The future Van Squigglebottoms?

A D.C. couple wants to raise $1 million for Oxfam to help alleviate extreme poverty. What will they do if they reach that goal by the end of the year? Change their last name to Van Squigglebottoms, naturally.

Jessica and Jeff, a married couple with different last names who live in Dupont Circle, launched the campaign through Oxfam America this week. Jessica said they are keeping their last names secret until the campaign reaches $500,000, but added, “Neither last name is nearly as cool as Van Squigglebottoms.”

While the cause may be worthy, legally becoming a Van Squigglebottoms seems like an extreme move that perhaps not everyone would understand. But according to Jessica, the reactions have been positive.

“We’ve enjoyed people’s reactions,” Jessica said via email. “A friend donated because she wants to see our driver’s licenses read Van Squigglebottoms (will it even fit?).”

Jessica, who is a lawyer, said another friend suggested the name deserved a family crest, which they will indeed create.

In the end, Jessica and Jeff are committed to the campaign, which they say will help save lives.

“Children are dying needlessly,” Jessica said when asked why the couple picked Oxfam. “In this recent recording, [Princeton professor and moral philosopher] Peter Singer explains the scale of the problem. Every day, he says, the number of children who die preventable deaths would fill a stadium. If that were on the news — that a stadium of children were certain to die if no one acted — then surely, we would all clamor to save their lives. But they live in villages and cities instead. In my mind, that makes no difference — we should be acting now. Oxfam is an effective force to alleviate extreme poverty. The money we’re raising will save lives and reduce suffering.”

“Besides, we love the name Van Squigglebottoms,” she added. “People light up when you tell them that name. (OK, OK, so some crack up — but that’s good too!) When we raise $1 million, we’ll take the Van Squigglebottoms name with pride.”

The campaign, which ends on December 31 of this year, has raised $1,160 thus far. Interested parties can follow Jessica’s and Jeff’s journey to becoming the Van Squigglebottomses on Twitter and Facebook.