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Did you just spend a few days with your parents, breaking matzoh and hearing about what a disappointment you’ve been because you haven’t finished that post-graduate degree? Well, a D.C. website has a contest for you!
There’s one catch. You have to be one of the chosen people. Well, chosen chosen people, that is.
Gather the Jews, a website that bills itself as a source of “hyperlocal Jewish news and events,” is running contests in which visitors can choose the Jewish guy and girl of the year. (The site’s operators do not say if by “year” they mean 2013 or 5773.) But all of the nominees are previous winners of Gather the Jews’ “Jewish Guy of the Week” and “Jewish Girl of the Week” contests.
Each of the nominees pages features brief interviews about their Jewishness. Shira N., for example, is asked to name the coolest Jew:
Roy Lichtenstein is by far the coolest Jew. I was so excited when I heard his exhibit will be featured in D.C. I have already seen it twice and anyone who hasn’t been should go, it’s free! Spike Mendelsohn is a close second. He is just so cool.
The nominees for “Jewish Guy of the Year,” meanwhile, are very eager to talk about their careers. One man, named Matt, talks about his engagement and his time in law school. So, basically, the same kind of idle banter one finds at the reception following Friday evening services, or freshman orientation at Brandeis.
Of course, there’s an inherent problem in asking people to vote for their favorite Jews. After all, according to our mothers, we’re all the best! Sure, there are the nagging issues of when we’re going to settle down or finish that master’s degree or get more bylines in The New York Times, but we’re all the best.
Also, one more thing: Gather the Jews is a really terrible thing to call a website about Jewish events and Jewish socializing. Most historical examples of Jews being gathered have not, in fact, been good for the Jews.
Editor’s note: The author is a 2006 graduate of Brandeis University, and he should probably to call his mother and explain that this post isn’t about her.
