Via Universal Pictures.

Via Universal Pictures.

The thesis of music journalist Simon Reynolds’ 2011 book Retromania goes a little something like this: we’re in an era of nostalgia fetishization. Though the book primarily focuses on pop music’s addiction to its own past—look no further than the avalanche of ’80s and ’90s reunions, commemorations, reissues, reformations and revivals in the past five years—the same can easily be applied to Hollywood, where it seems every other movie is a remake, reboot, sequel, or adaptation.

Enter Jurassic World the fourth film in the Jurassic Park franchise and a direct sequel to Steven Spielberg’s 1993 classic that started it all. It’s been nearly 15 years since the horrendously bland Jurassic Park III, which means the creative minds in charge of the franchise had more than a decade to figure out how to pull off another sequel. Unfortunately, that time was seemingly spent trying to out-spectacle the spectacle of the first film—and cram it full of as much nostalgia as humanly possible—that they forgot to, you know, make a coherent, sensible film. It’s as if the film’s producers were so preoccupied with whether or not they could make another Jurassic Park film, they didn’t stop to think if they should. The answer, as it turns out, is as clear as a Tyrannosaurus Rex in San Diego: they shouldn’t have.

22 years after the events of Jurassic Park, John Hammond’s dream has been fully realized, and then some: Jurassic World is a fully functioning, wildly successful park. So successful, in fact, that people are starting to get bored with the mere spectacle of dinosaurs. At least, that’s what the most recent park census data says to Operations Manager Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard). Which is why her boss, Simon Masrani (Irrfan Khan), tasks head geneticist Henry Wu (B.D. Wong, the only original cast member returning from the first film) to genetically create a new dinosaur, the Indominus Rex, which is as terrible and deadly of an idea as it sounds.

Naturally, the timing of Claire’s nephews—Zach and Gray (Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins)—visit could not be worse: they’re roaming around the park unattended right when the Indominus cleverly breaks out of its enclosure. Fortunately, Velociraptor trainer/sole voice of reason Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) is here to help save the day and tell pretty much every other character in the film how dumb they are. As Owen and Claire search for her nephews, the Indominus Rex wreaks havoc on the park, killing everyone and everything it comes into contact with and unraveling Hammond’s vision in a matter of hours.

Via Universal Pictures.

A few months ago, after one of the first clips for the film dropped, Joss Whedon criticized it for being “’70s-era sexist.” At the time, it seemed unfair to judge an entire film from just one 30-second clip, but Whedon could not have been more accurate. It’s hard to believe that Jurassic World’s script—which was written by Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, Derek Connolly, and director Colin Trevorrow—had four writers, because not one character has more than one dimension. Claire is written as an uptight workaholic without any empathy or realistic grasp on reality that it’s as if she was written as a spoof of a Strong Female Lead.

Pratt pulls off the sarcastic Manly Male Lead effortlessly, which just makes Howard’s role all the more frustrating. Moreover, Vincent D’Onofrio, B.D. Wong, and Irrfan Khan all slide into their Mustache-Twirling Villain, Mad Scientist, and Carefree Billionaire roles, respectively, so blatantly, it’s as if they’re in a Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movie.

But what’s most frustrating about Jurassic World is that the DNA of a decent film is wholly present. The overarching premise that people are so bored of the spectacle of dinosaurs that they need to create something bigger, fiercer, and toothier to win people over is an interesting meta-commentary on today’s culture to use a thesis. Unfortunately, the screenwriters fell victim to their own premise, trying too hard to make a grand spectacle—much like the first film—that they neglected basic storytelling.

Trevorrow—making the leap from indie filmmaking to the big times—exhibits visual mastery of Spielbergian proportions. Grand, sweeping shots of the completed and functional Jurassic World are as awe-inspiring as some of Spielberg’s shots in Jurassic Park, and all of the dino action sequences are popcorn fodder of the best kind. But when put in context of the sheer blandness of the rest of the film, it’s useless.

Jurassic World
Directed by Colin Trevorrow
Written by Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, Derek Connolly, and Colin Trevorrow.
With Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Irrfan Khan, B.D. Wong, Nick Robinson, Ty Simpkins, Vincent D’Onofrio, and Omar Sy.
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of science-fiction violence and peril
Running time 124 minutes
Opens today at theaters everywhere