The best way for the local baseball team to counter the biggest pitching acquisition of the year by a division rival? Signing a 42-year-old first baseman who comes to bat accompanied by Stone Cold Steve Austin’s entrance theme, of course. Welcome to Washington, Matt Stairs! The Nats signed the first-baseman to a non-guaranteed minor league deal this morning.

It’s kind of impossible not to like Stairs. He’s Canadian. He’s no fuss, no muss. He’s hit the most pinch-hit homers in major league history (23). He’s a lovable modern big league journeyman, having played for 12 teams. He’s what they call a “professional hitter,” which means he sure can hit a fastball a really long way when given the chance. He really likes beer and is totally okay with the fact that most people like to joke about his slow pitch softball-type figure.

Plus, the guy just has a way with the media. Who wouldn’t be a fan of a player who, discussing his approach to pinch-hitting in the ninth inning in a pivotal playoff game says something like this?

“As I was standing in that batter’s box,” he went on, “I had one thing in mind — and that was going for that Budweiser sign (which hangs from the facing of the second deck in right field). But then again, that doesn’t change — against anybody.”

With guys like this, who needs Cliff Lee?