In D.C., you can walk to end Lupus, Alzheimer’s, AIDS, breast cancer, and genocide. So many 5ks, so little drawer space left for event t-shirts. This weekend, though, one event stood out from the philanthropic calendar; its attendees swapped water bottles for beer and let eight men do the strutting for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. God bless ‘em.

The Dad Bod Pageant, hosted at Acre 121 by husband and wife duo Vanessa and Neal McDonald, was created as part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Man & Woman of the Year campaign (Mrs. McDonald, a marketing manager at Washingtonian, is a candidate for the honor this year).

If you didn’t see what they pulled off in Columbia Heights on Saturday night, you didn’t miss out on much—aside from approximately 1,500 pounds of man candy. It was a cause for hooting, hollering, and yawning. Long breaks ushered in the tedium as attendees waited for the evening to move forward.

The well-rounded competition featured eight contestants, ranging in age (24 to 34) and dad bodliness (slightly soft to full-on beer belly). Ultimately, 32-year-old Gordon took home the title of “Best Dad Bod,” winning the pageant by just two points. After being crowned with a beer helmet, Gordon told DCist how he got there: he’s been friends with organizer Vanessa McDonald for years. “She might have asked me when I was drunk and I regretted it later, but I’m glad I’m still here,” he says.

With strong, sculpted arms and thick thighs, accented by the signature abdominal curve, the man who rocks a dad bod is a dude who—like his stomach—can hang. A dad bad connotes confidence and acceptance. It says, “I am a man who, despite graduating from college years ago, will dominate the beer pong table at your cookout.” Having a dad bod wordlessly communicates to your companion that yes, Jumbo Slice can happen tonight, and yes, she can have her own.

Gordon says he doesn’t regret coming, just signing up. “It was just the energy involved,” he says. “I’m 32 now. I’m kind of old. I’m tired all the time.” However, 32 is a ripe age for developing an enviable dad bod. Gordon attributes his to “hard work on and off the field, a lot of eating, [and] a little bit of going to the gym.”

Other competitors maintaining that fine line included Grant, 24, who chose to dress golf course chic in a red baseball cap and floral pants for the “casualwear” section; Jake, 30, (single!) whose Winnie the Pooh-inspired pick-up line would make readers uncomfortable; and Jeremy, 30, who introduced himself as a political candidate with a “Vote Dad Bod” sign.

Only one Dad Bod Pageant contestant actually has kids at home from whom he can steal gummy snacks and lunch box-portioned packs of Nabisco cookies. Billy McMorris, 30, donned a suit vest, purple tie, jorts, and brown leather shoes for the casualwear section, during which the “writer and competitive sitter” revealed that he deserves to win because, “I’m the only actual dad in the competition.”

There was also a karaoke-loving high school teacher in a purple bowtie, who chose jorts for the “swimwear” section and a white v-neck and sweatpants as his “casualwear.” With wild black curls on both his head and chest, Adam Engel, 25, looks like he’d make a good “mensch of the month” in a JDate calendar.

He describes his physique as “Didn’t feel like working out for the last six weeks.” To maintain his perfectly proportioned pudge, Engel says, “I hit the 11,000 steps on my Fitbit, and then lie down.”

Eric Campbell, 31, says he follows a high-rep, high-volume fitness regimen. “You know what, I can fit one more slice of pizza in my mouth,” he says. “I can have that last donut. You know what, is that an extra beer? By golly, I’m going to do my darndest.”

Eight years ago, the wife of one of Campbell’s fraternity bothers* was diagnosed with leukemia and received a transplant through The Bone Marrow Foundation. If flaunting what he’s got in a low country BBQ joint can help support a charity he cares about, he says, “to paraphrase the French, why the hell not?”

Soft of body and hard of hearing (he spoke with DCist on the patio where the ambient sound was quieter), Campbell impressed attendees with his ASL pickup lines. Sent shirtless into the crowd following the swimwear portion of the pageant, the statuesque hottie collected more donations from audience members than his competitors, earning himself pizza and a growler of beer.

Festive and flabulous, the contestants cut through the audience like a knife through extra butter. Some dollars wound up tucked into the waists of their swim trunks, for a total of $350 in additional donations, according to organizers. Neal McDonald estimates at least $1000 was collected at the door, where there was a suggested $10 donation.

(Photo by Lauren Landau)

D.C. residents Eleni Alafoginis, 27, and Rachel Luxenburg, 26, (accidentally) arrived early, and were able to snag two seats, which they later abandoned during an extended break. Alafoginis is a “huge fan” of the evening’s cause celebre, and says her online dating profile once said “Dad bods in, cargo shorts out.”

“You know the dad bod is kind of a funny phenomenon, and when we heard this was happening we kind of had to come and check it out,” she says. “Nothing this interesting and equally hilarious goes on on the reg in D.C.”

“I would define the dad bod as someone who takes care of themselves but isn’t too muscular,” Alafoginis says, “It shouldn’t be attractive, but it is.”

Luxenburg adds, “I think it’s pretty standard post-college, like I’m working out, but…” She trails off.

“Dad bod isn’t really necessarily something to aspire to get to,” says Patrick Haurie, 23, who came with his mom and sister. “Everyone is obviously going to want something like a six-pack abs, but that’s infeasible.”

Haurie says he came out to support his friend, Eric Campbell. They play kickball together, an ideal sport for curating a dad bod. “Very minor sprinting, three hours of drinking at the end, you know,” Haurie says.

Contestant Adam Engel says he thinks the dad bod trend is actually kind of awful. “It’s great that they’re popularizing the not-so-fit man’s body, but why the hell can’t a not-so-fit female also be cool?”

Speaking of which, when is mom bod going to be a thing?

“Let’s celebrate the six-week-haven’t-worked-out-females as well,” Engel says. Yes, let’s!

While you’re waiting for someone to organize the Mom Bod Pageant, feel free to donate to Vanessa McDonald’s team. Every dollar fights cancer and body norms.

“They’re doing really important work, and 84 cents of every dollar of the money you raise through this campaign goes directly to research,” she says. Her team name is “A Cure is ‘Vanessa’sary.”

*This post has been updated to clarify Campbell’s relationship to a relation with leukemia.