Photo by ordiglo.

By DCist contributor Leigh Giangreco

D.C. often tops the (arguably credulous) lists of great cities to be single. Many of the people sans partners weren’t always that way, though. They were in relationships that blew up or fizzled out.

As part of the research for my Capital Fringe show “Heartbreak Hitman,” I canvassed D.C. asking people about their worst breakups. Here are some of those stories in their own words, edited only for length and clarity.

Grace, 27
Recently I was dating this guy, I’m still kind of obsessed with him right now. We were going out for a few weeks. He said, “I don’t want to see other people” and I was like, “Wow, this is really the one.”

So we were supposed to go for happy hour, I was all dressed up, I was about to walk out of the house, so I texted him and he said “Oh I’m not feeling well, I’m kind of depressed about not having a job but let’s hang out another day.” So I was a little bit upset but I was like I guess he’s going to call me back. And then I just never heard from him again. He ghosted me.

So I called him two days later, he never picked up the phone. I emailed him, he never emailed me back. I even asked my friends to call him and he didn’t pick up the phone.

I go online, I see that he’s engaged. On Facebook it said “engaged.” I was so sad. I’m still not over it right now. He still hasn’t gotten back to me!

Jamal, 24
This is the mother of my son. Kind of like that weird stage where you love-hate each other but it’s still genuine, you’re still there for that person. But it has its bad moments.

So, I’m assuming this is while I was asleep, a notification pops up on my phone from Tinder. I forgot that it was still on my phone, because there was a point in time where we weren’t talking. Yeah, you get on Tinder, because you’re bored. And it was one of those pages on the iPhone that you rarely go to. So she saw a notification for that and I said, “What? I kind of know what you’re talking about but I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And then I saw it and I was like, “Oh, yeah that’s on there just for fun.”

So that was that and a week later, come to find out—now remind you this is the mother of my son—she’s pregnant again. And we really haven’t been sleeping together for a while so this is awkward and I’m not sure how to feel about this, I’m assuming that it’s mine.

So, another week goes by and she decides to question me on the last time we had sex. And it was like, she was asking me these questions like someone else might be in the picture. So it was a little weird but I didn’t think anything of it at the time and finally she told me a few days later that someone else was in the picture and that baby might not be mine. So I was like, well, alright, just deleted my Tinder today actually.

So that’s kind of it. It wasn’t even an official breakup but for me anyway, there’s a certain switch for how much you can tolerate a person at a certain point. It was like that, the ultimate breakup in my mind and heart and soul. I was really mad that I deleted my Tinder that morning though.

I’ve been on that now though. I’ve been swiping. I’m gonna get to this bar with this girl and we’re gonna talk about nihilism.

Ernie, 46
I was in a business with a girl for about a year and a half, and we were in a relationship together, and it’s “don’t mix business with pleasure.”
It was a tableware business, so we made tableware for chefs and I was on the marketing and sales end of it. Well first of all, I didn’t cover my ass legally so I was a partner by name [only]. So I kind of blew it all up and made it really big, we had customers all over the place. Then a large company approached us to buy it and they made an offer and she decided I was still a partner, but I wasn’t a business partner. And they sold it.

She decided we were still going to be romantic partners but we weren’t going to be business partners anymore. So it was a big punch in the gut and everything sort of ended abruptly after that.

I guess I learned the “don’t mix business with pleasure” thing the hard way. And I put my whole career aside for it. It had the promise of being everything you ever wanted but then it ended up being nothing. It had the romance, it had the travel, it had the food, it had the potential of money, it had everything you ever dreamed of. And the chemistry, but you know it didn’t work out.

I guess it wasn’t all that dramatic but it wasn’t fun, either.

David, 59
I was married for a little over 30 years, two kids, four grandkids. We moved to D.C. from Dayton, Ohio 18 years ago. We ended up separating about five years ago, it was very painful.

There was a third party that was involved on and off during the course of the marriage. I’ll even say on my part as well—more so on my part earlier in the marriage, more so her part later.

She was seeing him. They worked together, they developed a relationship. Of course I knew who he was, I know him but I just was unable to…eh, you know how you feel guilty? You feel like you could have done more to make the relationship work. I don’t think we designated…you know how people have date nights and they specifically target, they make it a point, they’re intentional about it?

Whereas I just thought it was naturally going to happen. I think if I would have paid more attention, I wouldn’t say we would still be together but I think you have to be intimate.

I’ve been out on dates, just recently I got back into it and it feels good. It’s like a starting over. I’m more myself.

Paul, 35
We had been dating six or seven weeks—long enough that I was caught very off guard by what happened, which was I was at a bar with this young woman.

I paid the bill and said, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go use the restroom.” I go use the restroom, I come back to the bar and she is not there. And I said to the bartender, “Where is that girl?” and the bartender is like, “Yeah, she left.”

I text her and call her. I run down, jumping in a cab and now I’m in a cab going down 14th Street. I see her, stop the cab and she’s crying because she thought that I had left her. And I was like, “We have been dating, I have been exclusive with you. I said I was going to the bathroom.” So, she didn’t hear that but her first guess was that I had ghosted her. And this was like 60 seconds, this was not a long bathroom break, it was like very quick.

And she thought that I had completely ghosted her and she was crying on the side of the street and I was trying to console her and the cabbie was like, “Are you going to pay me for this?” and so we ended up reconciling. But it was emblematic of sort of a greater disconnect and trust issue that then led to actually breaking up two weeks later. So we made it through another two weeks but that was the alarm bell ring.

I thought that she would have known me enough that I wouldn’t just ghost on her at a bar.

Giuliana, 26
I was seeing this guy kind of loosely and we were texting, trying to meet up. This is not like an actual relationship but it was like a modern-day love affair, if you will. We went on dates and like, made out. But then we discussed other things and what not.

We were DMing back and forth and finally I was like, “Alright, let’s meet up” and he sent me a paragraph, that the last sentence said, “If I had to choose between meeting up with you and anyone else, I would choose anyone else.” And it was, to this day, the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life.

And then I think I sent him a thumbs up and blocked him on Instagram. Then I learned how to block someone on all kinds of social media and then just didn’t talk about for two weeks and then I told all my friends. But I needed two weeks.

If I were to see him out and about, I would ask him what happened. Because he would reach out to me, it was really weird. It was a humbling moment. I think I also read it when I was peeing. It was really bad but then it was really funny because he pissed me off, quite literally.

Samantha, 33
I was getting really frustrated with my boyfriend because I felt like I was giving a lot to him. I was with him for three years, we were living together for like two and a half. The straw that broke the camel’s back was that he went off to see his friends in Virginia and less than an hour later, I call him in an emergency. I was, not shaving but I was cutting hairs on my vagina in the bathroom and I cut my, I’m not even joking, like the clitoris. I knew that’s what I did because it wouldn’t stop bleeding. I mean I didn’t cut it right off, I cut like maybe, I don’t know how many inches but it was like a slit.

And I ran to the Washington Hospital Center and I was like “Oh my god,” freaking out. The doctor looks at me like, “You idiot” and he was like, “No you’re fine, just use a bandage.”

So then I called [my boyfriend] when it happened and he was like “Well, I’m still going to go hang out with my friends.” And I was like “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” like I have to go to the emergency room and you still want to go meet your friends. Thanks but no thanks.”

So then the doctor said it was going to be fine, it was going to heal. I call him walking out of Washington Hospital Center and it’s like a roundabout, there’s not a straight way to get out so it’s like walking down a windy road and trying to find a bus and it’s so frustrating. So I was so frustrated I was like, “This is done. We can’t do this anymore.” And he’s like “I’m coming home to talk about this” and I was like “No, this is…we’re done here, we can’t.”

So then he came home and he was like “I agree with you, I think we’re done” and I was like “I think we should. I feel like I’m giving so much and you can’t even show up for me when I have an emergency.”

It’s okay. I mean it’s better than being with someone who doesn’t care about you.

From now on I use those really small like silver scissors, ones that are round at the top. And I get waxed now.

Heartbreak Hitman runs from July 20 through July 29 at Blind Whino (700 Delaware Avenue SW).