Some people would have you think there’s a war on cars. Is there? Repeated studies show that the D.C. area has the nation’s worst traffic, and that 30 years from now, it might not be any better. If anything, those cars aren’t going anywhere. (Perhaps because they’ll all be stuck in an Interstate 66 bottleneck. Hey-o!) But seriously, more and more, the best way to get around this city and the surrounding area is self-propelled, and on two wheels. Whether for commuting, exercise, sight-seeing, or hardcore competition, there’s nothing quite like riding a bicycle, to say nothing of the fact that the motion of two wheels being guided by a single chain is a beautiful execution of Euclidian geometry. And while D.C.’s bike infrastructure still leaves a lot to be desired—M Street bike lane, filling in the divots on the 15th Street cycle track, staple racks only, please—there are a lot of great places to take your two-wheel ride.

Photo by Mr. T in DC

MOUNT VERNON TRAIL: Running along the Potomac, you can ride it from Georgetown, past Roosevelt Island, right by Gravelly Point (stop to wave at the planes), through Old Town Alexandria, and all the way up to George Washington’s former abode. It’s a beautiful trail through lush green spaces and there are lots of parks and spots to stop for a picnic. On the downside, it is popular and can get a little crowded in spots. Despite that, it’s a wonderful ride, full of nature and river views. —Elisabeth Grant

Photo by scorchedearth

FAIRFAX COUNTY TRAILS: Believe it or not, Fairfax County has some of the best bike rides around. The Lake Accotink Trail wraps around the park of the same name, offering pristine nature in the middle of rampant suburbia, while the Fountainhead trail in Springfield is great for mountain biking. —Angela Kleis

White’s Ferry (Photo by Mr. T in DC)

SCENIC SUBURBIA: Montgomery County may be known to many of us for its suburban developments stretching northwards away from the city, but a huge chunk of the county between I-270 and the Potomac River remains protected and largely undeveloped farmland—and a mecca for longer bike rides. Using Poolesville as your jumping-off point, you can ride to Sugarloaf Mountain, down to White’s Ferry (the last remaining ferry that crosses the Potomac; jump on with your bike to get to Leesburg) or merely explore the many small country roads winding through the rolling countryside. If you want a real challenge, start in Potomac and ride out River Road all the way to White’s Ferry—you’ll see the road change from major traffic artery into gravel road over the course of the trip. —Martin Austermuhle

Photo by gerdaindc

ADAMS MORGAN DRUNK RIDE: Did you bike out to the trapezoid of iniquity, only to get lost in the pleasures of the Devil’s playground? How are you going to roll home now? Slowly, carefully, and on two wheels. You might not remember what exact route you took, but take it nice and easy, and you’ll stumble into your kitchen the next morning to find your bike sitting there, maybe even with your headlight still blinking because you were too drunk to forget to switch it off. Pro tip: If you’re headed eastbound on Columbia Road NW, stop off at Doner Bistro and get some meat and fries to mop up all that booze. —Benjamin R. Freed

Photo by Brian Knight

CENTURY LOOP: My favorite is the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal to White’s Ferry and back on the Washington and Old Dominion Trail. It’s almost 100 miles so can be a long day, or you can camp on the C&O midway and make it a weekend. —Shane Farthing

Shane Farthing is the executive director of the Washington Area Bicyclist Association.

Photo by Alicia Griffin

PEREGRINE PEREGRINATION: Start at the Peregrine Espresso’s original Eastern Market location. Drink some coffee. Ride down Pennsylvania Avenue (or 7th and C streets) to 6th Street SE and ride 6th through the Hill, past H Street NE and across Florida Avenue to Union Market. Drink some more coffee. From there ride 6th (bike lanes!) to L Street NE to First Street NE to M Street NE to the Met Branch Trail (or take Florida Avenue, which is more direct but 20 times as harrowing). Take that to R Street and ride west on R to 14th, turn right and stop at your last Peregrine for more coffee. FUN FACT: this ride can be done in reverse. Ride Q instead of R and 4th instead of 6th. Have I done this ride? Nope. Well, not intentionally. But it seems fun and gimmicky and coffee is good, so that’s a thing. Now I’m sort of pondering a Taylor Gourmet ride, but coffee is a little easier on you than meatball sandwiches. —Brian McEntee

Photo by Diane Pappafotis

QUARTER CENTURY LOOP: Options for long bike rides—challenging or leisurely—are plentiful around here, especially in the suburbs. But my default ride keeps me mostly in the District while offering nice views and just enough ups and downs to make it a decent workout. Barrel into Rock Creek Park from Park Road NW (Tilden Street for speed junkies or west side residents) and head up to Beach Drive, which is closed to cars on weekends. Take it to the top of the park and into Chevy Chase, Md. You can follow the trail as it winds through Montgomery County, or you can split off at Jones Mill Road and meet the Capital Crescent Trail. The CCT is a bit gravely in Maryland, and with the weather turning gets a bit more crowded around Bethesda, but it’s a gentle, rolling ride back down to Georgetown. Between Beach Drive and the Crescent is a solid 20 miles. Add in whatever distance you are from home, and you’re probably looking at at least a solid 25. —Benjamin R. Freed

Photo by Pablo Benavente

RHODE ISLAND FROGGER: Rhode Island Avenue is the fastest and most direct route between my home in Ward 5 and downtown D.C., and for that I adore it. However, due to an almost complete lack of bike infrastructure and heavy traffic during rush hour, it’s barely usable unless I’m traveling obscenely early on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Would a cycletrack be too much to ask? The median that runs through much of the corridor looks like it’s just dying to be converted. —Rebecca Mills

Not the actual Goon Ride, but these motherfuckers are trying to keep up. (Photo by Ryan Gregor)

TRY AND KEEP UP, MOTHERFUCKERS: You’ve got a helmet, a bell and brightly colored vest so that motorists see you. Good—now try and keep up, motherfucker. The Tuesday afternoon Goon Ride through Rock Creek Park isn’t a Tweed ride, it isn’t a bike party and it sure as hell isn’t for newbies riding Capital Bikeshare. It’s a 25-mile race-pace rush down Beach Drive towards D.C. and back up towards the Mormon Temple; speeds easily approach 30 miles and hour, and the group—often exceeding 60 riders at a time—wants to make it hurt equally for everyone. There’s no “on your left” (don’t even think of ringing that bell), there are no hand signals and there’s little glory other than surviving. It’s a total rush, though—provided you keep up, motherfucker. —Martin Austermuhle

The Goon Ride departs from the intersection of Beach Drive and Garrett Park Road in North Kensington every Tuesday at 6 p.m.