Via Shutterstock

Still sotting away your blues that the once-venerable magazine Newsweek now exists only as an online catalog of thoughtless ephemera? Well, Tina Brown hasn’t forgotten about you!

The Daily Beast commissioned a survey to determine which U.S. cities enjoy the most alcoholic drinks, and D.C. came in ninth. According to the study, which was conducted by Experian Marketing Services, the average adult resident of Washington consumes 15.6 drinks per month, or about one quaff every other day. But 14.5 percent of adults registered as binge drinkers, while 5 percent were counted as heavy drinkers.

The Centers for Disease Control defines a heavy drinker as one who consumes an average of two alcoholic beverages per day or more. Most cities included in the survey hovered between 4 and 7 percent of adults registering as heavy drinkers, though the rates of binge drinking varied widely. The combination of Hartford and New Haven, Conn. showed that only 3.6 percent of adults are heavy drinkers, but the binge-drinking rate 16.5 percent. Apparently, those Yalies are partying harder than we are.

Norfolk, Va., was ranked as the second-drunkest city, with 5.2 percent of adults counted as heavy drinkers and another 19.2 percent binging like a certain profession that is common in the Hampton Roads region.

The drunkest city? Boston, where 7.4 percent are heavy drinkers and 20.1 percent are binge drinkers. Presumably, Experian did not conduct its survey on Patriots’ Day; otherwise, the results would have been enough to drive one into booze-fueled shock.