With a tip of the cap to Russian Machine Never Breaks, here’s footage of commercial star, noted feminist and goal-scorer (though not so much of late) Alexander Ovechkin, exhibiting some of his finest dance moves, many of them at Club Glow. If you’re at all offended by truly awful dancing, this will be nearly as graphic to you as those Missy Reilly Smith advertisements. (If anyone wants to try and breakdown what’s going through the guy’s head at the 1:50 mark, well, that’s what the Internet has comments for, I guess.)

When one considers the competition Ovechkin has when it comes to the happy feet on the Washington sports scene, it’s obvious that he needs to step up his game.