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John B. Townsend II, the spokesman for AAA Mid-Atlantic, is the lead character in today’s Washington City Paper cover story, which aims to strike down that D.C.’s cyclists, planners, and urbanist bloggers are waging a “war on cars.” In fact, most of the bellicosity appears to be coming from Townsend, who says some pretty remarkable things in the article, especially when it comes to Greater Greater Washington honcho David Alpert.

Now, we don’t always agree with Alpert’s aims or methods, but in Aaron Wiener’s article, Townsend seems downright unhinged when it comes to the topic of the District’s favorite—or at least most active—urbanist blogger.

On Alpert writ large, Townsend has this to say:

“He is a nerd,” Townsend says. “I think that he’s developmentally retarded.”

On Alpert’s apparent reticence to speak in public about his beliefs:

Townsend believes that Alpert dishes out criticism from the protected space of his blog that he wouldn’t dare speak in person. “It’s almost like the Klan hiding behind the white masks,” Townsend says.

For the record, here’s a D.C. Council record of Alpert testifying at a hearing on a nomination to the District’s Historic Preservation Review Board, one of many appearances Alpert has made at the John A. Wilson Building.

And on Alpert’s fortitude, Townsend says:

AAA doesn’t respond to Alpert, Townsend says, because he’s “not worthy” and it would be “like shooting a gnat with a bazooka,” but Townsend himself is not above lashing out at Alpert. “I’ve told him to his face, ‘You’re a little ninny,’ and he ran out the room like a schoolboy,” Townsend says.

Well, OK. We’ve never challenged Alpert to a duel or a fight, but in the very next paragraph, Alpert recounts his decision to walk away from someone calling him a ninny as a way to avoid getting in a brawl. Seems smart.

Further down in the article, we learn that Townsend, despite being the voice of the auto club, isn’t much of a driver:

He runs a red light in front of Union Station—he claims he just missed the yellow, but it really wasn’t close—and nearly gets in an accident. He gets turned around on Capitol Hill and drives in a big circle while trying to find I-295. And he seems a little paranoid of the speed cameras he regularly assails, sometimes driving more than 10 miles an hour under the speed limit and annoying nearby drivers.

The sloppy driving is unsettling, but not altogether shocking. Townsend does commute to his job from Mitchellville, Md. But the quotes about Alpert—calling him “retarded” and comparing his blogging to a Ku Klux Klan outfit—are extreme. DCist called AAA Mid-Atlantic to ask if Townsend stands by those statements now that they’re out in print, but was told Townsend was unavailable.