Photo by Alan Zilberman.
By DCist contributor Alan Zilberman
Located near the recent explosion of bars and restaurants in Shaw, Right Proper Brewing Company offers a diverse beer menu and solid food options. This is not a high-concept bar like Eat the Rich, Southern Efficiency, or Mockingbird Hall (what’s next after ham and sherry? Rabbit and sloe gin? Jerky and fortified wine?). Instead, Right Proper is a neighborhood bar with emphasis on its home brews and savory menu. Like a good neighbor, the bar’s bathroom strives to be welcoming to the entire community. Like a not-so-good neighbor, it does this in a passive-aggressive way.
+6 for accommodating demand: There is a dedicated men’s room in Right Proper—it has three urinals—and the remaining bathrooms are mixed use. How do I know this, you ask? There is a prominent sign on the door that says, “BOTH LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ARE ENCOURAGED TO SIT.” Upon first glance, I thought the sign meant that I should sit even if I’m just urinating, which is not cool (my aim is perfectly fine, thank you very much). Instead, the sign—I think—acknowledges the basic digestive realities that men sometimes need more than a urinal. Kudos for that.
-5 for an unclear sign: The faux-polite language of the signs are annoying. Remember when I reviewed Wonderland Ballroom a couple months back and I praised the bathroom hallway for including the sign “Please do not urinate on the floor”? I’d appreciate the same kind of direct, firm instruction here. I don’t think anyone would blink an eye if the sign said, “MEN: PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS TOILET UNLESS YOU NEED TO TAKE A SHIT. YES, WE’RE SERIOUS.” Instead, we’re left with a passive-aggressive suggestion with an unclear message and a Nanny-state tone. Fuck that noise.
+3 for silly coat hangers: In one of the Right Proper bathrooms, there is a coat hanger that sort of looks like Theodore Roosevelt. The screws are abstracted pince-nez glasses, and the hangers themselves are like a bushy moustache. I can’t help but smile at a little detail like that.
-4 for a creepy sexualized mural: Look, I’m all about erotic bathroom art. 2 Birds 1 Stone gets high marks for its collage of vintage boobs, and there are several other bathrooms that embrace a similar style. One private stall of Right Proper, on the other hand, has this creepy-ass anime character with no bra, glossy eyes, and an inhumanely proportioned ass. She’s in a faux-cute Betty Boop pose, and I don’t know, she looks closer to a young teenager than a young woman. I don’t want to have to stare at that while I’m taking a shit (or a whiz, for that matter. Fuck you and your rules, Right Proper!).
+4 for non-automatic paper towel disposals: As longtime readers know, I prefer maximum-strength hand driers over paper towels. That being said, if paper towels are my only option, I prefer to manually grab them instead of an automatic paper towel dispenser. The sensor never reacts quickly enough, and I need two or three paper towels for an adequate drying experience. Come to think of it, I dislike all bathroom automation. It’s as if the machines know when I’m finished, and it feels too close to reaching the Singularity.
-2 for that lame-ass Pink Floyd poster in the men’s room: You’ve seen the image: several nude women face away from the camera, and their backs are painted with famous album covers from the iconic psychedelic band’s oeuvre. You know where you last saw that image? That’s right, in the freshman dorm of that one guy who wouldn’t let you play Mario Kart even though you brought enough beer for you, him, and his roommate. No freshmen dorm posters should be in any D.C. bar bathroom, especially Shaw, because our tastes have evolved since then. At least there isn’t a film poster for Fight Club, The Boondock Saints, or some bullshit like that.
Overall score: +2. This is a clean bathroom with some interesting details, as well ones that are downright dubious. Note: if the owners change their mixed use signage to be less polite and more bluntly scatological, then I’ll revisit this one and I’m sure the score will improve significantly.
