With all the legislative back and forth over the District’s evolving gun regulations since the Supreme Court deemed the city’s handgun ban unconstitutional last summer, it’s understandable that we’d all be confused as to how one goes about registering a gun. The Metropolitan Police Department has published a guide that attempts to clear up the process.

The 13-page guide details how to transport your gun to a police station for registration (do not stuff it in your belt and saunter in Chuck Norris-style), what to bring with you (a valid D.C. identification card, two passport-size photos, proof of five hours of training), what you should expect (a 20-question multiple choice test on D.C. gun laws, $60 in fees for a handgun and $48 for a rifle or shotgun, fingerprints for the background check) and how long the whole process should take (5 days). That sawed-off shotgun you’ve been itching to register? The .50-caliber BMG rifle? Those are no-no’s, along with machine guns, short-barreled rifles and assault weapons.

The guide also lists all the qualifications for registration. If you’re not 21 (or 18 with a letter from the folks) and have pretty much any type of violent or gun-related criminal past, you might consider ninja stars as a self-defense alternative.

Storage regulations are also cited. In essence, D.C. does not require that you keep your gun unloaded and disassembled in a locked place, but it does make it a criminal offense to keep it in your bedside table or someplace similar if you’ve got anyone under the age of 18 in the house who could “reasonably” get a hold of the gun. The penalties for criminally negligent storage can be steep, so pay particularly close attention to them.

If you’re thinking about getting and registering a gun, give the guide a good read. (It’s available here in .PDF format.) But for our sake, don’t go running to your closest police outpost and try to register that prized anti-aircraft battery you’ve had in the basement because DCist said you could.