(Photo by Jennifer Walsh, courtesy of the Maryland Renaissance Festival)

It’s the middle of August, which means that school is in session, pumpkin beer is already showing up in stores, we’re somehow getting emails about the holiday season, and it’s almost time for the annual Maryland Renaissance Festival.

The faire celebrates its 40th anniversary this year, which is incredible: it doesn’t look a day over 500.

If you’ve never been to Revel Grove, as the faire calls its 25-acre grounds in Anne Arundel County, what are you waiting for? Yes, it’s nerdy, but if you live in D.C. there’s a good chance that you’re at least part nerd. Here are some tips for your first time.

(Photo by Donna Headlee, courtesy of the Maryland Renaissance Festival)

Performances: The essential ingredients to any Renaissance Faire performance are swordplay, Shakespeare, and terrible puns, so basically high art.

If you’ve never seen the vaudeville duo Puke and Snot, you’ll definitely want to catch their act. Once. The jokes have literally not changed in 20 years (I’m a Minnesotan, they’re Minnesotans, I can prove it). I mean hey, if it’s not broke, why fix it, right?

Other highlights include Shakespeare’s Skum, which perform highly abbreviated versions of the Bard’s popular tales, the Wheel of Death, which is about what it sounds like, and this guy. (Slightly terrifying, that one.) There is also jousting, which despite not looking like it does in the movies is still pretty impressive.

The faire also has a “storyline” that changes every year, with costumed staff playing the parts of Henry VIII, his current wife (this year he’s married to Katherine of Aragon, but has his eye on Anne Boleyn, that hussy), the Mayor of Revel Grove, and more. To see the storyline unfold you’ll need to catch one of the Royal Court events, which typically take place at opening, closing, and mid-afternoon (full details on the schedule). Also, if you can, catch the Pub Sing at the end of the day. It’s surprisingly enjoyable to drunkenly hoist a mug of beer and yell out the lyrics to old-timey songs.

Other things to do: Throw axes! It’s harder than it looks! Ride a pony or elephant! Check out a random reptile exhibit that’s there for some reason. Also there’s a giant slide, archery, a chapel where you can get married for real (with advance reservations), a maze, and lots of other stuff. For the kids, there’s hair braiding and face painting galore, found all over the fairgrounds.

Food and drink: Giant turkey legs are the quintessential Renaissance Faire food, but who could blame you for wanting something a little…easier on the stomach? (See “Pooping,” below.) There are foods to fit (almost) every taste at the faire, though to be honest most of them are still fried. In years past, the faire has modernized a bit and started offering reasonable fresh fruit, smoothies and juices, and other items that won’t sit like a brick in your stomach, but you’ll have to hunt for them.

As for beverages, mead and ale are surprisingly reasonably priced. My personal favorite is the bee sting, which mixes mead with cider and cuts the mead’s natural sweetness.

(Courtesy of the Maryland Renaissance Festival)

Crafts and shopping: There are some talented artisans every year, so whether you “need” a walking stick, a jester’s mask, or a belly dancing outfit, take the time to at least browse (a lot of this stuff is handmade, so shelve your sticker shock). The shortlist of vendors to check out include:

• The Art of Fire glassblowing tent, where artisans perform frequent demos. Look for them on the Queen’s Path.
• The Bee Folks, who sell honey, candles made from beeswax, and mead-making kits, on Stub Toe Lane.
• Ye Olde Gamery, where you can try your hand at handcrafted wooden puzzles and perhaps take one home, in the King’s Field.

Practical tips: If you’re new to Ren Fest you’ll want to read the below.

When should I go? The first three weekends (August 27 and 28, September 3,4, and 5, and September 10 and 11) are a little cheaper. There are also different special events each weekend; choose your favorite. Buying tickets online doesn’t get you a discount but it does let you skip the often substantial line.

What should I wear? Costumes are encouraged but not required. If you want to get into the spirit of Revel Grove, by all means dress as a pirate, a wench, a peasant, or a rich noble. (Don’t have a costume? The faire rents costumes for the day at not-outrageous prices, especially for kids, who can be pirates or jesters for just $10.) Or, just throw on whatever—at previous Faires I’ve seen Vikings, furries, Jedi knights, Roman soldiers, elves, Harry Potter, and pirates. So dress-wise, it’s basically Comic-Con but outdoors. You can also just wear a T-shirt. Nobody will shame you. But honestly? It’s not as fun.

How do I pay for things? Many vendors these days take plastic (or as the way-too-twee signs say, “We Accept Lady Visa And Master Card”—which is too cheesy even for me, and I’m the one who dressed up and pretended I was Lizzy Bennet last month). Some still don’t. You’ll want cash, and you’ll want it with you before you arrive, because there are like three ATMs in the entire park and lines get crazy. So bring money beforehand.

Pooping? The “privies” are gross Portajohns. Don’t wear nice shoes or clothes that trail on the ground for obvious reasons. Men, I’m told, have it even worse. The urinal is basically a giant metal sink that my husband says smells terrible.

Miscellaneous tips: The parking lot is just a grass field with no landmarks. If you use Google Maps to star your car before you head in you’ll be much happier when it’s time to go home. Trust me. Stay hydrated. Have fun. Also, don’t bring your cat.

The Maryland Renaissance Festival opens Saturday, August 27 and runs weekends through October 23. Details here.