Photo by Victoria Pickering.

Attention future leaders of America: pay attention because the internship of a lifetime is looking for you (yes, you).

The House of Representatives’ “most unique and courageous conservative” is looking for a few “smart, happy interns” to help out in the office. As Roll Call first reported, that House Member is outgoing Texas Rep. Steve Stockman.

But, if you’re worried about being an unpaid intern doing grunt work for a mean, ungrateful House Representative who will, at best, ignore you and, at worst, yell and belittle you, fear not, this one insists he/she is “not a joke.”

This House Member “neither loathes nor avoids interns, but loves them, and actually speaks to them.” But look, potential intern, this House Member isn’t looking for a typical bullshit intern, a “standard boring resume and canned cover letter” will not do and writing samples are encouraged because “even a short cover letter belies and betrays a lousy writer.” Remember, potential intern “brevity is the soul of wit.”

It also should be noted that your “personality and ideology are important.” If you’re a “true [patriot]” and “can count up to 17 in trillions,” then apply, but if you’re a “vapid [granola] who [fears] guns, [hates] babies, [is] ashamed of America, and think Islamic terrorists and illegal aliens are just misunderstood,” then GTFO.

The full ad is below:

The House’s most unique and courageous conservative seeks smart, happy interns (of all ages and backgrounds) for the remainder of the year. Alas, we cannot pay you. Schedules and start/end dates are negotiable if you’re worth it. We do not insist on specific, arbitrary submissions: send us whatever personal materials you think will give us reason to hire you, even if that’s just a standard boring resume and canned cover letter. Writing samples are encouraged, but not required, because even a short cover letter belies and betrays a lousy writer. Brevity is the soul of wit.

This Member is not a jerk, and neither loathes nor avoids interns, but loves them, and actually speaks to them. If you are selected for this internship you will have extraordinary access to the Member and to meaningful projects that go well beyond the standard intern grunt work (or your money back).

Personality and ideology are important. Please bring a confident, vigorous intellect and no drama. Ideal candidates will be true patriots who can count up to 17 in trillions, and care more about future generations than they do about sucking up to current leadership. Mushy pleasers/appeasers keep walkin’. HINT: vapid granolas who fear guns, hate babies, are ashamed of America, and think Islamic terrorists and illegal aliens are just misunderstood will not be comfortable here. Reply to: kim.tape@mail.house.gov.

Remember, candidate, brevity is the soul of wit.