It’s become an epic fight of the caffeinated world. In one corner, the java-head who likes his espresso on the rocks. In the other, the emphatic barista and his posse of “mud” slingers.

The overblown scuffle started this past Sunday when blogger Jeff Simmermon stopped by Murky Coffee in Arlington for his usual, a triple shot of espresso on ice. But in a scene reminiscent of Jack Black in High Fidelity or Paul Giamatti in Sideways, Simmermon got a face full of coffee snobbery. “I’m sorry, we can’t serve iced espresso here. It’s against our policy,” is the response he got instead. What ensued next, according to Simmermon, was a series of blank stares, rolled eyes, and recitations of “coffee policy.” Although he sort of received his beverage – a triple espresso with a side cup of ice – Simmermon made sure to add this tidbit

Touching a waitress’s chest is Not Okay. Pouring the coffee onto the floor instead of the cup is Not Okay. Drinking something I paid for the way I want to drink it — that’s more than Not Okay, it’s perfectly fucking fine.

Normally, not much would have come out of a blogger’s online gripes about a shop’s bad service, but once the story hit BoingBoing, Consumerist and other intertubes, Murky owner Nick Cho shot back with his response on Murky’s blog.

Okay, we don’t do espresso over ice. Why? Number one, because we don’t do it. Number two, because we don’t do it. Mostly for quality reasons. Also, because more than half the time, it’s abused (Google “ghetto latte”) …

… At murky, we try to treat people with common courtesy, and expect the same from our customers. Not in response or in turn, but because that’s how people are supposed to treat each other. We’re not supposed to go through life looking for reasons to get pissed off. Life’s too short for that sort of thing.

Fuck you, Jeff Simmermon. Considering your public threat of arson, you’ll understand when I say that if you ever show your face at my shop, I’ll punch you in your dick.

Ah, mustn’t forget the obligatory curse word and threat. We know Cho has had a bad year, but it all seems a little over the top at this point. Quality control is important, but does a customer’s “uninformed” coffee-drinking habits warrant a side order of attitude? While many customers enjoy Murky’s local coffeehouse charm, laid back vibe, and high quality product, it just doesn’t work both ways.

Photo by samthegirl