By DCist staff and contributors
Halloween is next weekend, which means you’re probably going to spend the weekend frantically trying to gather materials for a last-minute costume. If you’re still looking for ideas for a costume that only people in D.C. will get, well, you’re in luck. We present to you the second DCist guide to D.C.-centric Halloween costumes.
Photo by number7cloud.
Jayson Werth Garden Gnome
Look, there’s a number of Washington Nationals-centric costumes you can be, but this is probably the one that’s least likely to conjure up the heartbreak of postseason for Nats fans. Instead, dress up as the Jayson Werth Garden Gnome that caused great commotion among Nats fans this season. Bonus if you can somehow cause a commuting nightmare on Metro with your costume.
Bike Terrorist/Bully
This costume, inspired by Courtland Milloy’s July column for the Post, is a little tricky, if you want to go the bike terrorist route without looking like a racist jerk/actual threat to security. Instead, rip the sleeves off a Lycra bike jersey, slap on a helmet and barrel through any crowd you encounter screaming, “I’m a cyclist! Out of my way!”
Aggressive PoPville Jogger
Last month, an unsuspecting PoPville reader was terrorized—terrorized!—by an aggressive jogger in Dupont Circle who “assaulted” her by “purposely body [slamming her] in the shoulder with a lot of force.” You, too, can terrorize fellow partygoers this Halloween by dressing up as a fitness guru and just go around body-slamming people. Bonus points if someone writes to PoPville about the experience.
Upside-down D.C. Flag
With the election just days after Halloween, what more of a topical costume then dressing dressing up as the D.C. Board of Elections’ huge, forehead-slapping blunder? This costume can either be a Voter Guide with an upside-down flag, or, for the more simply, just screen print an upside-down D.C. flag on a plain white tee-shirt. When people ask about it, just tell them it was meant to be upside-down.
Bad Nationals Fan
Dress up in your best Nats gear and then leave the party early because you’re A) too cold, B) need to relieve the babysitter, or C) [insert excuse here].
At-Large Council Candidate
With 15 candidates vying for two seats in this year’s At-Large Council race, you don’t even really have to dress up, just tell people you’re a candidate. Hell, they probably won’t even think it’s a costume and you might even get some write-in votes out of it.
Via Shutterstock.
Bruncher
Brunch is dead. Long live brunch. Dress as one of the most annoyingly contentious cultural debates by carrying around a mimosa and, for ladies, wear leggings, a crop top, and a floppy hat. Dudes, just wear some sort of preppy plaid shirt, sunglasses, and a smug sense of self-aggrandizement.
Bitches Who Brunch
Sorry, Pablo Maurer and Matt Cohen have dibs on this costume.
Photo by Bryan McGannon.
Snowy Owl Angel
D.C.’s beloved snowy owl, first spotted downtown in January, survived being hit by a bus only to be rehabilitated and killed by a vehicle in Minnesota. To honor her legacy, cover a shirt or sweater in white feathers and add a halo to become a snowy owl angel. You could also go the zombie route.
Photoshop by Ryan Ford.RG3PO
With the amount of leg injuries Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III has sustained, we wouldn’t be surprised to see him walking like human-cyborg relations robot C3PO by the next decade. Perhaps it’d be a prophetic, if not totally humorous, costume to dress as CP30 wearing an RGIII jersey.
Scared Dulles Passenger
Yes, you are going to see a lot of Ebola costumes this Halloween, many of which will be awful. But why not poke fun at America’s panic and dress like a passenger at Dulles who apparently protected herself with a rain poncho, gloves and mask? The more makeshift the suit the better.
The “Chipotle” of Halloween Costumes
D.C. has a lot of various “Chipotle”-like eateries. &pizza is the Chipotle of pizza places. Shophouse is the Chipotle of pan-Asian food. Cava is the Chipotle of Mediterranean food. Our best advice for you this Halloween is to take that mentality and create the “Chipotle” of Halloween costumes. Basically, just throw little bits of whatever this season’s hottest, most topical costumes are and, well, boom! You’re trendy!
U Street Taco
This one comes courtesy of DCist Contributor Valerie Paschall. Dress as an ode to D.C.’s grossest drunk snack by custom making your own jumbo slice costume with a half-smoke from Ben’s Chili Bowl inside. Unsure how you’ll do it, but you’re a creative person! Figure it out.
Photo by Mehgan Murphy, Smithsonian’s National Zoo.
Rusty in Mourning
Last year, one of our suggestions—which contributor Valerie Paschall dressed up as—was everyone’s favorite red panda escape artist Rusty. Unfortunately, Rusty’s mate—and mother of his children—Shama passed away this year. Dressing as a sad Rusty in all black is the only proper, appropriate way to dress as Rusty this year, if you must.
Supermoon
Just wear an obnoxiously big and bright moon costume, or just wear a body suit and cut out the butt. Bonus if you can get photographers with long-focus lenses to continually snap photos of you in front of D.C. landmarks.
Vox Explainer Card
Another contribution from Valerie. You don’t even really need to dress up, just Voxplain Halloween or whatever situation you’re currently in to the people around you.
Via Netflix.
Flattened Zoe Barnes
Be the unstoppably scrappy journalist from House of Cards who learned the hard way that even the most powerful people in this city can be undone by Metro. Wear a variation on the “Flat Stanley” costume; simply prop some sexy but drab clothes on a human-shaped cardboard cut-out and hide your shamefully 3D body behind it. Extra points for realism/sadness for painting on some train track marks over the clothes.
