Real Housewives of D.C.: Week 4
Nothing says class like stomping some grocery-bought grapes at a vineyard. Photo courtesy Bravo.
Happy Friday everyone. This week, we learn more about Mary, the Salahis crashing the Congressional Black Caucus dinner, and Virginia grape stomping. Let's do it.
- Lynda cooking bacon with Ebong. Her teenage children are wearing onsies pajamas. She is still looking for a house. She will miss Georgetown and a concierge. Oh Lynda, won’t we all!
- Stacie visiting with her sorority sisters who are in town for Howard homecoming. They are talking about finding her parents.
- Turns Stacie's mom is a white lady from Germany. Her Mom’s family has no idea that she had baby, because she became pregnant during her time in the Peace Corps in Nigeria.
- Her Dad has no idea that she exists. Mom won’t give her his info. This is by far the most interesting part of the whole episode.
- Mary is at Ted Gibson's salon. She said some people call Washington the “Hollywood for Ugly People,” and she wants to fix that. Whoever said that clearly never rode the Green or Yellow line.
- Michaele is there, and she is “sponsoring” the opening event. Mary feels like she is contributing more than Michaele to Ted’s success in D.C. They are now having a hug fight over Ted.
- Mary is bugged that Ted took too long to say hi to her, claims she is his favorite. Mary is not an interesting reality show character.
- Opening party for Ted’s salon. All the ladies are there. Everyone is drinking. Lynda and Michaele are telling each other they love each other. Pssst, we don’t believe you.
- Mary calling Salahis social climbers. This may be the thesis statement for the whole series.
- Mary’s house. I guess this whole episode is about Mary. This does not bode well for the next 40 minutes of my life.
- Mary's daughter Lolly has a new job as an executive assistant. Mary is happy she is taking the dog to work. I am guessing the maid is, too.
- Cat on phone with Michaele. Cat is in her yard, and she has really cute dogs -- two black labs and a small Scottie looking dog. I have no idea what they are talking about on the phone. The dogs are wrestling, and it is really cute.
- Michaele on phone with Lynda because she is inviting everyone to a grape stomp. Lynda declined, she is going to her son’s football game. This could be the smartest decision of her life.
- Mary is at a furniture store with Cat, wearing some crazy wool Burberry cape thing. She is planning on painting something in her house high gloss black. Apparently, it is 1985 and she lives in an episode of “Growing Pains.”
- Cat is talking trash about the furniture. Jason, Ted Gibson’s partner is there too.
- Everyone is drinking wine in the furniture store.
- Jason recaps how the Salahis invited him to the Congressional Black Caucus dinner. He and Ted went, assumed that the Salahis had an invite, but when they got there, they notice the invitation was only to admit one only.
- The Salahis claim it would be fine. They all crashed the dinner. Gee, does this sound familiar to anyone?
- Jason saying that he was panicking, and the Salahis sat down and stole other people’s seats. Five Secret Service people escorted the Salahis out. This speaks for itself.
- Finally, someone said Obama.
- Jason and Ted stayed, but noticed that the Salahis somehow got into the VIP area after they were asked to leave. Are the Salahis party Houdinis? How do you get past the Secret Service? Their life (at least as depicted on this show) really is this SNL skit.
- Stacie and husband are in limo on way to the grape stomp. They pick up Mary, her different wool cape, Cat and Jason. They are drinking, obviously.
- Salahis at the vineyard. The vineyard does not look functional, all the vines look like death.
- Turns out Tareq’s family barred him from being at the vineyard, and this is their first time back. There was a court ruling which allowed them back in. The Salahis apparently love party crashing, not paying their bills, and being in court.
- Tareq’s Mom didn't want him at the vineyard. Does anyone like this guy? Tareq hired security for the day to prevent his Mom from ruining their day. Security for his Mom. Yeah.
- No one in the limo has seen Michaele away from Tareq. Mary brings up the fact that Michaele was a makeup person, again. She loves this fact.
- Jason retelling the Congressional Black Caucus story. Adds that they went in a side door that a busboy held open. Wicked classy.
- Obama #2.
- Stacie is freaking out about this story. Feels like she doesn’t know the Salahis.
- This episode is really, really boring. I am wondering if I should be drinking as much as the Housewives.
- Lynda at Mie N Yu in Georgetown with Ebong. That's about all that happened in that scene.
- There is major security at winery, helicopter, dobermans, etc. Tareq borrowed one of Bill Cosby’s old sweaters for this event.
- Limo arrives, and everyone drinks some Chardonnay.
- Cat talks about how bizarre it is to have security. Salahis duck a question about why security is there. These people are seriously beyond weird.
- Tareq blows a whistle to get everyone to stomp grapes. Cat calls Tareq a control freak.
- Cat won’t stomp grapes. Cat hates being “bossed about.”
- Michaele’s assistant calls Cat bitchy to her face. Oh, burn!
- Stacie, Mary, and Michaele stomp grapes. But here is the kicker, they are NOT VINE GRAPES. They are stomping seedless grapes from the grocery store!!! WTF?
- Hey everyone, I own a winery too! I went to Giant the other day and bought a whole bunch of grapes. Come over to my back alley and we can all stomp them together.
- These women are seriously stomping on grocery store grapes.
- Where is Paul? This episode has no Paul. I want a refund.
- Tareq is blowing whistle again, ordering everyone around.
- Yes, Cat said "bollocks"! That is one of my favorite words. God bless the British.
- Jason has an event and needs to leave. Cat leaves with him because she doesn’t want to put up with Salahi nonsense. I am starting to like Cat.
- Everyone sits down in wine room. More drinking.
- Michaele is upset about what Cat said. Poor Michaele, she invited someone over to stomp fake grapes and is sad that they saw right threw her. I have tears for you Blond Jay Leno, I really do.
- Mary and Stacie tell the story about Black Caucus dinner. They ask the Salahis if they did they sneak in, and they don't answer. The Salahis are experts at not answering questions.
- Mary states she doesn’t like to talk negatively about people. That is a lie.
- Everyone talking about who talked bad about who, and it isn’t making sense anymore.
- They are still talking about Lynda thinking Michaele is skinny. Everyone is making faces at each other. This is like watching thirteen-year-old girls pass notes (do kids still do that?) and be catty, except Bravo has given them lots of makeup and lots and lots of alcohol.
- Mary wants it be really clear that she doesn’t talk negatively about people.
- “I don’t talk about people.” “No, I don’t talk about people.” “No, you do talk about people.”
- End. See you next week.
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