Via HBO.

The secret is out: Selina Meyer is running for President of the United States. “Alicia,” the third episode of Veep’s third season follows the day of Selina’s candidacy announcement and things are, predictably, pretty tense for Team Meyer.

Amy recruits a local activist, Alicia, who’s advocating for universal child care, to be one of the Veep’s “VIP” people at her side when she makes her announcement. But the question as to whether or not she’ll actually be there when the cameras roll remains to be seen. Selina’s getting pressure from her party’s senior members to not mention child care in her campaign speech, because it’ll spook the elderly voters. As a result, Mike is tasked with telling Alicia and her adorable daughter that they won’t be up there at the Veep’s side, which goes as terrible as you’d expect. Poor Mike.

Meanwhile, Dan is dealing with an SNL crisis after they parody Selina in a sketch, Jonah is struggling to be taken seriously as a journalist, and—hey look!—Catherine makes an appearance! To the power rankings!

1. Senator Andrew Doyle/Congressional Party

After learning that Selina’s going to be mentioning universal childcare in her campaign speech, Senator Doyle, speaking as a representative for the senior members of the Congressional party, threatens to boycott her speech if she includes it, instead of appealing to senior citizens. As Selina says, Doyle and the party “have a hand up her ass,” controlling her like a puppet.

2. Selina

Still, despite getting jerked around by Doyle on universal childcare, she manages to manipulate him with Alicia’s cute daughter and she gets to sneak in a line or two about universal childcare. Don’t think that won’t come back to bite Selina in the ass later.

3. Amy

It was a kind of weak episode for Amy, which mostly found her running around trying to accommodate whatever Selina’s latest changes are. She did, however, fare better than Dan this week.

4. Dan

Last night’s subplot, which hit a nine on Ben’s “Sphincter Scale,” finds Dan cursing out a number of SNL staffers after they run a sketch portraying Selina as a spoiled young girl with a horse. After insulting his way to the top brass, Lorne Michaels, Selina jumps on the phone and tells Lorne that she’ll just appear in the next sketch, “owning” the joke, which Dan first suggested. Man, it must be maddening to always be right, like Dan.

5. Catherine

Since she only appears on the show every so often, it’s easy to forget just how miserable Catherine’s life is/always has been. This episode was a pretty good reminder.

6. Gary

Gary: forever trying to be taken seriously. It’s always a treat to see him try and get angry.

7. Jonah

Seriously, the Jonah schadenfreude this season has been cranked up to 11. I loved how even as a “journalist,” everyone knows that Jonah is a joke, even Alicia, who makes that assessment .5 seconds after meeting him for the first time.

8. Mike

Oh how the mighty have fallen. I put Mike at the top of the rankings last week as he was still in newlywed/honeymoon bliss, seemingly unfazed by the craziness caused by POTUS’s abortion statements. This week, Mike gets himself into such deep shit after calling Alicia a cow (“I’m trying to help you, you stupid cow!”), that he’s left begging Jonah not to run a story about it. Oof.

9. Anacostia

Last night’s episode opens with Jonah tracking down Alicia in Anacostia to try and interview her for a story. Of course, it’s not actually Anacostia, it’s clearly Baltimore. This fucking Town.

Via HBO.

Quotes, quips, and other observations:

• Man, Armando Iannucci’s insults are next-level this season: “Amy, what is this bushel of fuck talking about?”- Ben
• And on that note, I think Ben is quickly becoming my new favorite character. His “I don’t give a shit” attitude is really shining through this season. Ben for President!
• Jonah: “I’m a real storyteller and I want to tell real stories. I’m like John Steinbeck in that regard…or Denzel Washington”
• Selina: “Children are vital, Kenny Rogers. We’re not all going to die alone like you.”
• Could a potential romance be brewing between Kent and Sue? It’s been clear since the first episode that Kent is very much interested in Sue, but this is the first episode where she seems receptive to it.
• Selina: “Are you kidding me, Dan? If somebody takes a shit in your car, what are you going to do? You gonna drop your trou and take a crap through the sun roof? I don’t think so.”
• Selina: “And what were you bobble heads doing while I was just getting ear fucked by Father Time?”
• Mike: “It’s not bad, it’s homey and friendly! I love you baby, you’re a cow.”
• Leon: “Jonah, you are the dick that keeps on giving.”