Photograph of Pope Benedict XVI by Pier Paolo Cito/Associated Press

It’s fair to say that Washington’s Catholic community is currently up to its eyeballs in Pope Fever, what with the pontiff’s exclusive April 17 mass at the new Nationals stadium only a little over a month away. Turns out, Pope Benedict XVI will be bringing more than the Popemobile with him to D.C. Bloomberg News reports that today the Vatican has officially created seven brand new sins, which will no doubt be the cornerstone of many of the Pope’s big upcoming masses.

The new so-called “social sins” are in addition to the familiar “deadly sins” that that crazy dude in that movie used as a reason to kill Gwyneth Paltrow. The new sins are:

1. ‘Bioethical’ violations such as birth control
2. ‘Morally dubious’ experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty

Just to clear up any confusion, the original sins, Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth, are still in effect. We repeat, these new sins don’t cancel out the old ones, so get off your butt and quit lusting after your boss who you are so envious of that you’re stealing from the company and boasting about it. And while you’re at it, stop taking the Pill, smoking weed, littering and conducting potentially lifesaving medical research. Otherwise, you’ll never get one of those coveted papal mass tickets.