Was the highlight of last night’s chilly Nationals-Phillies tilt the spirited ninth-inning rally made by the Nationals? Perhaps it was the eight innings of sparkling pitching by Phillies starter Roy Halladay? Or maybe it was the how most of the audience seemed content to sit in their seats, obsessively staring at their smartphones, occasionally voicing their displeasure that the Capitals were trailing the New York Rangers?

Think again! The most exciting part of the evening was obviously the introduction of a big-headed John F. Kennedy mascot, who pulled a Tonya Harding on George Washington during last night’s race. While we’d kindly disagree with Dan Steinberg’s opinion that “there should be at least 41 or 42 racing presidents,” we do look forward to JFK’s potential participation in future President Races, which hopefully will feature JFK sailing by the other members of the race in a large schooner while making flip remarks as a oversized Marilyn Monroe hangs from his arm.

(UPDATE: The Nationals tell Steinberg that the Kennedy mascot will “not be joining the Mount Rushmore Four as the fifth Racing President.” Regardless, I still think the schooner idea has promise.)

It’s just never going to get any easier for poor Teddy, is it?