Photo by philliefan99

Last week, we told you all about 7-Eleven’s newest marketing ploy, a lower-calorie Slurpee designed for people who want to think they’re trimming down even as they continue to suck down artificially-enhanced ice capsules.

Unfortunately, on several recent attempts to try one of the new, “healthy” mango-flavored drinks at a 7-Eleven in Northwest D.C., we were stymied to find the diet Slurpee dispenser flashing the red warning light advising customers not to use the machine. A yank on the lever unleashed a stream of a sickly, orange mush that looked wholly unappetizing.

But perhaps the Slurpee contraption is functioning today, because 7-Eleven stores far and wide are handing out free Slurpees from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. (or until supplies run out or everyone’s brain hardens into an iced-over sugary boulder). And not just the diet kind—every variety, including full-sugar flavors like Coca-Cola, Fanta and weird blue Powerade are for the for the offering, and in 7.11-ounce-sized cups, no less.

As Gothamist reminded the world yesterday, a character in 1994 film Reality Bites called Slurpees “the most profound, important invention of my lifetime… you have your essential vitamins and nutrients for the entire day.” If you can’t take the nutritional advice of a self-defeating Gen X-er played by Winona Ryder, who can you trust?