Prince performs onstage during the ‘HitnRun’ tour at The Fox Theatre on April 9, 2015 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images for NPG Records 2015)

Prince is coming to D.C. this weekend. But then if that is news to you, you almost certainly aren’t going to see him.

Tickets to the two Sunday shows at the Warner Theatre went on sale at noon yesterday, and they were snapped up in about as much time as you’d expect.

And while the Post reports that there are rumors of a planned third show, it would be for White House VIPs.

“Sorry, no tickets match your search” so Prince DC show sold out in 10 seconds, @LiveNation make sure those scalpers gouge more than you do

— Adam McGinnis (@adammcginnis) June 11, 2015

Of course, here is where our friendly extortionists come in.

There are nearly 400 tickets available for the two shows on StubHub. The absolute cheapest are $215—for seats that are almost as far back as one can get at the Warner Theatre. At the other end of the spectrum, some enterprising soul monster is selling pit tickets for $5,000. No, that isn’t an extra zero ($500 would only get you to the mid-balcony).

There are a handful of people offering tickets at face value on Craigslist, but most of the sellers seem to me making a buck off their LiveNation luck, with postings asking for $370, $450, even $700.

Perhaps we can suggest some other things for you to do this weekend?