As the Republican primaries have dragged on, we’ve slowly sussed out where some of the contenders stand on D.C. statehood. Newt Gingrich? For it…but only for the moon. Mitt Romney? Hasn’t yet said, but if he was for it while he was governor of Massachusetts, he’s certainly against it now. And Rick Santorum? Well, he looks to be for it. (Un poco.)

Reuters reported yesterday afternoon that during a visit to Puerto Rico, which holds its Republican primary this weekend, Santorum said that he was all for the island’s ability to decide its own future—a referendum is scheduled for November—but that if it wants to be a state, well, it’ll have to start speaking English:

In an interview with El Vocero newspaper, Santorum said he supported Puerto Ricans’ right to self-determination regarding the island’s political status.

“We need to work together and determine what type of relationship we want to develop,” he told the newspaper.

But Santorum said he did not support a state in which English was not the primary language.

“Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law,” Santorum said. “And that is that English has to be the principal language. There are other states with more than one language such as Hawaii but to be a state of the United States, English has to be the principal language.”

According to a follow-up article from El Vocero published today (under the hilarious headline, “Say what?”), Santorum said: “Speaking English is a requirement. It’s a requirement for other states and it’s a requirement to be part of the union. If you want to participate as a state in the union of the United States, you need to participate in the language that the people of the states speak.”

English certainly isn’t listed as an official language in the Constitution, so Santorum is mistaken there. But if the only thing we have to do is speak English to be counted as the 51st State, well, here we are! Heck, we’ll speak in 17th century English that more closely reflects the era from whence Santorum draws his positions on social issues if it comes down to it.

Sadly, Santorum isn’t even on the ballot for the District’s April 3 primary, so we can’t throw our support his way. Que pena.