A toilet at Russia House. Photo by Alan Zilberman.
By DCist Contributor Alan Zilberman
This upscale north Dupont restaurant and lounge has become an institution, and not just because of its fantastic vodka selection. The Russia House boasts excellent food, including lamb pierogies, as well as a decent happy hour ($4 off select vodka martinis). What’s really noteworthy about the spot is its atmosphere, complete with burgundy walls and lush furniture. I recently visited Russia House to celebrate the Sochi winter games. I wanted to write Dear John columns about the hotel bathrooms there — a meme that’s since fizzled in popularity — so a Russian restaurant in D.C. was the next best thing. The men’s room is nowhere near as lush as the lounge, with modern flourishes that obfuscate the bathroom experience instead of enhancing it.
+4 for overall cleanliness: The men’s room is well-maintained, without any acrid cleaning product vapors. There are several bottles of unspecified powders underneath the sink – they made me curious, but not enough to investigate – and those unforced details made me all the more comfortable with my experience.
-5 for a dark grey toilet: There is exactly one toilet in the men’s room at the Russia House, and it is dark grey in color, almost charcoal. Dutiful readers will remember my review of 2 Birds 1 Stone, wherein I criticized the bathroom for its black toilet. The same applies here: it is impossible to see exactly what came out of me, both in terms of size of color. An inspection of human waste is an essential part of my daily health maintenance, and non-white toilets hinder that opportunity.
+3 for hand-drying options: There is no extreme hand drier, but a low-tech alternative is serviceable. The paper towel dispenser is manually operated, no annoying sensor here, and it’s also adequately stocked. A friend recently pointed out that paper towels are preferable over hand driers since it’s more hygienic to grip the bathroom door handle that way. I’m not a quasi-germaphobe, however, so I’ll always take Dyson Air Blade because my life will never be like this scene from The Aviator.
-1 for its weird shape: I do not mind that Russia House is on the bottom floor — it’s on the same floor as the restaurant, not the lounge — but its shape is problematic since the men’s room sits underneath the stairs. As a result, the bathroom is an L-shape, full of angles instead of the traditional box shape. Maybe this makes me a strange person (it probably does), but I like to stretch a bit when I’m afforded some privacy. This bathroom has all the privacy but none of the space, so it felt like I was on an airplane.
-1 for its impersonal proletariat marble walls: In any other establishment, the marble walls and floors would be an ideal surface. They’re clean, if boring in color, and give the austere impression they’re well-maintained. But because Russia House prides itself on its old school lounge aesthetic, its bathroom betrays an implicit trust. Why aren’t the warm wood furnishings in the bathroom as well? Couldn’t there be a creepy bathroom attendant or something? What were the tsar’s bathrooms like?
Overall Score: Zero. This is a clean, bare-bones bathroom. The problem is that every feature that makes it stand out is a bad one. I’m glad I didn’t have to punch a hole through the door to leave, don’t get me wrong. I just want the bathroom concept to be an extension of the place’s overall feel.
