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Slate attempted to disrupt the culinary and gift-giving conversations today when it published a takedown piece assailing the grapefruit. The bulky citruses, Katy Waldman writes, make for lousy breakfasts and even worse Christmas presents.

Despite its bevy of nutrients and service as a filling meal or provider of juice, the grapefruit deserves to die, Waldman argues:

Grapefruit is unwieldy, disgusting, and in some cases dangerous to eat. It is indisputably the worst fruit anyone has ever put on a plate.

Waldman will get no argument from us that grapefruits make for lousy gifts. If anything, they’re an expensive way to tell someone, “Hey, you’re a valuable business contact and I look forward to reviewing our investment portfolio in the new year.” Because if you’re willing to shell out $40 on four grapefruits from Harry & David, you deserve to be laughed at.

But if you’re the person receiving those fancy grapefruits, don’t get bummed out. Get excited! For starters, you’ll be able to snicker to your friends that some asshole just dropped $10 a specimen to send you some produce. You also get to eat it with a special serrated spoon. How awesome is that?

However, it’s Waldman’s dismissal of the most beneficial part of a grapefruit that has some D.C. mixologists upset with Slate’s article: the juice. Even though Waldman dismisses grapefruit juice as some nasty acid that squirts everywhere and makes even the steeliest imbiber pucker, grapefruit juice has a million uses.

“Grapefruits are used in a lot of drinks and cocktails,” says Eddie Kim a DCist contributor who tends bar at Room 11 in Columbia Heights. He offers quaffs like the Brown Derby, the Green Elevator, the Paloma and the Blinker, all of which call for healthy doses of grapefruit juice to help tart up the flavor. The Green Elevator, for instance, mixes grapefruit with lemon, Chartreuse and an egg white.

“These are all classics, but there are plenty modern drinks out there too,” Kim adds.

Julia Hurst, who works at The Passenger near Mount Vernon Square, was even more taken aback by Slate’s hit on this useful ingredient. “This is an outrage,” she writes in an email. “Grapefruits are fucking delicious.”

Though some might detest grapefruit juice on its own, Hurst says it’s actually a lot tamer than other citrus extracts. “Behind the bar, I reach for grapefruit when I want a more mellow citrus than the sharp lemon and lime,” she says.” She offers up recipes for drinks like the Bee’s Knees and a daiquiri favored by Ernest Hemingway.

There are also plenty of boozy innovations to be found, Hurst says. “One of my favorite new grapefruit cocktails comes from the New Orleans bar Cure, called As Wine Stands Time.” That one mixes grapefruit with rye, the apertif Bonal and the Italian bitter Cynar.

Here are some ways to make use of those grapefruits:
Blinker:
2 ounces rye whiskey
.75 ounces grapefruit juice
.5 ounces grenadine
Shake and strain into a chilled glass, and garnish with a brandied cherry.

Green Elevator:
1.5 ounces Green Chartreuse
.75 ounces grapefruit juice
.5 ounces lemon juice
1 egg white
Shake vigorously with ice and strain into a chilled glass.

Brown Derby:
2 ounces bourbon
.75 ounces grapefruit juice
.5 ounces honey syrup

Bee’s Knees:
2 ounces gin
.75 ounces grapefruit juice
.5 ounces 2:1 honey syrup

La Paloma:
2 ounces blanco tequila
1 ounce grapefruit juice
.5 ounces lime juice
.5 ounces simple syrup
soda

Hemingway Daiquiri:
1.5 ounces white rum
.75 ounces grapefruit juice
.5 ounces lime juice
.5 ounces maraschino liqueur

As Wine Stands Time:
.75 ounces Rittenhouse Rye
.75 ounces grapefruit juice
.75 ounces Bonal
.75 ounces Cynar