Real Housewives of D.C.: Week 3
Photo courtesy Bravo.
It's Friday afternoon -- time for our bulleted recap of the third week of the Real Housewives of D.C. Let's get right to it, shall we?
- Cat is meeting with her book editor, who states that we “want to convey the enormity of what you have done.” Not clear what is so enormous, but they will be doing a photoshoot for the cover. Editor wants a Sex and the City look. She doesn’t want that.
- Stacie and her husband Jason are at a vineyard. Since when is D.C. Napa Valley? But yes, we get our first Obama mention. That was fast!
- Salahis arrive in white limo, all “fabbed out.” They exchange wine with the winemaker.
- They are tasting the wine and we get Obama namedrop number two! Michaele: “Obama is about bringing us all together.” Goes on to say how he is uniting us all just like the red, white and blue. Sounds like something my sophomore year hallmate would say, but he did a lot of drugs.
- Jason’s brother has a number-one single in Paris. They are going there for an album release party in three days and invite the Salahis. Oo la la.
- Lynda is at Saks' VIP shopping night for breast cancer. Her agency, T.H.E., donates models for the runway. Mary is there too, and they are drinking wine and evaluating models. Lynda provides awesome commentary about models. (Example: “she needs to eat.”) Lynda may be obsessed with other people eating.
- Mary wants to know what happened at Paul’s birthday party. Lynda said Michaele is inappropriate and that the Salahis are starving for attention (Well, Michaele is just straight starving). She thinks their wine sucks.
- Stacie is packing, and husband asks “is this white couple really coming to a hip hop concert?” And for our third Obama of the night, he goes on to say, “well, it is the Obama era!” Oh Jason, don’t you know white people have been listening to hip-hop since at least the W. administration?
- Lynda and Cat get together to talk about her book and drink chardonnay.
- We finally find out that the book is about Cat’s life, her falling in love with husband #1 and then falling in love with another married man. “Does it have a happy ending?” Lynda asks, because she “loves a happy ending.” #TWSS
- Mary is having dinner at Equinox with her husband. Discussing party she is throwing for stylist Ted Gibson. More wine drinking and more Virginia wine jokes. (No, those never get old.)
- Mary doesn’t want drama at party for Ted. Let me guess...
- Cat is with husband and kids. No one is drinking! Cat is sad that her husband works so much and will be away for her photoshoot.
- I want to pitch a show to Bravo about the real housedogs of D.C. It will be like a doggie day care cam mixed in with dogs at the park drinking out of a bowl and talking about everything Bo does for fun. I would like that show.
- Anyway, Paul is meeting with his publicist. His hair is very curly today. She drops a bomb! Remember last week when the Salahis “hosted” his birthday party? Turns out, the Salahis' attorney called and said that they would not pay for the party. They were threatening not to come if they had to pay for anything. They required a signed document saying they would pay for nothing or they would not show up.
- We all knew these people were crazy, but the depth of crazy is impressive. Paul is blaming Tareq.
- It looks like the Salahis owe a lot of people money.
- Stacie is in Paris. She asked the hotel bell man why he had to talk in French. Elle est un idiot.
- Salahis there too, drinking champagne on balcony.
- Mary on phone with Paul, he tells her the Salahi thing with the signed document. Mary is shocked.
- Back in Paris, at Jason’s brother’s show. The gang is on the balcony, dancing up a storm. Tareq is waving his hand in the air. I think he has been listening to "Party in the U.S.A." one too many times.
- Mary’s daughter’s middle school had an assembly about sexting!!! (Related: Mary just got interesting.) Sexting! Her daughter’s knows of people who have done it. A whole assembly! Now that would have been interesting to film Bravo, where is the footage on that?
- Cat is in Georgetown getting photographed for her book. It looks really bad. She is holding shopping bags and talking on cell phone in shot, she hates it.
- Surprise, her husband is there! In a spontaneous moment that only a reality show could plan, it turns out he is he is going to photograph her too. He takes her to the Dupont Circle Metro station and they shoot on the escalator. I hope to see those shots in Exposed next year.
- Meanwhile, back in Paris! The girls are shopping. Stacie opening up about how she was adopted. She is trying to find her birth parents. This seems like a real moment, but I am too distracted by the fact that Michaele is wearing an 1980s brown leather tuxedo. I am ready for her to breakdance MJ-style on the streets of Paris.
- Mary is at Dupont Hotel with stylists Jason and Ted. She calls them besties! They are getting her ready for the party tonight. The gay men on this show are way more interesting than the women.
- Stacie, Cat and Lynda arrive. They are having a mini-hair and makeup party that does look like a lot of fun. Recapping the gossip. Lynda doesn’t want to be near the Salahis at party.
- Salahis arrive at party. Paul is there too, his hair is straight. He doesn’t want to bring up unpleasantness during Ted’s party.
- Thanks to an IM from my friend Kelly, I am now aware that Mary isn’t wearing a bra. I can’t look away. It isn’t pretty.
- During dinner, Lynda calls Cat her new soul sister, because Cat “calls it like she sees it.” She then calls Stacie the Diana Ross in the group. Stacie’s friend Erika doesn’t like the reference to the face MJ coveted and states “apparently we have a black girl in the group.” Cat is upset by the comment from Erika.
- Erika seems right on the mark with the racial tension in the group, but I doubt we will ever get an honest conversation about it.
- Cat complaining to Paul about Stacie’s friend Erika. Calls her a guard dog. Cat is “so not racists.” Cat is happy that Paul made her laugh.
- Tareq talking about Michaele’s weight, saying she gained weight since he married her. So Tareq, she was a Stick Figure in Peril before you met?
- Paul looks like he wants to throw something at Tareq. I love this guy, even his mean looks are dramatic and awesome.
- Lynda believes that Michaele is under great stress and states, “No wonder she is so skinny, she is married to Tareq.”
- Her last parting words for the show to Michaele, “Get rid of your husband.”
- That is it. Phew. See you next Friday.
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