Sure, horse racing ranks somewhere between golf and the Tour de France on the list of most-clamored for sports in the American collective consciousness. But it’s still worth noting that the Preakness Stakes — also known as the “Race for the Black-Eyed Susans,” or “That One That Comes After The Kentucky Derby” — will go on this afternoon, in all of its state-owned glory at nearby Pimlico. Looking for stories to entertain you through the five-hour leadup to today’s race? Here’s one: jockey Calvin Borel, who rode 50-1 longshot Mine That Bird to victory in the Kentucky Derby, is dismounting that horse to ride a different horse — gasp, drama! — who just so happens to be a filly (that’s a female horse, people) named Rachel Alexandra.

Or how about gambling? The City Paper’s Dave McKenna spoke with John Scheinman — who used to write about horse racing for the Washington Post before, you know, they probably realized that very few people are interested in reading about horse racing year-round — about what to bet on today. Scheinman warns to stay away from that jockey-stealing Rachel hussy, instead suggesting other horses with more non-human names. Yahoo! Sports also has a easily-digestible roundup, for those interested. Personally, I’d recommend betting a dollar on every horse — you can’t lose!

But, really, the story that everyone actually cares about: no one can bring booze into Pimlico for the race. Bummer, dude — based on the video below, attendees seemed to handle that privilege with such aplomb. Deadspin eulogized the disbarring of Pimlico’s BYOB policy thusly: “In any case, the one thing that does make sense is to look back fondly on the era of bruised foreheads, exposed breasts, and hazy, puke-filled memories … and weep.”

Uh, amen? Enjoy the race, folks; all one and a half minutes of it.