his heretical text.
i remember when i was a kid and the catholic church preached about helping those in need no matter what. sad to see the institution has become the embodiment of a petulant child ready to take their ball and go home when others won't let them play the game by their rules. good riddance.
+1
And the sole comment posted at the link is so rich:
I'm pretty sure many individual parishes still help those in need without prerequisition, but it's evident that their overall PR is still managing to paint themselves as a hypocritical institution that hides child molesters, preaches unreasonable virtues, and picks up dogs by the hind legs and runs them around like wheelbarrows.
"preaches unreasonable virtues" i think virtues by nature are unreasonable and hard to live by. never heard of a reasonable virtues. guess that would be things like selfishness and laziness.
Totally not fair! Refusing charity to the citizens of an unchristian government is consistent with church policy. Remember how the Church pulled out of Axis Europe in protest of the Holocaust?
Errrrrrrr..... I mean,
+1
This type of behavior is part of American patriotism. The Vatican and her satellites are simply trying to be good patriotic Americans. You can't expect them to be sitting on their laurels when the Anti-Christ has finally taken his seat in the White House and the End of the World is Nigh (finally, after all these years!). I'm baptized and confirmed and there's a cross hanging in my grandmother's bathroom; all you naysayers and Gentiles are screeeewwwwweed!
[spontaneously combusts, ashes get whisked off to heaven; American flag with 13 stars encircling an 11/twin towers slowly lowered over stage]
If there's a crucifix hanging on the wall in the bathroom where the hell are you supposed to masturbate? Lord knows you can't do it in the bedroom, you share that with 14 of your closest siblings.
... and hence we now know the purpose of the crucifix hanging on the wall in the bathroom.
Churches are about helping those in need no matter what, you are right.
The best solution to this problem is for the church to go old school on them.
Break out the racks and iron maidens, start burning heretics at the stake. Convert the DC gay population inquisition style!
Solves the marriage question, keeps the church in the charity and saving souls business...
It's a win win for everyone.
Breaking news: Virginians still scared to drive in rain.
+ A Billion
You forgot to add snow, sunlight, darkness, fog, partly cloudy skies, and most of downtown DC outside of Northwest.
Good morning. I just wanted to point out, following the requisite legal holiday moratorium, that the austermuhling we got on Tuesday (WTOP Report Provokes Anger Among Area Cyclists) did not achieve 100 posts. Will there be an inquiry? (I was going to ask if there might be a probe, but asking for a probe about an austermuhling seems inappropriate.)
Thank you.
The Central Committee for Austermuhl Oversight has determined that, in order to preserve the status of MOLLY!(TM) as the Comment Clusterfuck of Aught Nine, no inquiry will be raised. The Committee is prepared, however, for a January 1, 2010 post that includes (1) guns, (2) voting rights, (3) spandex pants, and (4) small woodland creatures. The bar has been set.
Mmmm. Will it be gunmen or woodland creatures in SpandexTM?
Why does it have to be either/or?
Tonight we hunt the Most Dangerous Game: squirrels in spandex.
I usually keep a gun, my voter registration and a small woodland creature in my spandex just for good measure. If need be, I can be available for a DCist interview on January 1, 2010. My rider for that date simply includes a bottle of Advil, 32oz of Gatorade and a pork roll, egg and cheese sandwich on a hard roll.
I appreciate all of you for improving my mood on this foul Thursday morning. All of it, ending with the words hard roll, made me wet.
Thank you again.
You're always welcome to the "hard roll" IN MY SPANDEX.
What really sticks in my craw is DCist's constant appeasement of bicyclist aggression. Take the picture above. Sure that guy looks like a peaceful, law-abiding citizen. What they don't tell you is that he killed three nuns, set a dumpster on fire, stole a schoolgirl's milk money, and, worst of all, RAN A REDLIGHT right before that photo was taken. If we don't take an immediate stand against the two-wheeled tyrant, we'll all suffer under their reign of oppression!
You're right. There's no justice. There's just us. If DC had any sense, they'd sic the double-amputee-wheelchair-shotgun dude on these outlaw bikers and their stinky padded Spandex asses.
Four wheels good. Two wheels bad.
I expect Martin to give up on DC voting rights in favor of a cause that actually has a chance...like Basque Separatism.
ETA!, ETA!, ETA!
Unlikely. By his words and actions, Martin has consistently aligned himself with pro-Franco forces agains the Republicans.
As for me, I was on a pro-Franco committee, fella, during the Spanish War. Would you kill me if I gave you the chance? I may give you the chance, fella.
True. Martin even looks a little Like Errol Flynn
1) The nuns had it coming.
2) I was simply passing by the area of the dumpster fire, so I have no idea what you're talking about it.
3) It's a bad economy.
4) I was distracted by the small woodland creature and it's a wet morning. You can't expect me to brake quickly in these conditions.
It could have been worse. My gun wasn't loaded.
1) The nuns had it coming.
Jeezis, can I go a week without hearing this line? Between the anti-Papists and the Basque bashing, DCist is practically turning into a Know Nothing Party mouthpiece. What's next? A plea for Free Silver and to get us off the Gold Standard? Pishposh! Flimshaw! Now if you'll excuse me, some young ruffian is absconding with my pennyfarthing! There's never a constable when you need one. But that's what you get with 100 years of McKinleynomics.
My point exactly. Where the bicyclist rides unmolested, the patriot cowers in fear. It's a sad day for freedom.
Uptight press lays waste to my Ring Cycle aspirations with gender-bending fish. If you know what I mean.
Not to go off topic, but our Favorite Martin is quoted in the latest issue of dcwatch. Commence with the Austermuhling!
our favorite Martin
1. I just got that.
2. You are dating yourself
2. You are dating yourself
Nobody else will. Have you seen her adultfriendfinder dot com page? It's like Myra-Breckinridge-Meets-Nekromantic at a Yu Gi Oh party. I couldn't stop vomiting.
If by "date" you mean flowers, dinner and a movie, then yes, she is suffering. But if by "date" you mean 20 min. under the bleachers at Gonzaga High, then I understand her social calender is quite full now that school is back in.
Is this a special case of genderbending?
2. You are dating yourself
I am NOT dating myself. That would be ... well, uh ... narcissistic. Although I do have an affinity for cute Greek boys.
I bet you're not dating yourself because your grandmother keeps a crucifix on the bathroom wall. Damned crucifixes!
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU TO LOSE YOUR FAITH IN ATHEISM!
I keeps a lock of hair in my pocket. I wears a cross around my neck. Yes, the hair is from a little boy, and the cross is someone I have not met, not yet.
Monkey's Journal. November 13th, 2009: Spandex squirrel carcass in alley this morning, bike tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of rain and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder and taxidermy will foam up about their waists and all the whores and fixies and doubleparking genderbending CHUD churchies will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "Maybe!"
Meanwhile, back on the farm...
...Grandma is beating off the Indians.
This is the true meaning behind the crucifix in the bathroom...
Meh, tell them "no". They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or Yusuf Acar. Decent men who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of Morlocks, Shiloh Churchies and their brazil-waxed panda concubines and didn't realize that the trail led over an exploding manhole cover until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now all of Ward 3 stands on the brink, staring down into bloody Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers, like Mary Cheh... and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say.
that is, far and away, the best channeling of monkey that i've ever read here...[/ sheds a tear]
Fuck the Catholics!
I don't think you've thought this through. Isn't that how we got so many in the first place? That, and Vatican IIs acceptance of "running a red light" as a form of birth control?
Hey, fuck you, buddy!
Roger that.
and, let me tell you all, i couldn't keep up on the comments today (what, you have to work sometimes?!?), but this thread might be one of the best i've ever seen. consistent high quality from everyone. i'm so proud!