The District’s NPR outlet, WAMU, is currently asking its listeners for money — and given the frequency with which the station uses its airwaves to solicit donations, you may be considering tossing some cash their way. While helping to keep hard-working reporters at work and Diane Rehm’s voice on the Washington airwaves is arguably its own reward, we were curious about this year’s gifts — you know, the knicknacks that the station hands out. Do they stand up next to the PBS golf umbrella, the unanimous champion of the pledge drive giveaway? Let’s find out!

First of all, for any donation of $50 or more, you’ll receive a monthly newsletter and a $5 discount on CDs of WAMU programming. Meh.

Gift: WAMU 88.5 shopping bag
Donation Required: $60
Pros: This “Green Chico-brand bag green with new WAMU 88.5 logo in white”
Cons: It’s a tote bag, which, thanks to the bag tax, everyone in the District already has 12 of.
Grade: 1 Kojo.

Gift: A pair of WAMU 88.5 shopping bags
Donation Required: $100
Pros: Two is better than one!
Cons: Tote bags still only cost a couple bucks.
Grade: 2 Kojos.

Gift: WAMU Klean Kanteen
Donation Required: $120
Pros: Stainless steel and BPA-free!
Cons: Orange? Blech.
Grade: 2 Kojos.

Gift:WAMU Golf Umbrella
Donation Required: $150
Pros: Now we’re getting to the good stuff. This umbrella, featuring an “Extra Strength fiberglass shaft” and a “Unique windproof double canopy design” will be sure to keep you dry and really annoy everyone on the Metro when you accidentally unfold it during the morning rush.
Cons: Hell if I can find one!
Grade: 10 Kojos, baby.

Gift: WAMU Klean Kanteen and WAMU Golf Umbrella
Donation Required: $240
Pros: Kickass golf umbrella.
Cons: Ugly orange canteen.
Grade: Split the difference. 6 Kojos.

Gift: WAMU MemberCard
Donation Required: $120
Pros: 2-for-1 entrees at more than 200 area restaurants, and more than 8,000 restaurants across the country and 2-for-1 opportunities at area performances and attractions sounds nice. (Does it apply to beer?)
Cons: Seriously, no one under 53 is going to carry this thing with them, let alone use it.
Grade: 3 Kojos.

Gift: Insignia portable HD Radio receiver
Donation Required: $360
Pros: Perhaps the most logical entry on the list. It’s an NPR station giving away a radio. Makes sense.
Cons: Feels like a “1997 gift” to me.
Grade: 4 Kojos.

Gift: WAMU 88.5 Day Sponsorship
Donation Required: $500
Pros: “Donors who contribute $500 and greater are entitled to sponsor one day of programs on WAMU 88.5. The donor will receive three on-air credits on a single day. Donors may choose the date of their Day Sponsorship, provided other donors have not already reserved all available Day Sponsorship slots on that day. Messages may recognize a birthday, anniversary, graduation, special person, etc. They must conform to station guidelines and are available to individuals only — no business messages.” YES.
Cons: Something tells me that 98 percent of the messages DCist’s readers would want to put on-air wouldn’t comply with FCC regulations.
Grade: 8 Kojos.

Gift: WAMU 88.5 Leadership Circle
Donation Required: $1,000
Pros: You’re basically hailed as the messiah of public radio — with a private tour of the studio, a pair of day sponsorships, recognition in the station’s annual report and an invitation into the exclusive “Leadership Circle”. Oh, and you get a WAMU 88.5 pewter Microphone Pin! Tempting.
Cons: It’ll probably cost you at least one month’s worth of rent.
Grade: 6 Kojos.

Gift: Apple iPod Touch (32GB)
Donation Required: $1,800
Pros: Uh…
Cons: Seriously, WAMU? These things cost $300.
Grade: 0 Kojos.

So there you have it: based on our completely subjective ratings, the golf umbrella reigns supreme. But those of you who have the means could certainly do far worse than donating enough to earn a day sponsorship or membership in the Leadership Circle.