During an interview for a narcissism study, an 85-year old woman mentioned how her first husband left to fight in World War II. It had been an unhappy marriage, and she wondered aloud whether the purpose of the war was “to put Hitler in his place or to set me free.” Behold, true narcissism.
Narcissism is everywhere, at every point on the self-absorbed spectrum. Jeffrey Kluger explains how to identify and deal with it in The Narcissist Next Door: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, In Your Office, In Your Bed — In Your World (Riverhead, September 2014). He will be at Sixth & I Historic Synagogue on Thursday, September 11th at 7 p.m. to discuss his new book, and this special breed.
Kluger tells DCist he was inspired to write The Narcissist Next Door by the growing attention to the topic in the early Facebook and reality TV-era. The term “narcissist” seemed to be an overused label, much like “OCD” or “bipolar,” and Kluger was interested in “teasing that apart.”
So what separates someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) from your average chronic selfie-taker? While they’re both on the continuum, NPD is a deep, firm belief in one’s own specialness. Kluger says it “prevents you from being able to proceed normally with your life” and has consequences like losing friends, romantic partners, or jobs. He adds that lower-end narcissistic behavior might irritate people, but can also lead to great social and professional success; “there is something highly adaptive” about the confidence that comes with narcissism.
Each chapter of the The Narcissist Next Door begins with an example of a narcissist in different environments, and sucks you in to find out more. For starters, the most likely narcissist in your family? The baby. With little to no moral compass, and feeling entitled to whatever they want, few creatures embody narcissism more than small children. If he or she doesn’t grow out of it, it could be NPD.
Many NPD sufferers can be found working in D.C.’s hometown industry: politics. “Narcissism is the table stakes of being a politician,” Kluger tells us, because you truly believe you are better-equipped than anyone else to implement change. He clarifies that some do this with humility, while others, not so much. If you’re concerned, there is a self-administered NPD test at the end of The Narcissist Next Door.
The author also gives DCist some pointers for how to spot a narcissist early: When you’re with them, how much oxygen is in the room? Are they letting you talk? Reciprocity doesn’t mean much to a narcissist. How do they handle criticism? Narcissists often can’t handle it, or will become enraged. And, look out for a sense of entitlement, toddler-style. We all expect some level of reward or courtesy, Kluger says, but realize “the world is an imperfect place” — unless you’re a narcissist.
Kluger, a longtime science writer, is a senior editor and writer at Time. Previous books include Apollo 13, coauthored with astronaut Jim Lovell, The Sibling Effect, Simplexity, Splendid Solution, Moon Hunters, and two young adult novels. He lives in New York City with his wife and daughters.
Tickets to the talk are $12 each, or two free with a book purchase at $28. They may be purchased over the phone or online here. Doors open at 6 p.m.
