Check this out: Loudoun County realtor Diane Atari, who’s suspected of defrauding banks for $50 million in a realty scheme, called in to ABC 7 yesterday from whereabouts unknown — possibly whereabouts in the Middle East — to say that she’s innocent. As she told ABC 7, she believes she’s been pegged by merciless investigators. Her son has links to an international motorcycle theft ring, okay. Yes, her husband’s cousin is Osama El-Atari, who fled Virginia on Thursday on the eve of a bankruptcy hearing forced on him by his creditors to whereabouts unknown, too, seemingly with a fleet of luxury vehicles in tow, which is impressive. That’s the same Osama El-Atari who was illegally deputized by the U.S. Department of Defense Logistics Agency, which supplies billions of dollars in supplies to U.S. troops, in exchange for his help in “red teaming exercises,” which is “a form of testing to asses vulnerabilities and limitations of systems and structures.”

But it’s not like Diane’s from a criminal family or anything!

She’s just on the lam, holding fast to the line that she couldn’t possibly have bilked banks out of millions by falsifying employment and credit records for sub-prime borrowers because she’s merely a realtor and not a loan agent. Meanwhile, she maintains that, as utterly simple and simplistic as this mistaken case against her appears to be, she trusts no justice system to see reason. (No courts here or abroad, as she’s also wanted by Interpol.) For now she appears to be playing the long game to establish her innocence: running from authorities.