Rachel Kurzius
I think often of the tweet from user @maplecocaine: “Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.”
That sentiment largely seems to hold true, and there’s a special subsection dedicated to tweets denigrating the District. In those cases, the tweeters in question seem to revel in frustrating Washingtonians, who then pile on in a hoard of angry “You clearly don’t know the real D.C.” And it’s not just Twitter! This is happening in op-eds and foolishly conceived first-person features, too.
While DCist is no stranger to having written a takedown or two of this genre of content (who else can remember when a literal congressman called for a recession in D.C. because he saw some cranes?), of late, we’ve shied away from platforming these silly, wrongheaded, and, at times, unquestionably racist statements.
Why do we have to spend our day proving to some rando we’ve never heard of that the District is actually home to 702,000 people, not all of whom wear pleated khakis and house massive amounts of steak for lunch? Also, as Citylab wisely pointed out, it’s basically pointless to argue about whether D.C. is cool, even if it can sometimes feel satisfying to dunk on these dumbos.
However, we are nothing if not service journalists. And it has become clear that too many of you are wasting your precious, precious time responding to these tweets. So, without further ado, we present a form letter for your use:
Dear ________,
I am writing to you mere blocks from the White House to thank you for your [idiotic / fact-free / bigoted] message about D.C.’s [dining scene / fashion sense / musical traditions / population / corruption].
For a city filled with people who have different perspectives, the ignorance of your missive has united us. Your baseless assertion that the District is only home to [politicos who read Politico / bandwagon fans / transplants / cranes / Jack Evans] really got us steamed, especially because you used it as a justification for why we [should never have political representation / deserve a recession / should burn to the ground / are deeply lame].
We do hope that your [vitriolic tweet / sniveling NYT op-ed / misleading and hastily snapped photograph / campaign advertisement] boosted your general engagement. Rest assured, it led most of us here in the District to mutter, “Who is this [elected official / clickbait writer / resident of a town faraway who has never visited D.C.]?” for just a moment, before your name escaped our minds and lips forevermore.
And finally, may we remind you that [Bon Appétit named D.C. its best restaurant city of the year in 2016 / Dave Grohl grew up in the nearby suburbs and credits the influence of the original 9:30 Club on his burgeoning musical tastes / the hundreds of thousands of people who live here would be adversely impacted by the manmade disaster you seek / our flag is much better than your flag, unless you’re from New Mexico].
[YOUR NAME HERE]
