(Photo by Rachel Kaufman.)
As soon as a chill hits the air, we’ve been taught to seek the Fall Experience. It’s time to head to the pumpkin patch dressed in a cozy sweater and leggings with a seasonally appropriate print, clutching a steaming mug of apple cider as you pick out the perfect gourd for your Instagram photos.
Eff that, we say. Instead, smash the pumpkins by firing them at giant robots.
Enter Lawyer’s Farm, which may have the most ironic name of any farm I have ever heard given the probable insurance risks with two homemade pumpkin cannons (one of which appears to be built out of an U.S. Army tank). Didn’t you hear that Delaware had to cancel its “Punkin Chunkin” contest for the second year running because they couldn’t find insurance? The organizers of that should consider moving to Maryland, because apparently anything goes in the “Free State.” Didn’t you hear we’re in yet another pumpkin shortage this year?
At any rate, $7 gets an adult into the farm, and pumpkin cannon tickets are a bit extra. A helper loads a pumpkin into the gun, but the rest is up to you. Aim and pull the trigger, hopefully hitting one of the targets, which are homemade giant robots made out of cars that look suspiciously like please-don’t-sue-us versions of name-brand Transformers.
Kids (and some adults) kind of suck at aiming, but even if the pumpkin goes sailing past the targets and smashes in a field, it’s pretty badass. Supposedly, these gourds reach up to 75 miles per hour, so the resulting explosion is going to be impressive no matter what you hit. The smaller cannon has a small scope, so if smashing Bumblebee in the face is important to you, use that one.
After you’ve had your fill of wasting perfectly good pumpkins, Lawyer’s Farm has more attractions. For kids, there’s an indoor area with “go-carts” (pedal-powered), a rabbit hutch with two fairly boring rabbits, and an entire McDonalds’ Playland-style jungle gym made mostly out of hay, which is pretty sweet. Of course there’re hayrides and a pumpkin patch (pretty well picked over by this point in the season, though). There are also more than 6 miles of corn maze, including one in the shape of Gov. Larry Hogan’s head. The sound of the pumpkin cannons is clearly audible from within the maze, and the hulking robots loom over you, making the maze less “Children of the Corn” and more “Mad Max: Midwestern Edition.” Also, they give you a map, because 6 miles of corn maze is no joke.
There’s food on site of the pulled-pork sandwich and fries variety. For slightly more options, get yourself over to a.k.a. Friscos in an industrial neighborhood on Frederick’s south side. They have salads and a huge selection of sandwiches. Another bonus: Friscos is basically next to Flying Dog, which recently separated its tastings from its tours, so you don’t need a reservation to have a pint or a flight. In fact, better idea: have the beer first and then have someone drive you back to Lawyer’s for some drunken punkin chunkin. You’re welcome.
Admission to Lawyer’s Farm costs $7 adults amd $3 children. To fire the pumpkin cannons, two shots cost $6, and four shots will run you $10. The farm closes November 1, so hurry.
