Jury duty isn’t rocket science, which is probably why the courts allow most anybody to do it. You show up, you listen to people make arguments, you make a decision based on said arguments and any special instructions you’re given, and that’s about it. Fact is, if you’re going to be recused from this particular public service, you probably should have a pretty good excuse in hand. Do you know the individual on trial? Sure, you’re off the hook. You’re medically incapacitated? Right, the court will either give you an extension or waive the service altogether. You “had an emergency meeting at the hotel where [you] work as a manager”? Uh, no, you probably should get your butt down to Moultrie.
That reality didn’t quite sink in for 42-year-old Louis F. Alexander, who — despite it being the second day of testimony in a murder trial — called the chambers of D.C. Superior Court Judge Herbert B. Dixon Jr. with that very excuse and told the court to call him if they needed him. And the court did, seeing as how listening to witnesses is pretty much the juror’s job description in totality. But Alexander didn’t pick up; when he showed up to the trial the next day, Judge Dixon slapped him with a contempt charge.
Honestly, it’s really difficult to pinpoint the most hilarious part of this whole story. Is it that Alexander had the gall to just call up the court and give them the kind of excuse that you’d give when you’re trying to avoid seeing an annoying colleague? Is it that Alexander’s dad was a judge himself and so Alexander’s garish absence is all the more stupefying? Is it that Alexander tried to pull a Costanza and just show up on the third day of the trial like nothing had happened? Or is it that Alexander’s defense in his contempt hearing — that he was too emotionally affected by the trial to attend, a defense the judge accepted — is something that he probably should have brought up during that whole “is there anything that would affect your ability to fairly apply a verdict?” Q&A session during selection?
Ah, the efficacy of the criminal justice system — never fails to inspire.
