Pity the poor Chicago Cubs. Thirty-one games out of first place, more than a century of failure, and forced to play the best team in the National League. Of course a four-game series with the Lovable Losers would be nothing but cushy record-padding for the Washington Nationals, who continue to surge as they drive toward their first postseason appearance in team history.

And that it was. The Nationals completed a sweep of the Cubs last night at Nationals Park in a game that saw their once-tepid bats unleash another punishing assault on the Cubs. Well, coming off the three preceding games—in which the Nats outscored Chicago by 15 runs—the Cubs were in no mood to find themselves down 7-2 in the bottom of the fifth inning.

During a break in play, Nationals third-base coach Bo Porter walked toward the visitors’ dugout and confronted Cubs bench coach Jamie Quirk, who was flapping his gums about losing to the Nationals again. The argument escalated after Porter appeared to brag something about the Nationals’ prowess compared to the relatively puny Cubs; Natitude knows no bounds, it appears.

Quirk hopped up the dugout steps, followed by the rest of his team. The Nationals emptied out of theirs, and for a few tense seconds it seemed a brawl between the ancient underachievers and the surging newcomers was imminent.

Alas, the fracas died down and the teams retreated to their dugouts and bullpens.

Bryce Harper led off for the Nationals in the bottom of the sixth inning. Harper, when he first arrived in the majors back in May, was something of a target for a few pitchers, most notably the Phillies’ Cole Hamels. But Harper, to his credit, doesn’t play that.

Cubs reliever Lendy Castillo, still raging from the previous inning’s dust-up, seamed a pitch so far inside that Harper was forced to jolt out of the way. And that’s when shit got real.

Both squads hustled back on the field and prepared for fisticuffs. Harper, visibly pissed, was restrained by Jayson Werth and Ryan Zimmerman.

Here’s the Post’s account of the blow-by-blow:

The commotion died down but near first base Cubs first baseman Anthony Rizzo put his hand on Nationals reliever Michael Gonzalez’s shoulder, possibly to make peace or to send him away. Gonzalez turned, pointing back at another Cubs player and shouting. Players converged again, bullpen coach Jim Lett rushing to pull Gonzalez back.

[Cubs catcher Steve] Clevenger pushed Nationals outfielder Michael Morse, which escalated the fight. Hitting coach Rick Eckstein could be seen holding reliever Sean Burnett back; other Nationals players pulled Morse and a heated Edwin Jackson back. Clevenger also seemed to reach out at Nationals shortstop Ian Desmond.

Clevenger and Manny Corpus of the Cubs were tossed from the game, as was Michael Gonzalez.

Deadspin called the brawl “anticlimactic,” and yeah, it kind of was. Then again, early September is the worst time to get in fights when you’re headed to the playoffs.

And as for the Cubs’ anemic fighting style? Chicagoist editor Chuck Sudo was hardly surprised.

“My first impression watching this was it was a flash mob of the Three Stooges’ Joe Besser years,” he says. “In true Cubs fashion, they couldn’t fully commit to a brawl.”

Whatever. The Natitude is raging right now, be it on the mound, at the plate or in your stupid fucking face. And, oh, right, the final score was 9-2.