CVS is awash in red and pink crap, NPR Valentine’s Day cards are making the rounds, and Kay Jewelers commercials are getting aggressive. Is Valentine’s Day a stupid capitalist holiday that we should boycott and ridicule? Yes, but no, you cynical, love-hating, anti-Cupid. Valentine’s Day is the best and the hearts and doilies are cute, if super kitschy. It’s the February 14th starter set that’s got to go. If the best idea you’ve got is the rack of lamb at Bistro Cacao, it might be time for some out-of-the-Russell Stover box ideas. And not just because Bistro Cacao is already booked for the night.
Pablo Neruda (Folger Shakespeare Library)
A Celebration of Pablo Neruda @ Folger Library
You can try to write poetry for your Valentine—and the effort will probably be appreciated—but chances are it won’t be very good. Give your rhyming skills a rest and come to the Folger to hear the best! The lost works of Nobel Prize-winning Chilean poet Pablo Neruda will be read by award-winning poet, editor, and translator Forest Gander and poet Javier Zamora. The two poets will read selections from Then Come Back, a volume of recently discovered poems Neruda wrote on napkins, playbills, and scraps of paper. They will also read original works inspired by Neruda.
February 14 at 7:30 pm at the Folger Shakespeare Library. $15. Buy tickets here.
(From the event’s Facebook page)
Tinder Live! With Lane Moore @The Lincoln Theatre
Tinder in the morning. Tinder in the evening. Tinder at supper-time. When dating apps are on your smart phone, you can flirt with strangers any time. Comedian Lane Moore chooses to do so on stage, while cracking jokes all about the wild world of super-likes and swiping right. During Tinder Live!, Moore will divulge her best tips, share some tricks, and send a few texts to John, 32, Accountant. As an added bonus, Alexandra Petri will be there. Brightest Young Things called it “the greatest show on earth.” Could Tinder Live! also be the greatest Valentine’s Day date on earth? Let us know.
February 14 at 8 p.m. at The Lincoln Theatre. $25. Buy tickets here.
(Story District)
Worst Date Ever @ Town Danceboutique
You might think a show called “Worst Date Ever” would be terrible Valentine’s Day entertainment, but we think Story District‘s annual event is a great idea. Listen to people share true tales of misery and epic fails, and after hearing some of these stories of romance gone awry, you’ll look like a dating genius. Plus, laughter is the best medicine for both big date jitters and bitter loneliness. Bring a partner or bring yourself, just arrive early. These seats tend to go fast.
February 14 at 8 p.m. at Town Danceboutique, 2009 8th St, NW. $15. The early show is sold out, but a late show has been added. Doors open 10 p.m. show at 10:30 p.m. Buy tickets here.
(Spy Museum)
Sex(pionage): Spies, Lies, and Naked Thighs @The International Spy Museum
Pretend you’re James Bond and shake things up this Valentine’s Day at the International Spy Museum. Following pre-event cocktails, museum board member and intelligence historian H. Keith Melton will share how seduction can be a far more effective espionage tool than fancy gadgets (sorry, Q). He’ll use examples from history and fiction to highlight the secret sex lives of spies, and the trickery behind entrapment.
February 14 at 6 p.m.at The International Spy Museum. $35. Buy tickets here
(Kennedy Center)
Patti LaBelle @ The Kennedy Center
Some DIY Valentine’s Day ideas are lovely. Preparing a gourmet candlelit dinner at your place is so much more meaningful than dining out. Busting out the glue stick to make a homemade card? “All this effort for…moi? Kiss me, you sweet crafty fool!” Other activities, like a romantic serenade, are best left to the professionals. Who better to coo love ballads to your special someone than Patti LaBelle? The diva will be in D.C. singing songs to touch your souls.
February 14 at 8 p.m. at The Kennedy Center. $39-129. Buy tickets here.
(Puffing Picasso)
Puffing Picasso @ Manor
Does your passion burn like a smoldering blunt? Does your go-to Valentine’s Day bouquet have psychoactive properties? Do you like body painting? You might enjoy this 420-friendly event for cannabis (and crafts!)-loving couples. You’ll get a pre-roll, a glass of wine, and some creative foreplay as you paint on a canvas you can take home: your partner. Button-downs and backless shirts are recommended.
February 14 at 6:30 p.m. at Manor, 1327 Connecticut Ave NW. $40. Buy tickets here.
From the official Rick Astley Facebook page
Rick Astley @ 9:30
If you think the holiday is silly but feel compelled to participate anyway, you might as well rick roll your date. Show up with the corniest card Hallmark has to offer and whisk your love out on the town with promises of romantic music. Tell them you’re never going to give them up or let them down. Add that you’ll never run around and hurt them. Tickets are sold out, but if the persistent ginger pop star could make his way into 60 percent of our video content circa 2008, you can find your way into this show.
February 14 at 7 p.m. at the 9:30. $35-whatever resellers are asking. Look for tickets on Stubhub.
The Earl Grey Marteani, created by Audrey Sanders (Scott Suchman/Columbia Room)
Women Rule Tasting Menu @ Columbia Room
Why bother with a prix fixe dinner when you can opt for multiple courses of cocktails? Throw a blazer over your “this is what a feminist looks like” t-shirt and head to the James Beard Award-nominated bar Columbia Room for a three or five-course tasting menu paying tribute to women of the culinary world. Raise a glass to your love and to iconic female bartenders and chefs like Ada Coleman, Audrey Saunders, and Rosio Sanchez. The menu will be gussied up for Valentine’s Day with caviar, champagne, and canelés.
February 14 at 5:30 p.m. at Columbia Room, 124 Blagden Alley NW.$79-108/person., Buy tickets here.
