ESPN — bastion of unbiased, scientific polling that it is — offered this incredibly positive query last night to Sportscenter viewers: “If you had to pick, which home team’s game would you be most likely to attend?” Of course, what they meant to say was, “Look, let’s say you end up in Hell, and your infinite punishment is that you’re forced to attend home games for one the worst professional franchises in each of the four major sports for all eternity: which one do you pick?” A majority of the country opted to go with the lowly Detroit Lions, because, you know, WOO FOOTBALL and all — but look at us, D.C., Maryland, and Virginia! We’re keeping it real with the Nats, the only team aside from the Lions to win a geographical area. (California, being far too cool to be associated with any of these loser squads, opted to go with the “None” option. Man, Kings fans in the state capital must be feeling great right about now.)

Sure, one could poke holes in this survey all day. For instance: it’s summertime. Of course people are going to be more willing to go to baseball games — one wonders what response this question gets in the dead of winter, when the NFL, NBA, and NHL seasons are in full swing. But at least Nationals fans can say, “hey, at least we’re not the Islanders.” Now there’s something to be proud about.