It’s easy to paint Ward 3 residents as a humorless bunch. But their representative on the D.C. Council has a knack for being a bit of a joker, bringing much-needed levity to tense civic situations.

Ahead of a vote this week on Mayor Vince Gray 2013 budget, Councilmember Mary Cheh (D-Ward 3) today released a spoof set of proposals on what can be done with city funds. The majority of the jokes play off on Cheh’s own legislative proposals, but some touch upon controversies she’s been involved in and the foibles of her colleagues.

Among Cheh’s ideas:

>> Use $12 million to create the “Cheh Rat Sanctuary,” a shelter where rats “will be able to live together in peace and without fear of being exterminated.” This idea is a direct reference to Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli’s odd contention that a new D.C. law prevents exterminators from killing rats and instead mandates that they be relocated outside of the city.

>> Use $25,000 to create a “new, state-of-the-art, customer queue management system” at the D.C. DMV. “All residents seeking DMV services will participate in mandatory BINGO games. When a patron achieves BINGO, s/he will become next in line for DMV services.”

>> Cheh clearly isn’t unaware of the council’s tendency to use dirty language, and she wants to monetize it: “Beginning October 1, 2012, Council Members who use profane language shall be required to deposit five cents into a special purpose non-lapsing fund, designated as the Saying Words Egregious to Aural Recipients by Juvenile Actors Reacting, or SWEAR JAR.”

>> In a jab at many of her own constituents, Cheh goes right after NIMBYs with a proposed “Resident Relocation Fund”: “Some residents simply are not well suited to live in a major city. They fear sidewalks, bicycles, traffic, noise, parking, and university dormitories. To address their growing list of concerns, we shall establish the Resident Relocation Fund, which will subsidize the costs of these folks moving outside of the District and include a complimentary municipal bond, untaxed, from the jurisdiction of the ex-resident’s choice.”

This certainly isn’t the first time that Cheh has poked fun at herself and her colleagues. Around this time in 2010, Cheh circulated a similar memo, proposing everything from a Starbucks inside the Wilson Building to the creation of a “Peeps Ceremonial Fund.”

The full memo is below:

2012