Photo by Ivan K.

SADNESS IS A BLESSING: Valentine’s Day, amirite? OK, if you’re looking to get down and depressed about it, why not do so with the guidance of creative people with damaged souls. Jenn Tisdale and Andrew Bucket host “My Shriveled Black Heart” at The Dunes (1402 Meridian Place NW), featuring comedians, musicians, storytellers and other artists sharing their most horrific relationship experiences. At 8 p.m. Suggested donation $5.

DIE YOUNG STAY PRETTY: For some, Valentine’s Day is a time to get all swoon-y. For most, it’s a time to kick one’s own luck, complain about all the happy people, and tell some rotten stories. Preferably with jokes. Which may or may not be elicited at District Comedy’s open-mic at RFD (810 Seventh Street NW) at 8 p.m. Free.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONE? The wine bar Vinoteca (1940 11th Street NW) marks the day with segregated events for couples and singles. Couples get a tasting menu and sommelier-optimized beverage service, while singles are relegated to paying $60 for hors d’ouevres and awkwardness.

DANCING ON MY OWN: The Phillips Collection hosts dancers from CityDance, who will perform interpretive routines based on the museum’s new exhibit Angels, Demons, and Savages: Pollock, Ossorio, Dubuffet. Because it’s Valentine’s Day, the café at the Phillips Collection is also selling two cocktails for $13. As for the dance performance, that starts 7 p.m. Tickets $20, $8 for members.

ALL TIME LOWS: Actually, this set sounds like a lot of fun. Foul Swoops, who are always a blast, play Red Onion Records (1901 18th Street NW), along with Three Lolitas. Begins 7 p.m. Free.